To think this is CF territory and say No?

[MissConventionality]

My sibling is always in and out of dramatic and scandalous relationships. The type where he ditches his fiancée and hooks up with her stepmother and expects everyone to simper and accept it for the five months he makes it last for.

He's got two sons on a 50/50 custody arrangement and he moves these women in with him at the drop of a hat, so the boys have had new mother figures in and out of their lives like a set of revolving mummy doors. They're 14 and 12 now. The 12 year old has some signs of an emotional disorder or anxiety- he is really clingy and tearful a lot of the time. I love my nephews madly and would do anything for them, but I was really pissed off today.

DB has been single for about 8 months which is probably a record for him. He and his sons have sorted out a nice routine, they've grown closer, they're settling a bit and my nephew is really starting to genuinely smile and relax.

Last night I got a text message asking if I can have the boys this weekend and get them to school on Monday as something's urgently come up. I asked why their mum can't have them and he said she's being difficult and saying it's his contact time. I know her and I don't think she'd say that. I asked what his emergency was and he said that he's been seeing a woman for the last two weeks and he's wanting to get away with her for a long weekend before introducing her to his boys!

Not only that but a few months ago he got drunk at a bbq and really insulted my husband and our neighbour. They were talking about a scout camp that they're helpers on because our boys are going on it and he loudly called over that he couldn't work out if DH and neighbour were "classic scout pedos" or "trying to fuck some old lady scout leaders." Started chanting "pedo pedo pedo" like a football chant and I wouldn't blame DH if he never wanted to talk to him again. He's not apologised for it to either of them because he says he can't remember it and he would have meant it as a joke. Chanting pedo pedo in the street and pointing at my DH and neighbour isn't a joke and could have had horrible repercussions!

Am I right to say absolutely no way I'm doing this?! He's laid it on thick with the "we are so happy" and how they're so looking forward to it, and how wonderful it's going to be for his mental health. I would always have my nephews but not so he can go and have a dirty weekend before bringing yet another woman in and showing his boys once again that they're not the priority for him. Dh has said no way. But I don't want to just say no. I want to tell him he's a cheeky fucker!

[saleorbouy]

Tell him you don't think it's best and when he asks why tell him that he needs to first apologise for his disgusting and humiliating behaviour to your DH.
If he wants to get his leg over on a dirty weekend perhaps he should plan it further in advance and make suitable arrangements for his DC.

He sounds a sad and self-centered individual, poor nephews.

[LookItsMeAgain]

@Clymene

You do know the OP posted this at the start of September, right?

I actually didn't think to check before posting.

D'oh!!!!!

[gingerbiscuits]

He sounds like a really pathetic, juvenile twat - tell him exactly what you think of him - sod the consequences - he's no great loss to you by the sounds of it! You can maintain your relationship with your nephews via their mum. I'd get in tough with her & tell her what he's asking you. The poor lads are better off at home with their mum that weekend.

[knittingaddict]

The op didn't bother responding back at the beginning of September. Not sure why it's been bumped now.

[WaltzingBetty]

Why on Earth haven't you confronted him about his behaviour before now?

The paedo chanting would have been the last straw for me.

Tell him no because he's been deeply offensive to your DP and because him wanting a weekend away with his latest GF is not an 'emergency' that should be prioritised over his relationship with his sons
He sounds like a dick head

[MrsElijahMikaelson1]

THIS WAS POSTED AT THE BEGINNING OF SEPTEMBER-THE WEEKEND HAPPENED A LONG TIME AGO AND THE OP NEVER CAME BACK!🤦‍♀️

[LookItsMeAgain]

My advice would be to get the word out about him to your other relatives, and what he said about your husband and that you're not going to be looking after your nephews before you reply to him saying that you are not in a position to look after his kids while he goes away to have his jollies.
That way, you're setting out your stall and cutting back on any sort of 'flying monkeys' that may appear once you tell him no.

