…to wonder whether it’s possible to pull yourself up from rock bottom?

[Flawedperfection]

First of all, RIP to Sarah Harding. I’m so sorry her life was cut so short. Too young.

As the title suggests, I’m not in the pink/on the up. Not a beg or pity party, looking to improve things.
Can’t quite believe I’m in the position I’m in to be honest. Overweight, homeless, low-employed, friendless, shit family.
Might be recognized in real life here but don’t really give a shit as nobody has helped in any way, apart from 2 individuals who let me house sit for a few days apiece (and I did plenty of gardening, cleaning, diy and present buying to try to repay them for this).
Have been homeless for nearly 3 months (but not on streets), house-sitting and Airbnbs etc. Currently at an Airbnb. I stupidly left a paye job recently as the pay was so low and the conditions were crap. I took the job to see if I could get housing benefit but knowing my luck, I wouldn’t get a penny. I don’t know how to apply for benefits anyway and have always struggled and budgeted hard.
What’s surprised me most of all here (call me naive) is how many people have ignored me and my plight when they know I’ve been homeless and had nearly 2 weeks in my car at one point. I even slept in my work car pro at one point as I felt safe there. No one checked to see how I was. I hope that if I knew someone in need, I would offer them a sofa for a night or 2 (if I trusted them; obviously not a random male). Family have done nothing, so-called friends/acquaintances and colleagues. My ex-best friend kept saying “oh you can’t sleep in your car- that’s terrible”, and actually offered a room for one night, only to renege on this at the last minute. She didn’t even apologise or check on my welfare. I consider that friendship dead.
People I’ve helped financially etc have honestly turned their backs or maybe thought someone else would help; I don’t know.
Every night I slept in my car I really couldn’t believe it and was most worried about being seen/noticed sleeping as I am an incredibly private person and would hate to be seen in the vulnerable state of sleep.
I feel very let down and that I don’t matter. Sometimes I feel like a useless lump of cells that is no use to anyone. I am NOT suicidal but I just can’t see the point sometimes (I know I don’t mean this).
It’s horrible and I don’t want to be this person.
I’m hoping to take up a live-in job which will sort the homelessness and financial side, but that will be temporary. Need a proper fresh start in employment following this.
If anyone has been here- needing to completely start over, and has done it, please could you share tips and honest, yet kind points?

Oh you poor thing. Your friend sounds an absolute cow, letting you down like that.

How soon will you know about the job with accommodation?

Start with citizen’s advice bureau if you can. It’s possible to pull yourself up but easiest if you use the handholds and footholds that organisations like CAB can show you. And good luck.

I personally haven't been in your position but have felt helpless at being a low income situation with little way forward.

I'd suggest getting in touch as others have said with Citizens Advice and your local job centre. They will be able to assist you in the best way forward. x

You have been and are going through an awful lot. Of course it is possible to create a better life, hard but possible. Humans forget, our very being is a miracle, you are incredible.

@HollowTalk

Oh you poor thing. Your friend sounds an absolute cow, letting you down like that.

How soon will you know about the job with accommodation?

What a horrible person. You are right, shes no friend.

So sorry to read this OP, I hope you manage to get back on your feet. It's horrible that you haven't got a safety net and that you've been let down :-(

You sound like a lovely person, I think first step would definitely be some sort of live in care work which you can hopefully secure ASAP (this is hard work but having slept in your car will probably be ok for a bit!). Then trying to save up as much as possible for as long as possible so you have a nest egg to secure more permanent accommodation eventually (you might even find you like the work).
Deal with one problem at a time and don’t focus on the weight for now, just try to focus on cutting down a bit, healthier choices and walking etc for fresh air (get a placement with an old person with a dog and this might kill two birds with one stone!!).

Your friends do sound horrible!! It’s definitely you not them!

Wishing you luck Op, you can honestly do this, and I think you will bring a lot to someone’s life if you go into this type of work, you sound really kind.

Just googled, live in jobs and there are thousands on Indeed, if you don’t mind were you live, mostly in hospitality.

You do sound lovely and just life has been unlucky for you. Sadly you do find out who your friends are when shit hits the fan. A live in job sounds good start but not care work that usually is 2 weeks on/off affair if living in other peoples homes and you will need somewhere to go on your weeks off. But hospitality could be place start. The pay will not be amazing but the largest expense is housing and you will have that.

I’m so sorry you’re in this position

I agree with @Boobieboobieboobie hotels are crying out for live in staff. My daughter has gone to a hotel in the channel Islands. She didn’t have experience, but the basic wage is £21,000. Her rent is £300 (large room with sofa, tv and en-suite) and two meals a day are included. She’s already been promoted after only a few months. She lives a minute from a beach and loves it.

She was approached after putting her cv on indeed, but the reason I’m telling you was because she was approached by 15 different hotels. The one she’s at were the first to contact her.

