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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would your kids do this?

32 replies

audersandbaby · 04/09/2021 16:03

Just wondering how weird this is.

DH is an attractive, “young”, secondary school teacher. He has Instagram which is private and just his name so not hard to find.

A few months ago he got a request from a girl, let’s call her Jane. Jane was also private but had her surname in her username. The surname was very distinct and DH realised that a pupil in his school (who he didn’t teach but would know of him) had the same surname, a bit of digging later and he realised Jane is Laura’s older sister who he has never taught and didn’t teach at the school when she was there.
The assumption was that Laura was trying to be nosey and used her sister’s account to increase chance of acceptance. DH reported it to school but as Jane had left he was told just to delete and move on.

A few weeks late, Dave sent him a request. Dave is a student of DH’s and close friends with Laura. School had broken up and Dave was technically no longer a pupil, so DH deleted and ignored.

A week later Dave tried again, DH ignored.

This time, Dave has tried AGAIN but removed his profile picture (but we recognise the username).

Is this normal? Why are they so desperate?

OP posts:
Miseryl · 04/09/2021 16:05

It isn't clear who Laura is or why she would use her sister's account. Sorry if I have misread the OP but I have read it a couple of times and couldn't figure it out.

pinkstripeycat · 04/09/2021 16:05

Coz kids are nosy. Stalking online is what they do. Yes it’s normal for some of them. All he can do is ignore them

FlorenceWintle · 04/09/2021 16:06

They’re just bored and messing around on phones and she probably has a bit of a crush on him. Your DH should continue to ignore, they’ll give up.

Original poster
audersandbaby · 04/09/2021 16:07

Sorry, Laura is Jane’s sister and at the time was a student in year 11 at DH’s school. Jane is older and had left the school but didn’t attend when DH was there, so would have no reason to know who he was otherwise! @Miseryl

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 04/09/2021 16:09

Totally normal. It's the sort of crap I would have done if they'd had Instagram back in the day! Kids are nosy and it's fun to snigger at the teachers or maybe they've got a crush on him. Both totally normal.

Report to the school and delete is the best course of action.

Farcry66 · 04/09/2021 16:10

That is what kids do! My lovely lovely year 12 class told me one night at a party they spent hours just searching for teachers on Facebook and Instagram. No particularly malicious reason, they just thought it was funny. Mind you, one of my girls also thought it was funny to keep a list of teachers mums first names!!! Odd bunch of kids but loved them dearly!

JustLyra · 04/09/2021 16:10

That’s why most teachers I know don’t use their actual names on social media.

lannistunut · 04/09/2021 16:10

My kids would not, I feel fairly confident, because they were never THAT into SM, of course they talked to friends.

However I think it is normal for some teenagers.

When we were at school one of our friends used to phone a teacher when he found their number in a phone book. Absolutely no idea why!

Your DH should perhaps get a more anonymous profile if possible, but definitely just reject anyone they do not know.

SylvanasWindrunner · 04/09/2021 16:10

Teachers nowadays are a lot more 'accessible' with social media than when we were at school, so I think it's just curiosity and perhaps Jane just has a crush on him and asked her sister to find out about him or something. When I was at school, a few girls would get crushes on teachers but there wasn't really any way to contact them outside of school, so it was just giggling in class about it and speculating on their home lives, but then you went home and that was that. But now you can indulge the fantasy/feed the crush a bit more!

I wouldn't worry if he's got it locked down - presumably he only adds people he knows anyway, so just treat them like random requests and ignore.

frogsbreath · 04/09/2021 16:12

It isn't just the kids who do this, I've known parents in ds's class to be all over social media and linked in looking for the class teachers. They want to investigate everything about the school staff's personal life or sometimes just be overly friendly and feel like they know the teacher best.

Sparklesocks · 04/09/2021 16:15

Could he change his Instagram username so it’s less easy to find? Eg John S or Johnny S rather than John Smith.

AramintaLee · 04/09/2021 16:16

I'm an adult and left school a long time ago but met up with an old school friend a few weeks ago and we were reminiscing about our school days... before long we were scrolling though LinkedIn and Facebook looking up our old teachers to see what they look like now and what they're up to (though I would never request to follow any of them) So I think it's completely normal and just a case of curiosity.

Original poster
audersandbaby · 04/09/2021 16:16

God it’s so weird! I suppose I find it weird that the older sister tried. All very odd. Especially as they are apparently very shy and timid in real life and studious. He has now blocked them so hopefully that keeps them at bay but I’m expecting another account to pop up soon.

I just would be so embarrassed if I was doing this! We used to look at teacher’s facebooks but never added them!

OP posts:
ufucoffee · 04/09/2021 16:18

They are trying to stalk him. He shouldn't have his real name on social media in his job.

Planty13 · 04/09/2021 16:18

Super, super normal and many kids don’t have that filter either so have no shame is sending friend requests. He needs to change his username to something not identifiable. Every teacher friend I know has had to do this.

BigThumb · 04/09/2021 16:20

I’d guess the shy and timid and studious ones are the ones who are more likely to crush on the teacher than the ones who aren’t. They’ll get all giggley and egg each other on to try and add the teacher they fancy.

Original poster
audersandbaby · 04/09/2021 16:20

His username isn’t just his name but he’s had it since before he was a teacher and I suppose is attached. He thinks being private is enough and he rarely ever accepts anyone so isn’t an issue, they can’t see anything and he has no other social media. Kids are also very good detectives!

OP posts:
AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 04/09/2021 16:21

How did Dave manage to try 3 times? Surely he was blocked after the 1st attempt, if not then your DH can't really complain

As someone else said why doesn't he use an anonymous name?

Original poster
audersandbaby · 04/09/2021 16:23

Dave kept changing his username by a number but same pic so was easily recognisable

OP posts:
VexedofVirginiaWater · 04/09/2021 16:31

Yeah they do it just for devilment. They used to say to me that it was OK because their sibling was over 18 but of course policy was that we added no family members at all of any children at the school, whether we taught them or not. In those days even parents would try to add you and would be offended when you didn't accept.

I actually came off FB until after I had stopped teaching secondary and I notice a lot of my younger colleagues disguise their names in some way.

In the olden days 80s when I started teaching, they used to look you up in the phone book and make nuisance calls - I went ex-directory within the first year of teaching.

Howareyouflower · 04/09/2021 16:35

The teachers I know change their names on social media so real friends realise but they won't come up in a search. (Imagine David Williams -Dafydd Wolliams, Peter Jones - Piotre Jonas. Laura Smith -Lora Smythe)

flumposie · 04/09/2021 16:38

This is why I use my first and middle name on social media instead of surname.

Original poster
audersandbaby · 04/09/2021 16:43

@flumposie they know his middle name and that’s how they found him. The timetable is initials for teachers and I suppose it wasn’t hard to guess what his middle initial stood for!

OP posts:
GingerAndTheBiscuits · 04/09/2021 16:44

I left teaching 15 years ago and last year an ex pupil sent me a friend request (I declined). Considering I have a different surname now it must have taken some doing to find me! Kids (and apparently some adults!) can be odd.

flumposie · 04/09/2021 17:10

@audersandbaby ah that's unfortunate. Our timetable just has initial and surname.

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