How to be a happy stay at home mum

[Motherofking]

For those that enjoy being a stay at home mum and wife how do you find yourself enjoying it . Im finding to so boring and tiring and I don't like it . Tips on what makes it bearable so I can be happier

Do you have to be a SAHM or could you go back to work/study?

I am studying and will be done next month but I'll can only go back to work once my child's 2 because of childcare which will be next year

I don't have any tips because DP was a SAHD when mine were little (now at Uni). However, I would have found it very difficult. Could you start a small business making/selling from home if you don't feel it's enough for you?

I fill my time eating in the supermarket café, reading and roleplaying on Twitter. Actually, I find school hours so limiting that I don't have much free time as I'm always dropping DS2 off or picking him up.

Structure to your day like you would at work.

Go to classes and baby groups. Make friends with people in the same situation.

Go out for walks, to parks and interesting places. Talk to your baby lots about what is going on around him or her.

Read up about child development and do activities with your child - this is your job for now.

Cleaning and tidying still shared at the weekend.

I used to really enjoy it when my kids were younger. My main tip would be to not stay at home all day. I went out every single day if possible and I’d often go out multiple times.

I went to see friends, went shopping with the kids, went swimming, went to the park etc etc. Nothing groundbreaking but mostly enjoyable. I tried to be outside with the kids rather than indoors and I tried to tire them out. Obviously helps if you don’t live somewhere too remote.
When the kids were at school I did sports every day. I loved that.
I tried to treat being a parent as a job so I would try and crack on with my chores and get them out the way as soon as I could. I fit the chores around the fun things not the other way around.

I also made sure I had time for myself. The kids weren’t great at afternoon naps but I got them trained to have a quiet hour in their bedrooms in the afternoon so I could chill too.
Obviously I still had stressful and ‘bad’ days. That’s normal.

I was mentally 'ready' to be a SAHM having had a career and waiting 10 years for children, so i think in a different position to you.

For me I would suggest

• viewing it as worthwhile and valuable
• having a structure and routine
• a list of ideas under different areas of child development so when your mind goes blank you can find things to do

@Motherofking

I am studying and will be done next month but I'll can only go back to work once my child's 2 because of childcare which will be next year

Ahh understood! Definitely structure your day if you can and go to groups as a PP mentioned. Being a SAHP can be isolating and lonely (and yes boring) but what I liked was the freedom of it and being able to (DC willing) dictate my own day.

Don't do it if you don't enjoy it, I hated it, I found I was a much better patent once I worked and looked forward to my quality time with the kids.

Absolutely hated it with my first and lasted only 8 weeks before returning back to work but with my second, they are a few things I do for a happy home.

Firstly I employed a cleaner for 4 hours a week. I kept DS on at childminders one and a half days a week as he loved it. We always go out as a family at the weekend on both days, I meet up with friends, days out with LO to zoos, farms, garden centre etc on the other days. I also started swimming 3 xs a week in the evening when LO is in bed.

I’m not completely a stay at home mum in that I work 8 evenings a month (6-12pm), but i work freelance so can pick and choose the days to suite.

Main advice is to fill your days and try to avoid staying in.

As a pp said, read up about child development theory / attachment phases etc, so that you understand what you are actually doing! This is your job for now, so value it.

Also, get out and about every day. Socialise with other mums in the same situation. Recognise that this time passes quickly and you will never get it back. Stop thinking about what you might be missing out on and focus on what you (and your baby) are gaining. For now, you have freedom and your day is whatever you want to make it. Many women can’t afford to SAH, so also think about that. Would you actually be happier in the coming winter if you had to be dropping off your child at some day centre at 8am in the dark? I think probably not.

I'm a SAHM to a toddler and also have a primary school aged child.

We're not particularly well off so we do cheap (usually free) activities during the week to fit in around the school run. We live in the country so there are lots of local animals within walking distance that we go to 'visit' (horses, pigs, goats - we take scraps of food for them as we know the farmer.) Lots of play parks too, so we go to a couple of different ones each week and take a picnic if the weather's nice. Story/song time at the local library. Sometimes meeting friends at local soft play cafe. Free toddler groups. At home, we do painting, Play Doh, Kinetic Sand, crafts, usually on the Tuff tray to keep mess to a minimum which never bloody works. We go to Musical Minis once a week too. Playing in the garden with a washing up bowl of water and toys. Lots of the time she just 'helps' me clean and tidy. Sometimes she gets stuck in front of the TV while I get on with other jobs.

We save big days out (zoos, theme parks, farm parks) for the weekend when DH and DD1 are at home.

