Am I expecting too much?

[anon19918]

I have been with DP for seven months, things are largely going well. A few hiccups but nothing major.

I am chronically ill, but able to do most things most of the time. I become unwell often as my immune system is crap with things like tonsillitis and chest infections. We currently live 2.5 hours apart so FaceTime a lot, I called him today and told him I had tonsil and he rolled his eyes and said he's lost his patience with me being unwell.

He said its because I've been constantly ill for three months and says I don't rest enough so can't recover. I go out once at the weekend, maybe three times a month and I am a single parent. I rest as much as I can.

I was also attacked in my home almost three months ago by an intruder and when I asked if he would come to be with me (this was when he living five minutes away) and he told me to ask someone else. He said this because we had had a falling out a couple days prior (nothing major) and hadn't been speaking much.

He had an incident at his new place and asked me to be with him for support, I drove the 2.5 hours to be there with him.

It's been a hard year money and health wise, as well as the attack. I have also lost a couple of long-term close friends due to them letting me down. I expressed to him I was stressed and he and he said "what because of the money situation?". And I just felt like: ugh!!!!! How can he be so unaware.

I really care for him and he has so many good qualities. Am I expecting too much from him?

If he is getting pissed off with your illness, and not wanting to be there for you when you have a major fright, 7 months in, when it's still the 'honeymoon' phase and he should be trying to impress you, its never going to get better.

He has set the bar for who he is, and how he will treat you.

Only you can decide if the bar is high enough for you.

it isn't

Doesn't care about you enough?!
If wonder if he cares about you at all. Seriously, you had an intruder in your house who attacked you.

Pretend one of your friends told you this, and that her partner said Oh can't someone else come and sit with you?

He sounds like a selfish shit. Get rid.

You aren’t expecting too much from a partner, but you are expecting too much from him. Not coming to see you after your break in would’ve been the last straw for me, if he can’t even support you in a time like that he clearly doesn’t give much of a shit I’m sorry to say. He doesn’t seem to like you very much.

If a vague acquaintance called me, upset, to say they'd been attacked by an intruder then I would race to their place to give them a huge and let them talk about it. He's your boyfriend and didn't do that?! Bloody hell this shouldn't even be a tough call - off he fucks!

@anon19918 load of rubbish. I met my husband as a single parent and he is amazing! Do not settle! At 7 months it should be honeymoon period!

@anon19918

I needed this, I'm really considering walking away now. It will take a lot for me to pluck up the courage.

I don't know how to explain to him how his comment about him losing patience with me being ill was wrong. I don't think he will understand

A break up doesn't need to be agreed on by both people OP. You don't have to give a reason thats 'enough' to make it happen. He isnt making you feel happy, cared for, valued and wanted. Seven months in, when things should be easy. I have chronic illness too and it's (obviously) fucking exhausting at the best of times. Having to carry the mental load of an up and down relationship is such a huge waste of your energy.

You really tell how much someone cares about you by how they are in the bad times, not by how much fun the fun times are. He wasn't willing to support you when you needed it, he isn't willing to stand by you when you're ill. You're better than this.

You don’t need to explain it to him, it’s not your job to make him understand.
You only need to tell him that you don’t want to be with him.

I feel like I'd regret it. It's for the best though o think. Thank you all

Things are largely going well??? All these negatives and only together 7 months - he should still be on best behaviour and trying to impress. It is not going well and you deserve better. If you don't set your standards high for yourself, please do so for your child. 💐

I missed the part where it’s largely going well? In the kindest way this sounds like an awful relationship with a horrible man child

Please don’t settle. You can do better.

I have a chronic condition I had before meeting my now DH. He took an interest and is understanding when I am tired /grumpy / feeling shitty. Sometimes I’m sure it’s annoying for him too (like when I’m snappy snd irritable) but I know if I needed him he would be there without question - can you say the same about this bloke?

@bakingdemon

You really tell how much someone cares about you by how they are in the bad times, not by how much fun the fun times are. He wasn't willing to support you when you needed it, he isn't willing to stand by you when you're ill. You're better than this.

This is what struck me. He’s ok as long as you’re not unwell. His comments show that he will never understand your immune system problem. As for his response about the intruder - big red flag.

No explanation needed...

He hasn't offered a reasonable explanation for not being there for you when you needed him, why would you need to explain why you don't want to be there for him for the rest of his life?

"Sorry this isn't for me" should be enough.

He doesn't play the fiddle for you. You can leave him. You want to. Do it.

You were attacked in your home and he told you he didn’t want to come over to support you.

What kind of person is this?

Think about who you would say no to in that position - no one is her. I’d support pretty much anyone in that position let alone a partner.

Being single is better than being with an uncaring arse like him.

You had an intruder
He was 5 minutes away
He didn't come to help you

His actions tell you exactly who he is

End this "relationship" today
He is not your friend

You’re not expecting too much. You’ve been expecting too little.

He’s an asshole who doesn’t care anywhere near enough. You deserve far better.

You deserve waaaay better.

He’s not your partner - he doesn’t deserve that.

Dump him

You seem like a lovely person, OP. From what you've said it sounds like things are only fun for him when everything is running smoothly. If you really care about someone you're there for them whatever happens. It's appalling behaviour for him not to support you after the intruder attack just because you had had a minor tiff.
You deserve better than him, maybe it might take a while to meet someone else but so what, you're no less valuable as a singleton.
Don't just settle for anyone simply because it's a man in your life.

DUMP him. He's a nasty bastard.

Also you don't owe him and explanation.

You are expecting too little.
I would end this relationship immediately and without explanation. No way would i remain "friends"

I would not be able to get past the home invasion thing. Very petty and very callous. It must have been incredibly frightening for you.

He doesnt sound nice at all and if he is this uncaring now the future looks grim.