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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did I do the right thing in this situation

43 replies

dumdumdumkite · 03/09/2021 22:06

Warning this is potentially a triggering subject, I've name changed for this post.

Today I went in to town and I was walking on a busy street and this lady approached me asking me if I had got any spare change as she had escaped her abusive fiancée and if she went back to him he would force her to give him oral sex and she needed money to get away from him. I then gave her a few pounds worth of change out of my purse as I felt concerned for her and her safety and wellbeing. I spoke to my Mum about this later on the phone and she said she could have been a scam artist? Did I do the right thing?

OP posts:

Eralos · 04/09/2021 07:19

It was a couple of quid. Hardly Ponzi scheme worthy. Even if it was a scam it may not have been so yes you did the right thing. Stop overthinking.

LukeEvansWife · 04/09/2021 07:37

We have people who do this all the time in our town - the excuses vary between not having enough for a train to go to hospital, needing to escape something and various other bullshit. It’s the same people all the time.

It’s up to you if you give, of course, but if you do so, be aware that it is very unlikely to be genuine

LukeEvansWife · 04/09/2021 07:39

Although I know the MN thinking tends towards giving people money, turning a blind eye towards shoplifting etc, which I don’t think is reflected in the real world (thankfully)

LukeEvansWife · 04/09/2021 07:43

Oh and the more people give in, the more likely they are to continue doing this, and the rest of us can look forward to being harassed

Standrewsschool · 04/09/2021 07:54

More than likely a scam, but don’t feel bad about it, you were well meaning in your intent.

Unfortunately though, these scammers means that if you are confronted with a genuine need, you will think twice about it next time.

Nomorefuckstogive · 04/09/2021 07:57

You were kind and believed her, so tried to help. Probably a scam, but I’d have done the same in your shoes.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 04/09/2021 08:03

You did a kind thing. I don't think it matters if it was 100% true or not. You gave money to someone who needed it more than you. Nothing to feel bad about here

VladmirsPoutine · 04/09/2021 08:08

Does it matter? You gave her a few pounds. It's not as though you fell in love with a man online who persuaded you to part with your life savings in order to 'help' him.

Kuachui · 04/09/2021 08:24

A scam

hardboiledeggs · 04/09/2021 08:26

Likely a scam but you'll never know. Honestly I'd have done the same, it's only a couple of pounds.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/09/2021 08:30

She was certainly using a false story to get some money from you. However she clearly was in need of money, though probably for drugs rather than anything else. I don't mind giving money to women begging sometimes even if they do just need it for smack. Being a homeless woman is an awful existence.

MumofSpud · 04/09/2021 08:33

A scam!
I got caught out once - a man in a Tesco car park - he got out of a 'nice' car and had some story about collecting SC from football and running out of petrol.
His story, IMO, was completely believable and I gave him £5.
A few months later I found out that he did this regularly and I even saw him do it to someone else (using the same story!)
I was embarrassed that I had fallen for it!
Near where I live there is a woman who needs money for a bus fare as she is 5 months pregnant and her DM has kicked her out- she has been 5 months pregnant for over 3 years

pilates · 04/09/2021 08:33

Yes a scam. Your money probably went towards drink/drugs.

itsgettingwierd · 04/09/2021 08:42

Yes she was probably lying.

But the truth is whatever the reason these people need money they are usually in some kind of desperate situation.

A few pounds you can spare will have made a difference.

Even if it is drugs habit the thing that leads some people to take drugs can be horrific and they are in that situation because life has been challenging.

MissyMooKins · 04/09/2021 08:54

Possible scam. We have a lady here in Oxford who stalks around town at the weekends with this story. She's on drugs.

MissyMooKins · 04/09/2021 08:55

We also have a well dressed man doing the rounds who has run out of petrol and needs money.

seaandsandcastles · 04/09/2021 08:56

You were scammed. You shouldn’t be giving money to randomers on the street with any old sob story.

Annoyedanddissapointed · 04/09/2021 09:08

I don't think it's kind helping the person not to hit the bottom they need to go and want to seek help.
There was a woman whose son was begging for drugo ey and she explained that while people thought they were being kid, they actually kept him just above ghat rock bottom he needed to hit. When he had money for drugs, he just didn't reach the stage he needed to get help.
It really made me think. I refuse to give money. It will either go to an organisor (yes, there are beggars doing shifts, organised by someone) or it goes on drugs. I don't wnat to be part of either. I don't believe it's "kind" to help someone slowly kill themselves with whatever chemical they are addicted to, because I feel sorry for them due to living situation... I donate to local charities who do good work helping homeless and have good outreach.

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