What to do about the cat??

[StickersStickers]

This will probably be long as I’m really bad at doing nice concise posts but I need advice!

About 10 years ago a stray cat/kitten wandered into my aunts house and she kept it. I’m not sure what the original arrangements were regarding where the cat slept but it wasn’t inside.
After 2 to 3 years my Aunt moved in with my mom and dad. They lived a field away (rural farming area) and my aunt went back to “her” house everyday to look after the cat (and have some space from my mother!).
My dad died and left me my aunts house (he owned it) with the clause that my aunt had the right to live there for life.
So for several years things carried on. At some point they (my aunt, my mom and another neighbour) started closing the car in the garage overnight as she had been attached by other cats. As my aunts health declined most of the cat care was done by my mom and the neighbour.
My aunt passed away in May and soon after I told my mom that I would be renting the house to my BIL, his girlfriend and her little boy. If they hadn’t needed to rent I would have sold the house.

That was the start of the “what will happen the cat”. She doesn’t want anyone living in the house as that will scare the cat. She didn’t want workmen at the house as that will scare the cat. We’re now very close to BIL moving in and my mom is still refusing to accept she can’t close the cat in the garage any more. BIL is willing to let the door open so the cat can go in and out but he doesn’t want my mom or the neighbour wandering around the house morning and night to let the cat in/out. Plus the cat used to shit all over the garage and that’s where the washing machine and tumble dryer are.

Mom had another rant at me today and I just don’t know how to be fair anymore. Mom doesn’t want to take the cat as she already has 2 cats and doesn’t want to take it in and neither does the neighbour.

I’m losing sympathy for mom as it’s seeming less about the cat and more about her demands to do whatever she wants (she is VERY difficult if she feels she doesn’t have control, she was a nightmare when I was a teenager as she couldn’t control me any more).
If you got this far well done.
Any suggestions

Surely the cat would be happier having in living carers for it?
I would just ingore your mum and carry on. She'll get over it.. the cat would probably be greatful of some company.

Keeping the cat locked in a garage isn't a good option. Personally I'd contact a local rescue and organise revoking for the poor thing, it deserves better. The cat sounds like it is a red herring, you are right.

Take it to cats protection or rspca to be rehomed.

I don't think your tenants will be thrilled at the thought of cleaning up piles of catshit or washing and drying their clothes somewhere that stinks of It.

People lose their marbles for some reason when it comes to stray/feral cats.

Can't you put a catflap in the garage?

Revoking =rehoming. 🙄

To clarify as well - we’ll get a nice bed for the cat (at the moment it’s on an old armchair that smells so is going in the skip)

Mom keeps saying about how the cat is nervous but it just seems to keep to itself to me. It’s doing ok with everything going on so far!

Another possibility would be to install a cat-flap.

I suspect your mum isn’t happy she didn’t get the house

I did tell mom today that if she kept trying to close the cat in then I’d have to rehire the cat.

The garage door is glass so can’t put in a catflap at the moment but would leave a window open.

hoppinggreen that’s definitely part of it. She has the family home and farm, I got the house and my aunt got another piece of land she already owned with dad. Mom hated the fact that she didn’t get everything.

Will your bil be feeding the cat? Install a cat flap in the garage door if possible so the cat can come and go as he pleases.

I'd clearly tell your mum that it's not her house or her cat so she needs to stop dictating what's happening. It's nice that BIL is willing to continue to live with the cat. I'd say the cat probably didn't like being shut in the garage, being a feral cat, and will be happier being able to come and go as it pleases.
Will they be feeding it or has it never been fed?

I would just tell your mum the cat is fine, and that she simply cannot intrude.

She had two options, a) she takes the cat to live with her properly b) she leaves cat where it is. It sounds like she won’t take the cat so b option it is.

Get cat flap put in, bed for cat. Bil will feed cat presumably so it’s basically his cat now.

This is a terrible plan.

The cats owner has died and none of the late owner's family members want to adopt the cat, so now needs to be rehomed.

Realistically, the house will be rented out or sold, and its not reasonable to ask a tenant to take on an elderly cat. Assume BIL is your DHs brother? So its clouding issues that he is your family - if not a member of your Aunts family.

Time to get hard about it with your mum. She has the following options 1) she adopts the cat herself 2) she rehomes the cat to a friend herself, 3)she accepts you giving the cat to an animal shelter for rehoming.

It is not reasonable of you to make looking after an elderly cat a condition of renting your property to your BIL. (This would be different if they wanted the cat, but doesn't read like they do, more they will tolerate it/your family's bonkersness about the cat).

The cat is not part of the fixtures and fittings. Make your mum face the options available now the house is no longer your Aunt's home.

