Mum holiday cottage over cleaning

[TheViewFromTheCheapSeats]

We’ve gone for a getaway in Somerset, peaceful relax time before work, and a few days in my Mum’s fussing is driving me mad.
The faff at the end always is painful, cleaning when I want to go (I strip the beds, put away clean crockery etc- the normal decent level). It impacts when I leave, as it’s the kind of cleaning where the kids need to be outside so it’s not remarked- so I feel guilty leaving a day early.

But now- it’s getting silly. It’s ineffectual fussy cleaning always (her house is messy and less clean than mine). She’s huffing and puffing with a dustpan and brush using it to sweep the downstairs. I feel like I can’t relax with the martyring around me- but honestly the whole process has resulted in the amount of bits I could fit on a tablespoon.

Just argh.

Also the ‘what shall we do’ pestering as I wake and as I go to sleep. I have three kids under 10 and they ask less.

I guess my aibu- Aibu to not clean holiday cottages beyond picking up mess and washing up???

What your contact say?

Yanbu

I’m all for leaving things generally tidy but the level of cleaning you are describing is unreasonable and not expected.

That's madness. We just tidy up, gather all rubbish and put it in the outside bin, wash and dry dishes or put a load on in the dishwasher, and that's it.

No bed stripping or sweeping! And you don't even need to put away the washed crockery.

I know where you're coming from OP, felt the same on our holiday this year.

It's not so much the cleaning as the huffing and puffing while doing it. Please, if it's that much effort and pain, leave it to me, or just don't do it.

I also had lots of "what are we doing today" and "when are we leaving", as if no-one else there can possibly be a decision-maker. I did get "when are we leaving" from kids as well as mum - my kids are teens and their enquiries are based around mobilising at the last minute. I can't guess accurately at everyone's eta of being ready - but apparently, "when we're all ready" isn't a good enough answer. But if I say a time and some people aren't ready to go, then it's my fault. Can't win.....

When you say you leave a day early, do you leave a day early to leave your mum to it on the final clean-up? If so, classy solution. Fortunately, I think we have finally got my mum in a place where she won't slave over a deep clean before she leaves.

No bed stripping or sweeping! And you don't even need to put away the washed crockery.

Why not is it very heavy 🙄

Op let your mum carry on she will want to leave it as she found it. My mum would be exactly the same!

@Mrsjayy have you read another thread…?

@MsMcGonagall yes! The fucking decision making!! And getting in the way? Now I’ve just said where we are going, so she’s immediately gone to make sandwiches. I have to make 4, she 1. Same ingredients. She will now slowly make her sandwich, put everything away and clean it precisely and slowly. Then be impatient as I get it all back out to make 4, plus recreate washing up. Making 4 or 5 sandwiches is no different for me time-wise, I’ve asked before if she’d just sit still or do something else whilst I make them all!

I just need to leave early for work reasons, but I feel massively guilty. I clean all our bedrooms and the house to broadly the standard we found it in. But she’ll then stay are-doing it all like it’s an end of tenancy clean and I’ll be guilt tripped I left her with it all… like I left the whole thing. She’ll make up things that must be done. Like all the bedding I’ve stripped she’ll move to another location she insists is the most helpful, despite me leaving it as asked for. Or she’ll fold and stack the bare pillows precisely- ignoring the fact they will be instantly moved to be recovered.

Oh @MsMcGonagall yes also the timing. If it was just me getting myself ready I’d be happy to give it to the nearest 30 seconds.

Also the ‘how long will we be out?’. I’m not dragging the kids home at a designated time if they are having fun, plus if the unexpected happens (like falling in a river) it might be cut short. I holiday to get away from routines

@Mrsjayy

No bed stripping or sweeping! And you don't even need to put away the washed crockery.

Why not is it very heavy 🙄

Op let your mum carry on she will want to leave it as she found it. My mum would be exactly the same!

We don’t have a dishwasher at home and also let dishes air dry at home.

There is nothing wrong with leaving washed dishes in the rack to air dry and for the cleaner to put away.

