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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbour problem

60 replies

Wotsitone · 06/09/2021 18:15

The short version is that my next door neighbour has a university age kid who regularly has friends round in the garden and house until late at night. They don’t play music but the houses are very close and they are a large bunch who talk loud. The last time this happened was a Sunday night which kept us awake until 4am. The morning after that night I posted a letter asking if she could refrain from hosting parties on Sunday or a working day night as we had to get up early for work the next day (6am) and have small kids who can’t get to sleep because of their loud talking in the garden. At that time she came over to apologise.

Anyway today the neighbours kid has knocked on the door to announce that they will have another large gathering in the garden (practically under the kids windows). I said I wasn’t too happy that it was on a Monday night but obviously it’s not up to me but would they mind ever so much to go inside the house for half an hour between 8 and 8:30 so that I could get my kids to sleep as it’s hot and it will be hard to get them to sleep with loads of loud talking and if I shut the windows it will be very stuffy and hot. They basically told me no and they will do what they want in their garden and will not be dictated to. I reiterated that I was not trying to dictate to them merely asking for a neighbourly favour and again explained that it was hot, the kids just started school again today etc. They basically told me where to go

Should I suck it up, AIBU

Or should I be equally inconsiderate and make a large bonfire in my garden tonight?

OP posts:

Elieza · 06/09/2021 19:16

If you play the you tube hz noise it will wake the kids up!?

ElephantCup · 06/09/2021 19:18

@Bogofftosomewherehot

I just did a little experiment. I just played this without my kid knowing....

Literally within 10 seconds my teenager put her finger over her ear and said 'mum, can you hear that high pitched noise - sounds like an anti mosquito device".

Go fill ya boots!!!!!!!

I’m mid 30s and I can hear that, must have the ears of a teenager 😬

LeavesOffTheCactus · 06/09/2021 19:22

I can’t hear the noise but my DP and toddler can! Sooo weird!!!

Hamster1111 · 06/09/2021 19:22

I can see why they don't want to go inside so you can put your kids to bed.... not their kids, not their problem and its 8pm, so not an unreasonable time to be enjoying their garden. I can see how they may feel 'dictated' to on this. However, to keep neighbourly relations they could have obliged... but I get why they didnt.

However the late night noise is actually antisocial - they really should be quiet at a reasonable time and this is the battle I'd focus on, rather than the kids bedtime (although I appreciate that it is hard for you, especially if they are doing this regularly)

whiteroseredrose · 06/09/2021 19:46

Alternatively, what worked for my late great DGM was bags of horse manure. They are very smelly in the heat. You could stack em up as close to where they sit as you can.

woohoo54 · 06/09/2021 19:47

Time to mow the grass at 6am the next morning - maybe with loud music to boot

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/09/2021 19:50

I’m in my 50’s and I can hear that. Now ringing in my ears having listened to a few seconds. Gaaaaah

SMabbutt · 06/09/2021 19:52

I just did a little experiment. I just played this without my kid knowing.... www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACGo5pMr8xA

"Literally within 10 seconds my teenager put her finger over her ear and said 'mum, can you hear that high pitched noise - sounds like an anti mosquito device".

Just played it to see how my 15 year old would react without telling her. The reaction was immediate and it definitely didn't go down well. 🤣 Should I confess?

Alternista · 06/09/2021 19:53

Download the Alexa app and then play it through Alexa via your phone.

summercupcake · 06/09/2021 19:58

I think your neighbours are idiots!

But retaliating with loud music etc. Will not help your case, it's this childish 'tit for tat' that starts full blown feuds with neighbours, it's easy for strangers on the internet to suggest this behaviour, it's entertaining to consider, but they don't have to live with the repercussions. You should take the moral high ground.

Stick your head over the fence and politely ask them to keep it down, the twatty teen might have some decent friends who oblige. Good luck.

StoneofDestiny · 06/09/2021 19:59

I agree - huge bag of manure spread across your plants, or one of those high pitched things used to deter youth congregating around shops etc.
Or pray for rain.

BeckyWithTheGoodHair5629456 · 06/09/2021 19:59

They're entitled to have a party at their house whatever day they choose to. They do need to keep the noise down after 11pm. It was decent of them to give you a warning.
It's annoying but YABU to expect them to be quiet so you can get your children to sleep, that's quite entitled.
I think if you want silence then you should go and live somewhere rural with no neighbours, if you're living in a built up area, you have to expect that you will hear people from time to time.
I write this as someone who has neighbours who like a party and it sometimes affects me getting my children to sleep.

