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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DM has cut me off because I had the vaccine

26 replies

TheMadCat · 04/09/2021 21:24

Her parting words to me where “I can’t watch you die because of that venom”

She’s a covid denier, believes a lot of the conspiracy theories about it and tells me it’s all a lie by the government to control us. She says since covid I’ve changed and been brainwashed by what people have told me – I have friends who’re nurses, friends in the ambulance service, as well as some of the parents at school losing relatives, I believe it’s real from the stories I’ve been told. One of the nurses I’ve known for 5 years and she’s broken by it all – she’s usually an extremely strong and positive person.

I don’t care about that, the biggest issue for me is her trying to get to my DD (aged 7).

I’ve told school not to let anyone but me pick DD up (I already email them if ExH is picking her as there’s a CAO for his contact and that’s the agreed protocol for CAOs at school). So couldn’t even get through the gates (DDs been back 2 days and she’s already tried again!). But she keeps trying, she’s emailed her, thankfully DD knows to show me all emails on her tablet before opening them so didn't see anything but DMs email address.

She’s tried to persuade my dad who she’s been divorced from for 15 years to let her see DD when he takes her and my DN to an after school club – DM is not DNs GP, they’re my half siblings child on my dads side.

I expect she’ll approach my abusive ExH next for contact, he only sees DD EOW for 1 night so I doubt his parents would willingly give up their only time with their GC, but I’m done with it all.

I don’t know what else to do. I would actually love to speak to my mum, whatever her views and let her see DD but she just wants DD without me because I’m apparently going to die and she can’t watch that –no idea what she’d do if I have cancer—I’'ve tried texting but I think I'm blocked as the texts won't go through.

AIBU to consider an NMO?

OP posts:
Lunificent · 04/09/2021 21:26

I think you should consider it. She is harassing you and your daughter and trying to target from school against your wishes.
What was she like as a mother when you were a child?

Lunificent · 04/09/2021 21:27

Take not target

Original poster
TheMadCat · 04/09/2021 21:29

@Lunificent

I think you should consider it. She is harassing you and your daughter and trying to target from school against your wishes. What was she like as a mother when you were a child?
Could be a bit unpredictable in that sometimes she'd be really happy and other times really down. But she never hit me or my full sibling and wasn't neglectful or abusive.
OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 04/09/2021 21:30

I'd keep her away from your DD - imagine if she told your child you were going to die. She sounds unhinged and unstable.

Classica · 04/09/2021 21:30

Wow, she sounds like a nightmare! This Covid disinformation has really done a number on so many people. Has she always been someone who loves a conspiracy theory? To be honest, it's probably for the best that she cuts off contact for a while. Saves you from having to deal with her crazy. Your DD sounds sensible re. the emails etc but stick to your guns on not letting her see her. She does not sound like the kind of person you want around your child. She'd probably really distress your child with tales about how mummy is going to die from taking the vaccine.

I'd have no patience with that shit.

Theworldisfullofgs · 04/09/2021 21:31

I would. It sounds like she has some deep seated problems

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/09/2021 21:33

Mine is the same, she won't hug me since I had the vaccine Hmm

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 04/09/2021 21:33

She really doesnt like you having any autonomy does she. Are you the poster whose DM started volunteering at your dds school?

I think on the basis of what youve written I would seriously investigate nmo. If youre the above poster then absofuckinglutely.

kaleidoscopeheartless · 04/09/2021 21:33

You need to block her emails address on your daughter email address. Or better still set her up a new one.

Original poster
TheMadCat · 04/09/2021 21:34

@Classica

Wow, she sounds like a nightmare! This Covid disinformation has really done a number on so many people. Has she always been someone who loves a conspiracy theory? To be honest, it's probably for the best that she cuts off contact for a while. Saves you from having to deal with her crazy. Your DD sounds sensible re. the emails etc but stick to your guns on not letting her see her. She does not sound like the kind of person you want around your child. She'd probably really distress your child with tales about how mummy is going to die from taking the vaccine.

I'd have no patience with that shit.