He sounds like the type of manchild that would go crying to mum or dad if you said no to him so if they have already heard your side of the story, they can remain neutral on this.

That's my suggestion

[TillyTopper]

I'm completely shock by his behaviour, what he say to your DH was awful. I don't think I could come back from that. No I wouldn't have his kids - he needs to learn to be a proper father and stop shagging everything that moves. I'd tell him that.

[RoseAndRose]

Absolutely say no.

I feel for the DC in this situation, because they'll probably end up being introduced precipitately to another new girlfriend, because he can't make adequate arrangements and pisses off the people most likely to rally round.

I would furthermore tell him that given his public behaviour towards DH, DC cannot come and stay, and that you will need considerable notice of visits to your home. Very happy to meet elsewhere though

And then leave it up to him to make suggestions based in what the DC would like. If none are forthcoming, then I think you will need to blink first, so that the DC do not lose out on all contact with your bit of the family, and make the occasional invitation to a day your somewhere

[Derbee]

Say no and tell him why

[FreedomFaith]

Your brother is a twat and needs cut off from the family until he apologies properly to your husband and neighbour, to their faces.

Tell him to find some other mug to take his children while he goes off for his weekend with the next woman daft enough to think there is something good about him, and tell him you will keep your fingers crossed that she realises soon what a dickhead he is.

[LibrariesGiveUsPower45321]

He’s not a CF he’s a jerk.

I’d never let him in my home or talk to him after that behaviour.

[tara66]

Suggest permanent celibacy for the sake of his children because he can't ''settle down'' - and absolutely complain about what he called your DH and neighbour. Tell him he is a liability to family including children and a danger to women.

[Backtomyoldname]

Definitely not until there has been some resolution of the bbq/pedo event between him, your husband and neighbour.

Bad behaviour has consequences that can come back and bite you on the bum sometime down the line. There is no way that he should have behaved in this way and carry on as if nothing has happened.

His ranting could have caused serious problems for those it was aimed at as well as it being out of order.

This isn’t an emergency.

Plus a ban on future bbqs/ events where drink is around.

[Alwaysonthegoslow]

Say no and tell him why.

[Inertia]

I wouldn’t have anything to do with him for a very long time after that performance.

Do you have a good relationship with the mother of your nephews? Probably worth liaising with her for family meet-ups, and let your brother sort his own shit out.

[LorenzoVonMatterhorn]

I wondered how this turned out too!

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Ahhhhh - I see this was revived for an update. So now any advice is pointless.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Your brother sounds like a total shitweasel.

I'd say no too.

But I feel bad for his boys - what a mess of a life he's made for them!

[lottiegarbanzo]

I think, in general, you need to circumvent him and establish your own relationship with his boys. That is, arrange to see them when it suits you, not as a favour to him.

Plus this: If my husband considered doing a favour for someone who had insulted me that badly I'd having a very serious conversation with him.

[Mamanyt]

In that case, tell him, "NO!" and when he asks why not (and you know he will), give him the entire laundry list, starting with, "Because you are a cheeky fucker, and ending with, and you still haven't apologized for being an utter arse to my husband, who now would not spit on you if you were on fire."

[HikingforScenery]

Your brother needs to apologise to your DH. How awful.

From how you describe him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he took your nephews with him to meet this woman anyway. At least if they’re with you, they’ve some security that way.
I don’t you not having the kids for a weekend will stop him from introducing them.

However, yabu for calling someone’s weekend away with a partner ( new or otherwise) a “dirty weekend

[WonderingFree]

Do you talk to the mum? And if you say no is your bro likely to ask someone else - he’s presumably asked their mum, now you - would he ask someone else? I would be thinking only about your DN’s wellbeing. Your bro sounds very selfish.

[Clymene]

You do know the OP posted this at the start of September, right?

[Perrymenopausal]

It’s a no from me too.

I would not be doing any favours to someone who treated my DH like that.