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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to keep thinking about poor Sarah Harding

45 replies

user9900887 · 06/09/2021 14:10

I just keep thinking about her, I know thousands of women die from breast cancer every year but this has really affected me.
I was diagnosed with cancer (not breast) just before the pandemic and I just keep thinking how lucky I was.
It's bringing back so many memories for me and I just feel so sad 😢

OP posts:
ILoveANameChange · 06/09/2021 14:16

I'm a deep thinker and was thinking about her a lot on my night shift last night.

So incredibly sad. I had been wondering if she was in her last days recently as all news feeds had gone quiet.
39 is just so young. I know people die younger as well.

I'm glad you managed to beat cancer though. 💪

CaveMum · 06/09/2021 14:27

First of all, congratulations on your recovery. I’m not surprised that you have found the news triggering, it must have brought up a lot of bad memories.

I think it’s normal to find yourself identifying with people in the public eye in situations like this. I had a little cry last night watching the news purely on the basis that Sarah was pretty much the same age as me, I’m 6 months older, and it got me thinking how would I have dealt with the same situation.

Be kind to yourself, and don’t be ashamed to feel sad about things.

BabyLeaf · 06/09/2021 15:09

@ILoveANameChange

I'm a deep thinker and was thinking about her a lot on my night shift last night.

So incredibly sad. I had been wondering if she was in her last days recently as all news feeds had gone quiet.
39 is just so young. I know people die younger as well.

I'm glad you managed to beat cancer though. 💪

I thought her instagram and twitter accounts had been quiet for months now?

It is very sad. I’m not even a fan of here in any way but since she announced her terminal diagnosis I’ve thought about her often and looked her up to see how she’s doing.

malificent7 · 06/09/2021 15:11

She was so full of life...it's v sad.

animalcrossingfan2021 · 06/09/2021 18:47

It is so very sad, even more so because she delayed seeing a GP.

Sweetchocolatecandy · 06/09/2021 18:54

YANBU. I felt the same when Jade Goody died too, it really affected me as I followed her when she was on BB and she was not much older than me. It’s awful.

Vilanelle · 06/09/2021 21:10

@ILoveANameChange I wish people would stop using the terms "beating" and "losing" to cancer. Its an absolute game of chance. No one fights harder than anyone else.

alittlequinnie · 06/09/2021 21:19

^ This.

ILoveANameChange · 06/09/2021 21:38

@ILoveANameChange what do you suggest I should have said then?

ILoveANameChange · 06/09/2021 21:38

[quote ILoveANameChange]@ILoveANameChange what do you suggest I should have said then?[/quote]
@Vilanelle

Slub · 06/09/2021 21:54

I just feel really incredibly sad about Sarah and the fact she was so young. I'm 16 years older and 5 years ago I overcame my own cancer (ovarian).
We don't 'beat it' it's good luck if you have a good team of health professionals and are diagnosed early enough.

Namebunny · 06/09/2021 21:55

Agree Villanelle I think the term ‘ beating cancer’ was supposed to be inspiring but unfortunately got lumped in with all the stupid marathon running smiley stuff, which is just an added pressure on those of us that feel utterly crap. ‘Bloody getting through it’ would be what I would call it. It’s really hard, really exhausting really emotional and really challenging. There are times when crossing the kitchen to open the oven door and shove in a pizza is the marathon.
And don’t get me started on that awful ‘campaign’ from m and s a few years ago.
I feel for Sarah Harding and her family and friends, it’s awful. I’ve also lost two friends who I went to treatment with. I survived and they didn’t.
Which I actually don’t know how to think about.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 06/09/2021 21:58

It’s tragic…. I know if 3 women who have had breast cancer in the last year - all treated successfully. It’s a stark reminder that not all women will be cured. It’s been playing on my mind as well, I’ll definitely be checking my breasts regularly now

Tiramiwho · 06/09/2021 22:30

I can't stop thinking about her either. Just been watching various new footage clips of her. The lovely photo on Google images of her with her mother Marie.
My heart breaks for her now.

EishetChayil · 06/09/2021 23:46

[quote ILoveANameChange]@ILoveANameChange what do you suggest I should have said then?[/quote]
Died of cancer
Recovered from cancer

Realyorkshiretea · 06/09/2021 23:51

Me too, it’s tragic, she was so stoic about it all. She seemed a truly lovely lady with such a zest for life.

@Vilanelle I was thinking the same when I saw some of the ‘lost the battle’ headlines. Personally I don’t like it, makes it sound like you can beat it by ‘trying harder’.

ILoveANameChange · 07/09/2021 00:23

@EishetChayil I will take that on board, thank you.

PegasusReturns · 07/09/2021 00:34

I’ve also felt very sad about it.

I think because she was so vibrant, beautiful and seemingly full of life. It’s very tragic.

Lizzie523 · 07/09/2021 00:51

My friend has stage 4 cancer and just received the news a few days ago that the cancer has progressed. I had a little cry tonight. My poor friend. She is also 39, same as Sarah Harding.

My heart breaks for her.

Babamamananarama · 07/09/2021 01:14

I'm 41 and currently going through cancer treatment (just had a stem cell transplant for lymphoma, have scan in 2 months to see if it's worked to keep me in remission). I'm finding Sarah Harding news really hard too. I keep imagining what her last weeks and months might have been like. It's a fucker of a disease in all its manifestations.

And yes please can we be more aware of language. Personally I can't stand talk of 'battling' 'beating' 'losing' etc. Cancer leaves you few choices. It doesn't make you a brave warrior. You have to submit to some fucking horrid shit and just keep breathing in and out because you don't have another option. The treatments either work or they don't. And a great many people don't win/lose. They aren't cured and they don't die - they live with cancer for decades of life, often undergoing treatment after treatment. I've met a fair number of women in this situation during my hospital stays and it's really become noticeable to me how much the public imagination about cancer ignores this aspect of it, I think partly because we talk in terms of triumph/cure and losing battle/death when actually the reality is way more complex.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 07/09/2021 06:26

I, too, hate the losing /beating cancer schtick...

I keep thinking of my lovely friends... Who died from cancer at 19, 41 and 50..

Implying they were 'lost' the 'fight: against cancer... Implied they are somehow not' trying hard enough '....they were experiencing stuff where they odds were massively stacked against them.

All were desperate to stay, in this mad, messy world.

Pottedpalm · 07/09/2021 06:57

@Babamamananarama and @IamtheDevilsAvocado
So true, wise words from both. I didn’t like being told how ‘brave’ I was. I wasn’t brave. There was no option but to submit myself to radiation 35 times. What else? Stay home and die? I wasn’t brave, And as for being better, no one sees the issues I deal with as a result of the treatment, and the damage it has done. Rill on the day when no one needs to die of this disease, young or old.

rejectedcarrit · 07/09/2021 07:10

It’s tragic and a reminder that breast cancer is a killer. I have been treated for it and am so thankful that my cancer was found at an earlier stage and I had the chance of treatment that would be really effective and keep me alive.

I lost a friend to it last year, not much older than Sarah.

I also hate the ‘you can beat this” approach. My friend fought hard but she couldn’t win. And also the “are you all clear now”. People seem to want to be reassured that your troubles are over.. I’m on tamoxifen for at least five years. It’s still part of the treatment and the side effects, together with after effects of chemo and other treatments are rotten and I’m being monitored more closely so there is still medical intervention. And stories like Sarahs hit me hard. Like so many others with cancer, it can be a very long road. It’s not over. Only people who have had cancer get it.

Pottedpalm · 07/09/2021 07:27

@rejectedcarrit
Sorry for the loss of your friend.
I think people just want it to be over, for the sufferer to be well. Partly fear? Quite a few of my close friends have had cancer and I know many of those who haven’t are thinking ‘me next ?’
Also, the mental scars don’t heal. I read recently ‘ you may recover physically but no one tells you that recovering mentally takes a lifetime.’ I ask my friends ‘Is it done with for you?’ And overwhelmingly the answer is ‘No.’

Odisia · 07/09/2021 07:55

It's very sad. I met Jade Goody once. I didn't expect to like her, but she was very bright and bubbly, and I remember that she had beautiful skin and glossy hair. It was just before she became ill. It was a stark reminder that people can go from being perfectly fine to very ill very quickly. RIP Sarah.