Not a conspiracy theory believer before now but she seems to be taken in by a lot of them all of a sudden. It's quite tiring to listen to. The problem is one of her sisters believes it all too so they're riling each other up.

Thankfully my other Aunt is much more sensible.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheMadCat · 04/09/2021 21:35

@kaleidoscopeheartless

You need to block her emails address on your daughter email address. Or better still set her up a new one.
Blocked DM on the tablet, I set up DMs email account so I doubt she'll be able to set another up, but I've prepared in case.
OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 04/09/2021 21:36

Christ that sounds awful, I’m sorry. But yes absolutely keep her away from your DD, you don’t want her scaring DD but telling her that mummy is going to die and chose to etc.

Original poster
TheMadCat · 04/09/2021 21:36

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

She really doesnt like you having any autonomy does she. Are you the poster whose DM started volunteering at your dds school?

I think on the basis of what youve written I would seriously investigate nmo. If youre the above poster then absofuckinglutely.

Not the same poster, my DDs school doesn't have parent volunteers thankfully (didn't even pre-covid)
OP posts:
Notashandyta · 04/09/2021 21:51

Sympathies. My mum has gone the exact same way. Terrifying tbh.

Earlydancing · 04/09/2021 21:52

I was fully vaccinated by April. I'm hoping for my booster soon. I believe in covid and understand how serious it can be. I'm grateful for the vaccine and any help it might give me. However, as much as I believe all that and believe I'm 100% right, your mum believes the opposite. So it must very scary for her to know in her own mind that you are endangering your life by taking untested vaccine and you are being brainwashed. Unless you are suggesting she's doing this to be deliberately nasty (and I didn't get that from your post), I'd say, and I know I'm going to get shot down for this, that she's saying these things because she cares and worries about you.

Having said that, your daughter is only 7 and she really doesn't need to get caught up in this. I fully understand you not wanting to your daughter to be alone with your mum. But I can't see how you'd get a NMO. A pp said that she is harassing you but it's you that are (understandably and kindly) contacting her. And I think sending your granddaughter emails doesn't count as harassment. Is there anyone else on her side of the family who could reason with her or oversee a visit with your daughter? Who could at the first sign of your mum saying something ill-advised have your dd away. So that your mum understands that if she wants continued contact, she has to obey certain guidelines.

I feel v sorry for your situation. This must be happening across the country and is yet another shitty side to bloody covid. I hope you manage to sort it out.

Original poster
TheMadCat · 04/09/2021 21:58

@Earlydancing

I was fully vaccinated by April. I'm hoping for my booster soon. I believe in covid and understand how serious it can be. I'm grateful for the vaccine and any help it might give me. However, as much as I believe all that and believe I'm 100% right, your mum believes the opposite. So it must very scary for her to know in her own mind that you are endangering your life by taking untested vaccine and you are being brainwashed. Unless you are suggesting she's doing this to be deliberately nasty (and I didn't get that from your post), I'd say, and I know I'm going to get shot down for this, that she's saying these things because she cares and worries about you.

Having said that, your daughter is only 7 and she really doesn't need to get caught up in this. I fully understand you not wanting to your daughter to be alone with your mum. But I can't see how you'd get a NMO. A pp said that she is harassing you but it's you that are (understandably and kindly) contacting her. And I think sending your granddaughter emails doesn't count as harassment. Is there anyone else on her side of the family who could reason with her or oversee a visit with your daughter? Who could at the first sign of your mum saying something ill-advised have your dd away. So that your mum understands that if she wants continued contact, she has to obey certain guidelines.

I feel v sorry for your situation. This must be happening across the country and is yet another shitty side to bloody covid. I hope you manage to sort it out.

I don't think she's being nasty but she's likely to tell my DD that the vaccines are bad and that anyone who has them is going to die or similar - both me and ExH have had the vaccine so she'd basically be telling my DD that both her parents are going to die.

My mum is absolutely entitled to her views, thats not my problem, it's her trying to dictate my own views and autonmy and the potential for her to scare my DD that I disagree with. I contacted her to try and compromise but she's blocked me.

For context my dad has refused the vaccine too but he respects my views and hasn't cut me off because of them.

