To always want the best for her, but not able to afford it

[Bugaboosy]

For context, I live abroad and the education system is different where I am. I’m an Early years/primary teacher and have worked part time since Dd, 3 was born. She’s always been at home with me or Dp. We decided now would be a good time to send her to Pre school a couple of days per week (they don’t start school here until 6)
Lots of the nurseries are not on par with the U.K. really, but there’s want I taught in before dd came along, which is really excellent, I know she’d love it so much and would gain a great deal from going there. The thing is, it’s double the cost of other nurseries..I’m desperate for her to go there and do better and have a more fulfilling experience and am currently looking for more hours teaching, so I can pay the fees. I want so much for her, this includes horse riding lessons in the future, piano etc (obviously, only if she enjoys, I wouldn’t push her, although I’m aware I sound like a pushy mum, I’m not) I just really want all the best opportunities to be available to her, I’d love to send her to primary school, but can’t afford. Did anyone else feel like that when they had children, my ambition level has risen and I’d work extra hours if it made I was able to provide these things.

*There’s one I taught in

*Private school-damn phone 🙈

*meant I was able

She’s only three - what she needs just now is loads of quality play. Will she get that at her current nursery?

I think everyone wants what is best for their DC but its not always money related.

Private schools where we live are relatively cheap (1.5k per year). DS1 is currently at a private primary (last year) but won't be going to the secondary cos it just doesn't suit him or his needs. What would be best for my family is for me to work less so Im looking at dropping to a 3 day week. He needs more time not money.

Op have a cup of tea and calm down. Send her where you can afford.

@Pumperthepumper The nursery I’ve just signed up for isn’t good enough in my opinion, lots aren’t where we are, aside from the one I worked at. It’s fantastic, very free, quality play and learning, I just know how much she’d love it.

Sounds reasonable, I get that feeling of wanting every opportunity to be available to your little one. But as pp has said, 3 is still little enough that you can build up to those extras.

If you have any big gut feelings / alarm bells ringing about the day care not being a good fit, then that is a priority, otherwise just keep researching and looking at your options?

Hard to say more specifically really as each country is so different.

Follow your parenting instincts, but remember youve got time to add in the other things in the coming years.

@InvincibleInvisibility God, that’s really cheap, is thousands here, not doable. We’re lucky in that we have the quality time together and have since she was born, I only work a few hours per week, will go back full time when she’s in school. I just know what a difference certain places make, money allows you to access all the best things, so frustrating.

[quote Bugaboosy]@Pumperthepumper The nursery I’ve just signed up for isn’t good enough in my opinion, lots aren’t where we are, aside from the one I worked at. It’s fantastic, very free, quality play and learning, I just know how much she’d love it.[/quote]
What makes it not good though?

If it's not good enough why are you sending her when it's not compulsory? With your teaching background plus activities etc you can probably provide everything she needs without the cost of the better nursery

Yes it’s completely normal to feel that way but you also have to be realistic based on your budget!

We couldn’t afford private school fees as we had 3 dcs,. One would have loved to go and would have thrived because of the excellent sporting opportunities and facilities. (They are very talented at sports).

Instead we made sure we offered them opportunities based on their individual interests outside of school and also spent lots of time practicing with them.

@Pumperthepumper I suppose it’s in comparison to the one I worked at, which starts with circle time, songs, the calendar, weather, days of the week/months of the year etc. They then do singing, show and tell, free choice for Montessori, art, yoga, music, I just love it all and know how it would suit my Dd as we do aspects of that at home.
She’s been to the nursery I’ve signed up for only twice, but they don’t play outside in the morning (Dd only does mornings at present) she said the teacher said no playing with toys or drawing or painting 🤷🏻‍♀️ I get they’re settling them in, but there’s no timetable of what they do, no extra music lessons or much creative play. I just feel disappointed and Dd isn’t happy, obviously v early days though. So unfair that opportunities are only available if you have lots of money

If you're familiar with good practice in EYFS, can't you recreate at least some of that for her at home? Books and language-rich environments are the most important thing for young children, good EYFS experiences don't have to come in the shape of multi thousands of pounds nurseries. Of course, being at home she will only be around you and your husband rather than children of her own age but that doesn't seem to be the part you're most concerned about. Ultimately, nearly every parent wants the very best for their children but have to make that happen within the parameters of what they can afford. If you can provide your daughter with the quality play experiences at home then you are going to return to work full time why not save up to send her to private school in the equivalent of KS2 or secondary school?

[quote Bugaboosy]@Pumperthepumper I suppose it’s in comparison to the one I worked at, which starts with circle time, songs, the calendar, weather, days of the week/months of the year etc. They then do singing, show and tell, free choice for Montessori, art, yoga, music, I just love it all and know how it would suit my Dd as we do aspects of that at home.
She’s been to the nursery I’ve signed up for only twice, but they don’t play outside in the morning (Dd only does mornings at present) she said the teacher said no playing with toys or drawing or painting 🤷🏻‍♀️ I get they’re settling them in, but there’s no timetable of what they do, no extra music lessons or much creative play. I just feel disappointed and Dd isn’t happy, obviously v early days though. So unfair that opportunities are only available if you have lots of money[/quote]
That can’t be true - if they don’t go outside, paint or draw or play with toys, what do they do?

Yes, good idea to increase your hours if you can. It's great to be able to offer your child chances if you can.

Is it a nursery attached to a fee paying primary school?

If so, attending just for nursery would probably not benefit your DD any/much more than other options where the other DC will move onto schools DD is more likely to attend.

What’s ‘best’ needs to be affordable, feasible etc.

@KingdomScrolls I’m honestly starting to think that more and more, we do lots at home and we have lots of play dates with friends, but I thought it could be good for her to be independent and to also be bilingual (Dp is fluent, but I’m not fully there yet) little ones pick it up very quickly.
I’m more than happy to have her at home, but thought it would be beneficial for her, now I’m not so sure

@Pumperthepumper No it definitely can’t be true, as is most likely the settling in period, her excitement at things just seems to be waning. I don’t think they do it as much as they could

[quote Bugaboosy]@Pumperthepumper No it definitely can’t be true, as is most likely the settling in period, her excitement at things just seems to be waning. I don’t think they do it as much as they could[/quote]
Right, so they do do all those things?

I want the best for my children too, but it has to be balanced with what is best for the family. I'm not taking a massively higher paid job to afford more for the kids if it means less time with them and more stress.

You do come across as a bit elitist about this nursery tbh.

@Waspsarearseholes Yes, exactly, I’m able to provide all of that at home and she has just started a fun dance class and gymnastics, plus we see friends. I just wanted that sort of independent time away from me with lots of children in a different setting and to become bilingual. I only want to send her two days per week as we do everything else at home. I just know this other nursery would be such a good fit for her.
We can pay but it would mean really tightening our belts, less treats etc, mainly just mortgage, bills, food bought and then a tiny bit left over.
Is it worth living like that for a few years (proper school starts at 6)

@Dozer No, it’s not attached to a fee paying school, however many go from there to one of two good fee paying schools, don’t go to local state schools though. Our friendship group with her friends too is a mix of backgrounds and the children are at different pre schools, some still at home or a couple home school.

@OwlinaTree Not at all, I think because there’s not really any good options here as there would be in the U.K. They all look pretty fantastic to me over there, I’d be over the moon with her going to them. It does make me wonder about the future and if she’d be better in the U.K.
This pre school is the closest we’d get to the ones in the U.K.