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Original poster

Did I do the right thing in this situation

43 replies

dumdumdumkite · 03/09/2021 22:06

Warning this is potentially a triggering subject, I've name changed for this post.

Today I went in to town and I was walking on a busy street and this lady approached me asking me if I had got any spare change as she had escaped her abusive fiancée and if she went back to him he would force her to give him oral sex and she needed money to get away from him. I then gave her a few pounds worth of change out of my purse as I felt concerned for her and her safety and wellbeing. I spoke to my Mum about this later on the phone and she said she could have been a scam artist? Did I do the right thing?

OP posts:
NotAnotherBloodyNameChange · 03/09/2021 22:09

It was a few pounds not £20 or £200. You did a good, kindhearted thing.
It’s quite possible she gets a few pounds from dozens of kind hearted people every day of the week & it is her scam BUT could you sleep easy at night if you had shrugged her off and not given her a couple of quid in case it was genuine?

PlanDeRaccordement · 03/09/2021 22:11

It was most probably a scam. But it’s up to you if you did right thing or not. I give money to beggars too, because I know even if 9 in 10 are scams, I still want to help that 1 in 10 who is honest and needed a bit of help. There is no way to know for sure if scam or honest. Not giving any money means the honest one loses out.

I’d never give a lot of money, but a few € here and there doesn’t do any harm and might help.

SquirryTheSquirrel · 03/09/2021 22:12

You did a kind thing. She might have been a scam artist, but you'll never know.

Shelddd · 03/09/2021 22:13

Define scam? I wouldn't call storytelling when asking for change a scam.

She was definitely lying though, 99.99% of people who ask for money on the street are asking for money to buy drugs. It's just how it is.

I wouldn't feel bad about it though, if they don't get that money from begging they will get it from stealing and occasionally that theft will become violent, so you possibly have saved someone from getting victimized. I think that's a nice way of thinking about it.

Sattherelikealemon · 03/09/2021 22:16

Obv she could have been genuine but I've come across women with a very similar story countless times asking for money in london, often seeing the same one more than once. One was near my house and tried it several times. I think it's quite a commonly themed story to use when begging but you did a kind thing, it wasn't your life savings, no harm done and if it was real, then you have helped someone.

ThirstyMeeples · 03/09/2021 22:17

Whether her story is true or not, she's obviously in a crap position as no-one in a good place would make up a story like that. So yes-you did a good thing regardless of how true her story is x

Elouera · 03/09/2021 22:23

I've heard this and similar stories countless times. I've offered sealed food before which people have refused! I also pointed out a womens refuge nearby- they soon moved on and refused to go or take the details! Sorry, she is clearly in a bad situation, but its 99% a scam!

I prefer to donate to a actual shelter/refuge.

Annoyedanddissapointed · 03/09/2021 22:25

It's a scam. Exactly like " my ma is in a hospital and I just need a bus faur"

Oinkypig · 03/09/2021 22:25

Most likely her way of begging but I think either it was true and you helped or she is so desperate for drugs/alcohol she was willing to go up to a complete stranger and give that story. You would not want to be in either of those situations.

I know the advice is not to give money to beggars but I lived in a city with a real drug/hippyish type vibe and I did on occasion give give beggars money. How desperate would you have to be to sit in the pouring rain to scam people.

I also had to pass a big issue seller who I got to know and he was a very young care leaver and I always bought the big issue and then gave him money in between. He was sometimes under the influence, one evening is was freezing, I mean really cold and I thought I can’t in good conscience let him sleep rough so I asked if he had somewhere to stay or I would either book a hotel/b and b or give him money to do so, whichever would be best so he could have taken the money and he said no I do have a friends sofa tonight. He could’ve had a £ off me and he didn’t.

So TLDR I think if you can afford to give a few pounds to someone it might help

LoveFall · 03/09/2021 22:27

It sounds much like the scam I fell for at Heathrow. I was sitting on a bench waiting for DH and a woman sat beside me apparently talking on the phone.

She was telling a sob story about being stuck there and short of money to get the train home. On and on.

I gave her 20 pounds like an idiot. When she walked away I immediately just knew it was a scam.