One of her sisters believes the same as her so they rile each other up, have long conversations about it and meet each other to discuss it. The other sister believes in covid and has tried to put her point across to both my mum and my Aunt but she gets shot down, it's really sad to see. DM has no living parents anymore.

OP posts:
Earlydancing · 04/09/2021 22:13

Sorry, I think I've upset you and I really didn't mean to. I absolutely think your daughter doesn't need to be caught up in this, meaning, your mum can't say anything to your daughter to say, imply, hint that either you or her father are at risk from taking the vaccine. In fact at 7, she shouldn't even have to be thinking about covid at all. Its so sad for children. I really do sympathise with your situation, made worse by your mum having a sister that is egging her on.

I was just trying to counter other posters saying she was batshit. Because even if she is, it must be distressing for her to believe you're endangering your life, especially because she loves you. I hope I made it quite clear, I don't share her views at all. I don't blame you for going for no contact, I just don't see how a NMO would be awarded in this situation. You seem to have control over access to your daughter so I guess it depends on what your ex does.

It's very sad that you all love each other, (and you sound like a very loving daughter) but because your mum can't control herself, your relationships are being jeopardised. I hope she sees sense soon.

godmum56 · 04/09/2021 22:18

sorry, she is entitled to her own views but the rest is dangerous batshittery

StarshipsAreMeantToFly · 04/09/2021 22:18

I think you're right to escalate the protection at this point

Original poster
TheMadCat · 04/09/2021 22:19

@Earlydancing

Sorry, I think I've upset you and I really didn't mean to. I absolutely think your daughter doesn't need to be caught up in this, meaning, your mum can't say anything to your daughter to say, imply, hint that either you or her father are at risk from taking the vaccine. In fact at 7, she shouldn't even have to be thinking about covid at all. Its so sad for children. I really do sympathise with your situation, made worse by your mum having a sister that is egging her on.

I was just trying to counter other posters saying she was batshit. Because even if she is, it must be distressing for her to believe you're endangering your life, especially because she loves you. I hope I made it quite clear, I don't share her views at all. I don't blame you for going for no contact, I just don't see how a NMO would be awarded in this situation. You seem to have control over access to your daughter so I guess it depends on what your ex does.

It's very sad that you all love each other, (and you sound like a very loving daughter) but because your mum can't control herself, your relationships are being jeopardised. I hope she sees sense soon.

Not upset, sorry if i came across that way. Frustrated with my mum because of the situation, I love her and worry about how this is affecting her mentally.

Thank you for the perspective of how she must be feeling. I can totally empathize if my DD did something I thought was life threatening I'd absolutely be worried about her.

OP posts:
takehomepay · 04/09/2021 22:20

Does your mum have a lot of time on her hands? The devil makes work for idle hands, so the saying goes.

Original poster
TheMadCat · 04/09/2021 22:22

@takehomepay

Does your mum have a lot of time on her hands? The devil makes work for idle hands, so the saying goes.
Doesn't work anymore, which is another conspiracy she believes, I can't get my head around that one so don't ask me to explain what it actually is.
OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 04/09/2021 22:22

No way would I let my mother have any access to my daughter if she cut me off, especially for such a ridiculous reason.

What does she think we are all going to die of? And when? Does she think all the 48 million of us who have had at least one dose are going to die?

Sommernacht89 · 04/09/2021 22:24

I think your DM has a quite serious mental health problems.

Original poster
TheMadCat · 04/09/2021 22:25

@FictionalCharacter

No way would I let my mother have any access to my daughter if she cut me off, especially for such a ridiculous reason.

What does she think we are all going to die of? And when? Does she think all the 48 million of us who have had at least one dose are going to die?

She thinks we've been injected with poison that's going to slowly kill everyone whose had it over the last few years and it's the US governments plan to cut the worlds population and Boris and everyone is in "on it". Also Boris is using the vaccine passports to control us.

It all sounds a bit odd to me especially as both me and my full sibling had all our childhood vaccines and DM was fine when DD had her injections as a baby and toddler.

OP posts: