Arranging contact for child

[isthataweed]

Ex has our daughter 10 times a month. He works shifts, gets about 3 months worth of rota at a time. Will send me the dates he wants her for those 3 months and then I will agree or suggest alternatives if daughter has something on those dates.

Have very minimal contact with ex as he was mildly controlling and still is. I also get a load of abuse if I don't agree to something.

Problem I'm having is that arranging contact dates is taking longer and longer due to clashes on the dates ex has suggested. I'll say daughter can't do those XXX, but she can do these XXX, then ex will come back and say he can't do those as he's at work (hope I'm making sense!).

I've suggested maybe he could share his rota with me so that this isn't a long and painful process each time but he's said that his rota is none of my business.

AIBU? Does anyone else have a suggestion on how this could be sorted?

He gets his new rota 4-6 weeks before hand but will only send me the dates the week before it starts.

His obstructive behaviour is intentional, you will waste hours of your life trying to accommodate him. No matter what solution you offer he will reject it so simply stop accepting the job of sorting it all out. I know you want to facilitate a relationship between your child and their father but you are not the one making that difficult. He's an arse.

I would however understand the ex not wanting OP to know his work schedule if OP is/was abusive in any way at all. I wouldn’t want to share my day to day routine with my ex due to his abusive behaviour.

Op states in her first post that the ex has a history of abusing her.

Do people even bother to read what an op writes?