Could all this fuss over the cat ACTUALLY be your mum channeling her feelings away from grief over her sister, into something she feels more comfortable dealing/think about? ie: the cat. I suspect she feels quite lonely, what with her partner, and her sister, both whom she lived with, now gone.

Reason I ask, when my dad died suddenly, my own mum did and said some really strange, irrational things. For instance, on the one-year anniversary of his death, we decided to all meet up as a family for a weekend away together. The night before the anniversary, my mum got steaming mad about a photo of her and her sisters. She'd wanted it printing off my phone (I took the pic), which I did. But then she was mad it had printed a bit dark! She made me go off and find a photo printing place at 5pm on a Friday night, in a random town, to get new copies. She was off her rocker.

The next morning, she climbed into my bed with me, crying, saying how much she missed dad. And I was like, "ahh... that explains yesterday's mental behaviour."

People get latched onto weird things when they get over-loaded.

Oh and think, who is going to pay for vet treatment? Who is buying the cat food? Who will be responsible for covering the costs of any damage done to your tenant's property by said cat?

Its just not reasonable of you to rent out the house with the catnin situ unless BIL wants to adopt the cat, at which point it becomes his cat and nothing to do with your mother.

Does your mum want to rent the house from you so that the cat can stay there? No? Ok, then, what does she suggest.

OP, as long as you have made arrangements for someone to either feed the cat or take it to a shelter, you are fine.

Please keep in mind that your tenants, whether they are family or not, will have the right to quiet enjoyment of the property. You will need to remind your mum of that or she will cause problems for you and for your tenants.

@StickersStickers

Why can't a cat flap be fitted in the glass door? There are LOTS of options available for glass/upvc windows and doors.

If your BIL is happy to feed the cat, I'm sure it would be fine living in the garage so long as it had a comfy bed. Also provide a litter tray (away from its food and water bowls).

Some cats are just not sociable and prefer their own company. At 10+ years old and used to a rural lifestyle, it could be difficult to re-home.

Does your bil mind having a cat?

If he does, it needs rehoming.

If he’s happy to care for it while he lives there, surely he just takes care of it? Feeds it, lets it in/out etc. Cat flap and litter tray installed as necessary.

Was it shitting all over the garage because it was locked in with no litter tray? Or possibly just stress from being locked in..

I think zingally has a point there.
What's in the cats best interest? Either staying put in a way that suits the new tenants. Or being rehomed.
Just chucking food at it twice a day isn't enough. Even if it is a bit aloof and semi-feral someone needs to be responsible for making sure it's healthy and gets vet care when needed.

Tell your mum to butt out.

To me it reads like BIL DOES want, or at least is happy to have, the cat. Is that right? If so, I'd suggest a cat flap (glass doors are not a problem).
But also, who feeds the cat?
And why does it shit all over the garage?

It sounds like the thing that needs to be challenged is that your BIL moving in will scare the cat. This is catastrophising. Cat will be fine with people living in the house and BIL can set up a shed or something, or keep on with the garage, if cat needs elsewhere to live for hygiene reasons.

You say BIL is willing to let the cat in and out. I think he should be th bone proposing a solution really, as it'll be his home. Here in the UK most people would just put a cat flap in. You can get lockable ones so cat could be locked in or out at night. They can go through doors or even brickwork (with a little tunnel). But with an outdoorsy cat with hygiene issues, locking it out of the house at night with access to other shelter might be best all round.

I didn’t realise that a cat flap could be put in a glass door so that’s definitely something I’ll look into. At least that way the door could be locked.

BIL is ok about taking the cat on, they have always had cats at home so he doesn’t mind looking after it. I don’t think the cat is as nervous as mom thinks she is.

Your suspicions and @Hoppinggreen are right. This is about the house and not the cat.

I'm really sorry that you are having to deal with this in what must already be a trying situation for you. BIL has said he's happy to accommodate the cat, so a cat-flap on the house door seems ideal and by far the most straightforward solution. (Possibly also changing the locks once BiL is in, to stop Mum from "popping in" at random times).

It's your house now and your decision. Your Mum doesn't get to dictate the terms. I expect that, were she around still, your Aunt would be happy to think that her cat was being cared for in its own territory. Your Dad left the house to you and you abided by his wishes in allowing your Aunt to live there with her pet for as long as she needed it.

I can't see that you have been in any way unreasonable or mean and you are trying to do the right thing now.

I hope it all works out without too much hassle for you, your BiL and his family (and the cat). Best wishes to you. x

The cat's territory will be much bigger than just the house. The worst that can happen is it spends less time indoors once and more time in other bits of its territory. I think the cat is unlikely to have its life ruined by this. It might well be happier with people around more.