It must be worth a try. Good luck

Thanks for the kind and constructive words- really helpful and that’s what I need as only I can sort this out and look back on it as a blip. Funnily enough though I couldn’t get through to the CAB a few weeks’ back and gave up calling.
That’s great about your daughter @UnitedRoad- I did the same as your daughter (but for care and governess type jobs). Nearly 20 got back to me but it takes so long with training, inductions etc etc even though I’ve worked in care on and off for years!

There is truth in you find out who your friends are when the chips are down.
can't believe friends knew that you slept in your car

Many do come back from rock bottom, you should be entitled to benefits contact CA.
Care work should pay for any training required, you'll be in a better place when you do come back, life always improves.

It is sometimes, even often, possible depending on what the circumstances were that cause you to reach rock bottom in the first place. Help from friends and family makes it a lot easier, it is really tough if you dont have that.

Sorry to hear about your plight. If you have care experience, places like L'arche have live in jobs and provide meals and training. You could go on to apply for other jobs and housing from there.

Unfortunately allowing someone to stay on their sofa for 'just a night or two' often leads to very difficult discussions when the night or two are up and the person is still homeless.

It is absolutely possible, but you need to make small changes, one at once. You've listed all of the things you deem wrong, but don't try to deal with everything.
Your first priority is housing. Could you maybe say the general area (town or even county) you live in and perhaps people can suggest charities that can help you. Yes there's citizens advice, but most are only available a couple of days a week. You need help with claiming benefits and getting a roof over your head. Once you've got the sussed, you can look at employment.
Don't worry about friends and family. To give a different perspective, maybe they think if they offer you a bed for the night it will turn into something more than a night or two, and honestly, I get that. It's an awful position to put someone in when they then feel they have to ask you to leave and you have outstayed your welcome. People have their own families to support and that is often a task in itself. I would offer a close friend or family member a sofa and meals for a couple of nights, but beyond that couple of nights it wouldn't be practical and you are just sofa surfing, relying on a heck of a lot of people. The only person who can help you is you.

It is shit with upfront deposits required to rent anywhere you stuck in a vicious circle.
I am still shocked anyone could leave you in your car.
Apply for benefits immediately and hopefully there is some department or charity to help with a deposit.
Are you in the UK. I don't know the services available there, is womens aid an option?

Have you been and declared yourself homeless? There are night shelters available and the staff there can help with support and benefit advice.

Do you have parents, siblings OP?

If you don’t mind me asking, what happened with the last accommodation that you had?

Have you tried your local Facebook group, to see if anyone has a cheap room that they can rent you?

It is possible, one day my partner walked out, informing me by text thar I had 2 days to move out as he hadn't paid the rent for 2 years. I had to move back to my parents and as he had disappeared I was liable for the full amount owing. The pressure got to me in the end and it resulted in a breakdown and a 4 months stint in hospital.

When I got out I had no where to stay. Instead I joined some local support groups and promised myself I wouldn't let life beat me. 5 years after coming out of hospital I now have a job in mental health, I have a new partner and am expecting my second daughter. I have a roof over my head and food in my tummy and clean clothes.

Look out to see if there's any local groups like P3, Shelter etc. Volunteering can help with a little self Esteem boost. It's the little things at the moment, but from acorns, great oaks grow, or so they say.

Your situation sounds awful. Can you perhaps seek advice from shelter or similar, they may know of hostels or shared accommodation for now. You can apply for Universal credit easily online or on a smart phone, it may be tricky not having an address but you can use a care of address if need be. If it's temporary/ emergency accomodation it would be housing benefit. I hope things improve for you soon.

How did you end up leaving your last accommodation op? And how are you funding the Airbnb?
My friend left her dh and had no money until her benefits came through, she found a house and the landlady actually let her move in and pay at the end of the month when her money came through. She did show her all the application etc but it shows some people will give you a chance.

This is all really sad apart from this bit:

“I took the job to see if I could get housing benefit but knowing my luck, I wouldn’t get a penny. I don’t know how to apply for benefits anyway”

I imagine that your friends aren’t helping because they can’t believe that you wouldn’t be entitled to benefits if you just looked into it. You have internet access or you wouldn’t be in MN so get off here and go to Universal Credit. Or take another minimum wage job?

I think you perhaps do need to reach out more to other services.
How do you know you won't get benefits of you don't try or ask for help filling the form in.

@SweetBabyCheeses99

This is all really sad apart from this bit:

“I took the job to see if I could get housing benefit but knowing my luck, I wouldn’t get a penny. I don’t know how to apply for benefits anyway”

I imagine that your friends aren’t helping because they can’t believe that you wouldn’t be entitled to benefits if you just looked into it. You have internet access or you wouldn’t be in MN so get off here and go to Universal Credit. Or take another minimum wage job?

Agree. Are you hoping someone will take you in to their home instead of having to start again? That isn't a criticism, I'm just curious. Where are your family?