You did a nice thing OP because you have a generous heart. I think I suffer from the same thing.
💐💐💐

Durbeyfield · 03/09/2021 22:31

I’ve got to get back to Liverpool tonight and don’t have money for the train

MolkosTeenageAngst · 03/09/2021 22:31

Obviously you can never know for sure but unfortunately I think it probably was a lie, it’s quite common in my experience for addicts to use a story which elicits sympathy to try and get money when begging. I used to live in an area with a lot of rough sleepers and this type of begging was not unusual and you would regularly see the same people trying the same story on different days.

The most common one I’ve experienced has been the person claiming they have been mugged/ robbed and lost their wallet and need money to get a bus/ train home or another variation is having the car break down and not having enough for petrol. Sometimes it’s needing money for an overnight hostel (I used to believe this one until on two separate occasions I gave money only to see the recipient exit an off-license with alcohol 5 minutes later). On one occasion the person told me they were diabetic and needed money to buy a snack as their sugar was low, I was about to embark on a long train journey and had a full packed lunch on me so I offered food instead but they literally claimed an allergy to everything I offered and only my money would do.

That said it is kind to be kind and even though I know 99% of the time these stories aren’t true occasionally i will be taken in enough to still give something and there is a chance you have helped a woman genuinely in need so as long as it was money you could afford to part with I don’t think you’ve done the wrong thing as such.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 03/09/2021 22:34

I gave a tenner to a guy on the street in Manchester one Christmas. He was dragging himself along the floor as if he couldn’t use his legs.

Saw him running up the steps the next day.

🤷‍♀️

EmeraldRaine · 03/09/2021 23:36

She was probably lying, but you did a nice thing.

WTF475878237NC · 03/09/2021 23:38

What happy, loved and psychologically well person would make this up? No one. So you did a nice thing regardless.

Kanaloa · 03/09/2021 23:53

I would think she was lying. I usually would say would you like me to get you a train ticket/taxi to nearest refuge/bus pass? I’m normally refused.

There was a man near gregg’s recently when I was taking my kids inside begging for some money for a cup of tea - I offered to pick him up a drink and anything to eat and he refused quite sulkily.

XenoBitch · 03/09/2021 23:54

I would assume she is lying, especially if she can stand there and tell you her story.
There are clearly other issues regarding why she is begging to start with anyway.

therocinante · 04/09/2021 00:07

I always think, if I've got a few quid to spare, I don't really care if it's a scam - I'd rather be scammed and lose a few pounds than walk past someone who might genuinely need the help.

And I know the scammers rely on that (there's a bloke in my local town who leaves his nice flat to go and sit in town all day with his dog and everyone goes, awwww here's a fiver), but in my head - I'd rather be too soft than cold hearted.

WheelieBinPrincess · 04/09/2021 01:30

Scam. There’s a lady on our street, we’ll dressed and spoken, who every day accosts people for the money to get the train to see her dying father, and she’s locked herself out of her house so can’t get to her bankcards or car keys.

Jerryandtom · 04/09/2021 01:39

Was probably a scammer but I still think you didn't do a bad thing. I always give money to homeless women, even if it's very obvious that they're going to spend it on alcohol or drugs. I've worked with women in prostitution in the past, almost all of them were alcoholics or drug addicts. They're going to find the money for their addiction one way or another so I would rather give them the money that they use to buy drink or drugs than they sell their bodies to be abused by men for it.

WeirdArchitecture · 04/09/2021 02:08

Ive been approached by young children in town recently, boys around the age of 8-10. God knows what they're up to or why they're unsupervised but they usually have a dramatic story to tell and are most often giggling so im presuming just cheekiness.
it seems to be branching out Grin

TreeSmuggler · 04/09/2021 02:08

To me a scam is where you end up with money stolen or don't get something you paid for, so I wouldnt call it a scam, but yes she is clearly lying.

Enough4me · 04/09/2021 02:14

Isn't this a scam ... OP was scammed, she was lied to in a way that influenced her behaviour to pay a con artist?

takehomepay · 04/09/2021 07:05

I think it was a scam.

I was about to ask a young ‘homeless’ man if he wanted something to eat from the burger restaurant, but then he got up and has pristine Nikes on and went to the bike stand and unlocked his bike and went off for a ride.

AgentProvocateur · 04/09/2021 07:13

There’s no “right thing” or wrong thing to do. Unless you never go into towns or cities, you must know that the chances are that anyone approaching you and giving a sob story and asking for money will use it for drugs/drink. They’re pretty desperate people, and if you’ve got a few quid to spare… 🤷‍♀️

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