Is it a bit boring? Yeah, I suppose it is. Doubt there are many adults out there that are intellectually stimulated by finger painting or feeding goats. But it's supposed to be for my benefit, it's for DD, and it's only for a few years, so it's hardly a massive sacrifice on my part.

Get a job is my advice. I hated being a SAHM, so bad for the brain and self-confidence.

I love being a SAHM, but you've got to do what suits you.
I live rurally so my days are spent taking the dog for long walks, running, various playgroups and clubs with the youngest (pre school age), baking, reading, volunteering with a couple of local organisations- I love how free my life is. I worked in the corporate world for 15 years and I'm overjoyed at the thought of never going back to it.

I'd be bored rigid too - not enough stimulation for me
Part time working is a good balance

I always think minimum wage is about £9 and childcare about £3.50-£4 per hour at a childminder - I don't understand that argument you'd still have half the money left which is more than of your didn't work

I’ve been a stay at home mum for 15 years. I’ve only found it boring this last year. There is absolutely plenty to do during the day but it has become monotonous I must say. When the children were small I was always busy but now they’re teenagers and I don’t need to do the school run i have more free time. I wasn’t solely a sahm I was also a carer for our disabled child. Next year when I don’t need to be a carer I am going back to work for our family business. I’m looking forward to it and dreading it in equal measure!

Whatever you do, do it with a good attitude and to the best of your ability.

I always think minimum wage is about £9 and childcare about £3.50-£4 per hour at a childminder
£7.50 ph is the cheapest here (for full time), from £8 for wraparound.

I was friends with a very good nanny when DC were small and she gave me advice which I used.

Have something planned every day that gets you out of the house: can be playgroup, church creche, music group, baby yoga or swimming. Go out a second time each day to run errands or go to the park. Don't get housebound. Be in the world.

Hang out with other mums. They don't have to be your new best friends, but socialise. They can swap tips on weaning/sleeping etc. Go to or hold coffee mornings, invite them over for tea with their DC. Go for lunch together with DC or for picnics in the park. You have so much in common at that stage.

Make sure you speak with at least one other adult every day - a proper grown up conversation.

Go out once a week at least with your partner and don't talk about DC. Instead, do something together - go to a comedy or improv night, to the cinema or theatre or to a gig. Have a fun shared experience that doesn't involve being comatose with tiredness in a pizza place discussing the baby!

Phase in plans for getting back to work. Look at nurseries. Do online courses. Meet up with old colleagues for a drink occasionally.

Allow yourself a bit of time off each week to get in shape. And do physical stuff with DC - get fit again. Run around the park with them.

Same as PP im a long term SAHM but also carer to DS1 who has a disability. Other DS is 5. I'm going back to college tomorrow to start an access to higher education course as I really want to feel useful again and eventually start a career once DS1 is in senior school (I never had one in the first place as was a teen parent..you can probably imagine how insane and bored I have been over the past 10 years watching my friends all having fun in their 20s!)I resented it for a long time because DS wouldn't go into childcare to enable me to live a life outside of home, but the pandemic really gave me a kick up the arse and, I realised that really I should be greatful for this 'time out' I have from the rat race. Because no doubt I'm going to be so stressed, snappy, and tired once I do go to work. What helped me in this past year was taking time to remember who I was before I became a mum. I sort of did a 'who am I and what do I enjoy?' Brain storm on a peice of paper...and alas, I discovered who I was again. Whilst DSs were in school or at home with DH I would make an effort to go and do those things I liked doing before becoming a mum. Just going to places I used to like visiting too. Making an effort with my appearance. I became so much less resentful and more confident.

The day before, have a (rough) plan for the following day, which involves leaving the house. With DD it was often just the local park/one of two playclubs/Sainsbury’s/a cafe/knowing a particular friend was off that day and keen to meet. Just something to hang your day around.

I love being a SAHM. I’ve now got one child in school, one in nursery and one at home with me so the days are very broken up with getting people to places and I don’t have any time to get bored.

Back when I was at home all day with a baby and then with a baby and a toddler, I did much of what others have said - had something planned every single day whether it was something walkable like library or shops or something bigger like swimming or soft play.

I went to lots of toddler groups until I found the ones I liked, and then I helped to run them. I volunteered for my local NCT branch. Through both of the above I made lots of friends so spent a lot of time in the company of other adults and their kids which was good for me and my DC.

I kept up things that I enjoyed already but could do with DC eg hiking and biking. One of my best days ever was the first time my oldest climbed a reasonably sized hill with me as a newly minted walker.

Join David Lloyd so you can leave baby and go off for a swim and sauna every day

Um I went back to work, much better

Put into your child by doing simple things to help development talk to them play music games etc Go to toddler groups and make some friends and eat toast from the sidelines while your children play. Realise that this can be a special time until you are ready to go back to work