@takehomepay I actually said I do put it away, just an odd response

Would drive me nuts... 😁. I loathe housework and my mission in leaving holiday properties is leave it with all our stuff out/rubbish out and kitchen sides cleaned/stripped beds .... Takes less than 15mins. Nothing else... I'm on holiday!

Someone I knew who was a domestic supervisor for well known holiday chalet place....Often they'd take out all the crockery /cutlery people had put away... As some chalets they had cleaned cutlery /plates by hand, badly, and was still dirty.... In light of this..
I always use dishwasher on holiday and put it on just before we leave .. I don't hang around to empty it.....

Don't take her on holiday with you. She sounds selfish (just making one sandwich for herself and refusing to do them for her FAMILY) and a pain in the arse, like she spoils your holiday.

She's clearly looking for ways to be useful. Why doesn't she make all the sandwiches?

Your mother sounds like she does not feel she has any value or purpose and so is creating work for herself.

Does she have hobbies and friends at home?

[quote TheViewFromTheCheapSeats]@takehomepay I actually said I do put it away, just an odd response[/quote]
I saw that, my answer was in response to Mrsjayy asking me why I don't put them away.

Aim for a small win with the sandwiches - ask her to leave the ingredients and equipment out for you, instead of cleaning and putting away.

Try to be pleased that you are leaving early and will not witness the final clean. You can't control her wish and aim to do a thorough clean, but you won't have to see it. Counter any subsequent guilt-tripping with "you know you don't have to do X before you leave, they have arranged cleaners" about any particular complained about task.

Deep breaths OP. Try to rise above it and find the things you DO enjoy with your mum - find the rewarding conversation topic or TV programme or board game or something.

Though I must admit, I am thinking, possibly, "never again" about holidaying with my mum, after this year.

We always clean the gutters of leaves and moss when we leave although we have stopped rodding the drains.

I’m actually staying with my parents (mid-70s, good health) for a couple of days while having some building work done at home, and they both seem to have turned into people who spend huge amounts of the day faffing around tasks that could be accomplished in minutes. They spend forever setting the table and resetting it again after washing up — they have a dishwasher they never seem to use — doing small, unnecessary half-loads and putting the washing out and taking it back in at a hint of a cloud, picking up individual flower petals that have fallen, and scrutinising the garden for stray blades of grass, going to the shops daily to buy very small amounts of things.

I can only conclude that if you are someone without much to do, tasks take up a disproportionately huge amount of time, whereas when you’re wrangling a FT job, children, general life admin, housework, house renovations etc, you have to be efficient.

If it were my mum I’d tell her to focus her efforts where it’s needed - her house. You need to be honest with her

Can you distract her with jobs to keep her happily busy that are actually helpful?

Mum can you make 3 ham sandwiches with butter, 1 cheese sandwich with mayo and whatever you want.

Mum can you sort the recycling while I strip the beds

Mum can you read a book to dc while I read this work email (secretly mumsnet)

If she has a purpose she might faff less and it might be easier on you

My mum starts clearing up about 3 days before we are due to leave. Just means we end up taking everything back out because we are still using it given we are only half way through our holiday! She then can't relax for the rest of the trip, itching to tidy it away again. Drives me mad.

You're not alone in your frustration op. I could've written this about my mum. I know she means well and it comes from a place of wanting to help but when it's not ACTUALLY helpful to me, I have to wonder who she's really doing it for? I can't bear the martyrdom either!

Exactly the same as my MIL....did not holiday with in laws this year as I can't stand the constant tidying,washing of cups at 6am! The need to have every hour scripted and planned.They will not go anywhere by themselves and it's like looking after another 2 children,this means it is not a restful time, so we enjoyed a week in Wales without them this year which didn't go down well!
Feel guilty so have booked a break with them next year,God help us.......

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

We always clean the gutters of leaves and moss when we leave although we have stopped rodding the drains.

This made me snort

Lol, she just just chucked lid of the squash bottle fussing around me as I poured squash 🤦‍♀️

It’s hard to be reasonable with her, as she thinks she is the reasonable one, the hard worker etc. I think she’s be very affronted and say no if I asked for sandwiches. She’s martyring already.

I have actually cooked every evening meal here, I’m hardly doing nothing. I just do it quicker.