Bluntness100 · 06/09/2021 20:03

I disagree with thr majority I don’t think you can ask your neighbours not to habe friends round on a weekday or Sunday evening. Nor can you ask them to go inside at certain times

You can ask them to keep the volume down.

What do you mean “large gathering” how many people is that?

Notcontent · 06/09/2021 20:06

I just don’t understand the attitude of some people. This attitude that “I can do whatever I want in my garden/house” completely ignores the fact that if we all did that then life would be unbearable. I like the manure suggestion…

This is why I don’t see myself staying in my lovely terrace house forever. It’s fine at the moment as most of my neighbours are considerate people but I could see that changing in the future…

TurquoiseDragon · 06/09/2021 20:07

I just played that through my laptop to my DCs, without telling them.

They are 21 and 17, and within seconds were yelling about the noise

I'm partly deaf and can't hear it. I did explain about this thread to the DC, and DS asked if I was going to write about it on MN. When I said yes, he told me to write that he'd told me to "sod off with the noise". (We have a jokey relationship, all swearing is tongue in cheek, and never outside the house or if we have visitors.) DD was more like "turn it off, turn it off, it hurts my ears".

So, OP, if you can play that sound through a device, I reckon you'll kill their party stone dead. Just don't be too quick in turning it off once they go inside in case they rumble that it's you. And give your own DC some earplugs.

Hosum · 06/09/2021 20:07

8pm is odd - it is hot here and I can still hear most kids out and I am just putting down my 1 year old but wouldn't expect silence at this time in summer. Post 12am totally different. Think you confused your reasonableness with the strange 8pm request.

HomeSliceKnowsBest · 06/09/2021 20:12

They are utter cunts. Go neighbour dispute on their arse (and all out war). It won't affect you as renters, but will have to be declared to buyers should they sell.
I'd be finding subtle ways to make their life he, but I have form for getting scum neighbour's rehoused/back in their barrel. Fuck them.

HomeSliceKnowsBest · 06/09/2021 20:12

*hell
** neighbours

doodleZ1 · 06/09/2021 20:18

@HomeSliceKnowsBest

They are utter cunts. Go neighbour dispute on their arse (and all out war). It won't affect you as renters, but will have to be declared to buyers should they sell. I'd be finding subtle ways to make their life he, but I have form for getting scum neighbour's rehoused/back in their barrel. Fuck them.

I'm hooked. Can you give some examples that are subtle

takehomepay · 06/09/2021 20:22

Put on really loud music when they go to bed.

StoneofDestiny · 06/09/2021 20:23

Go neighbour dispute on their arse (and all out war). It won't affect you as renters, but will have to be declared to buyers should they sell

Not a bad suggestion if you are renters

HarrisMcCoo · 06/09/2021 20:32

@summercupcake

I think your neighbours are idiots!

Stick your head over the fence and politely ask them to keep it down, the twatty teen might have some decent friends who oblige. Good luck.

Just talking from personal experience here, talking to neighbours does nothing. Going through the local authority and putting complaint in writing holds more weight.

HarrisMcCoo · 06/09/2021 20:36

My NDNs were having parties during the week, on school nights. Loud music from 10pm through to 5am. If you have never experienced sleep deprivation before on this scale, you have been fortunate.

I played piano loudly from 7am every 30 minutes for five minutes or so. Repetitive scales, chords. Really boring monotonous stuff.

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 06/09/2021 20:52

Omg I played that sound and my eldest DC and I had to cover our ears. It was awful, I’m in my 30s DH also 30s couldn’t hear anything.

Folklore9074 · 06/09/2021 20:58

@Retrodas

Nope I can't hear it either , my pets don't register it at all. But noisy teenager nextdoor hates it.

Op you could suggest to your neighbor that it is an issue to you and you don't want to fall out, but if it continues you will have to put milage n a formal complaint which means she will have to declare it if she ever sells her home and will loose money.

Alternatively if you feel it is harassment after you asked speak to 101 or council. You only need two separate occasions to be classed as harassment if they are deliberately upsetting you.

This is a good move... home owners never want to have to declare disputes with neighbours.

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