To think this is CF territory and say No?

[MissConventionality]

My sibling is always in and out of dramatic and scandalous relationships. The type where he ditches his fiancée and hooks up with her stepmother and expects everyone to simper and accept it for the five months he makes it last for.

He's got two sons on a 50/50 custody arrangement and he moves these women in with him at the drop of a hat, so the boys have had new mother figures in and out of their lives like a set of revolving mummy doors. They're 14 and 12 now. The 12 year old has some signs of an emotional disorder or anxiety- he is really clingy and tearful a lot of the time. I love my nephews madly and would do anything for them, but I was really pissed off today.

DB has been single for about 8 months which is probably a record for him. He and his sons have sorted out a nice routine, they've grown closer, they're settling a bit and my nephew is really starting to genuinely smile and relax.

Last night I got a text message asking if I can have the boys this weekend and get them to school on Monday as something's urgently come up. I asked why their mum can't have them and he said she's being difficult and saying it's his contact time. I know her and I don't think she'd say that. I asked what his emergency was and he said that he's been seeing a woman for the last two weeks and he's wanting to get away with her for a long weekend before introducing her to his boys!

Not only that but a few months ago he got drunk at a bbq and really insulted my husband and our neighbour. They were talking about a scout camp that they're helpers on because our boys are going on it and he loudly called over that he couldn't work out if DH and neighbour were "classic scout pedos" or "trying to fuck some old lady scout leaders." Started chanting "pedo pedo pedo" like a football chant and I wouldn't blame DH if he never wanted to talk to him again. He's not apologised for it to either of them because he says he can't remember it and he would have meant it as a joke. Chanting pedo pedo in the street and pointing at my DH and neighbour isn't a joke and could have had horrible repercussions!

Am I right to say absolutely no way I'm doing this?! He's laid it on thick with the "we are so happy" and how they're so looking forward to it, and how wonderful it's going to be for his mental health. I would always have my nephews but not so he can go and have a dirty weekend before bringing yet another woman in and showing his boys once again that they're not the priority for him. Dh has said no way. But I don't want to just say no. I want to tell him he's a cheeky fucker!

[Beautiful3]

That is clearly not an emergency. Also calling my husband and neighbour pedos (loudly and outside) would have crossed a line for me. I'd be inclined to say no to your brother.

[Chocaholic9]

He sounds like a massive twat. I've been there, I have nieces and i put up with their mother's nonsense to some degree in order to see them. (same stuff as your brother...moving men in really fast and sacking kids off so she can spend time with them). But what you wrote is beyond the pale about your brother's treatment of your partner. And no, YANBU to say no to him.

[WallaceinAnderland]

He's not a CF he's a rude, selfish wanker and I wouldn't have anything more to do with him.

[Datsandcogs]

YANBU to say hell no, but what about the DNs? What’s best for them?

[Cherrysoup]

Tell him to fuck of, no favours until he apologises for the horrific behaviour. I feel sorry for your nephews, but maybe do a fabulous sleepover for them another time?

[toocold54]

Does he have them every weekend? If not why can’t he just do it a different weekend.

I would be very annoyed that he made it sound like an emergency when it obviously isn’t, if he was upfront then I’d be more willing to help out (if the drunken chanting hadn’t happened) but for him to lie and try and guilt trip you into it then I’d definitely not do it.

[Garriet]

Those poor kids.

I’m surprised their mother hasn’t gone to court to change the 50/50, it sounds like a car crash for the poor souls.

Your brother is awful and I’d have nothing more to do with him if I were you. I’d keep in touch with the boys through their mother.

[DocAutumn]

Well your brother is an asshole! I'd take the boys and try to give them a really good weekend and a bit of support. I wouldn't bother with the guy with the shit personality..

[WhereIsMumHiding3]

What did you do @MissConventionality

Your brother sounds an awful parent and an abusive drunk. I recalls hope he's apologised to your DP and the neighbour now. You'd be perfectky reasonable to refuse to speak to him until he apologised profusely & makes it up to DP and arrange to see Dnephews via their mum.

[Chloemol]

Just respond No

No need to explain why, just no

[BustedCanOfBiscuits]

I would END my brother if he pulled even half of this shit. And that's before he called my DH a pedo.

Am I understanding it correctly? You spoke to him about it, and he doesn't "remember" so that's that?! Wtf?

If the tables were turned and your DH's sibling treated you like that, would you be so forgiving?

Jesus Christ OP, have a long fucking think about why he is the way he is. Hopefully you might just realise you are part of the problem (and your DH is a fucking saint, mine would've buried him)

[timeisnotaline]

Your dirty weekend is hardly my emergency. And speaking of mental health I’ve noticed dnephews is real picking up recently, since you’ve spent a bit more time with them without constantly waltzing fuckbuddies in and out of their lives. Shame it sounds like you’re about to reverse those gains for your boys so don’t push you dare push the mental health angle with me.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Let me guess, he wanted 50/50 so he paid no maintenance and palms them off every chance he gets?

A) Say no and tell him why
B) offer to support his ex in challenging the 50/50 by way of witness statements


How the very hell did he get shared care in the first place?!

[GiantHaystacks2021]

No.
And tell this prick why.

[Perrymenopausal]

It’s a no from me too.

I would not be doing any favours to someone who treated my DH like that.

[Clymene]

You do know the OP posted this at the start of September, right?

[WonderingFree]

Do you talk to the mum? And if you say no is your bro likely to ask someone else - he’s presumably asked their mum, now you - would he ask someone else? I would be thinking only about your DN’s wellbeing. Your bro sounds very selfish.

[HikingforScenery]

Your brother needs to apologise to your DH. How awful.

From how you describe him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he took your nephews with him to meet this woman anyway. At least if they’re with you, they’ve some security that way.
I don’t you not having the kids for a weekend will stop him from introducing them.

However, yabu for calling someone’s weekend away with a partner ( new or otherwise) a “dirty weekend

[Mamanyt]

In that case, tell him, "NO!" and when he asks why not (and you know he will), give him the entire laundry list, starting with, "Because you are a cheeky fucker, and ending with, and you still haven't apologized for being an utter arse to my husband, who now would not spit on you if you were on fire."

[lottiegarbanzo]

I think, in general, you need to circumvent him and establish your own relationship with his boys. That is, arrange to see them when it suits you, not as a favour to him.

Plus this: If my husband considered doing a favour for someone who had insulted me that badly I'd having a very serious conversation with him.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Your brother sounds like a total shitweasel.

I'd say no too.

But I feel bad for his boys - what a mess of a life he's made for them!

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Ahhhhh - I see this was revived for an update. So now any advice is pointless.

[LorenzoVonMatterhorn]

I wondered how this turned out too!

[Inertia]

I wouldn’t have anything to do with him for a very long time after that performance.

Do you have a good relationship with the mother of your nephews? Probably worth liaising with her for family meet-ups, and let your brother sort his own shit out.

[Alwaysonthegoslow]

Say no and tell him why.