Wedding Guest Plus 1?

[Everanewbie]

I am due to get married at the end of October. My fiance has a lot of friends through his hobby, but is closest with 4 in particular. 3 of which we see as couples who we've invited, and the 4th not so much, but we invited his partner so he didn't feel left out.

We have space and budget for another 10-12 evening guests. Having groups of friends rather than a hierarchy, (another 7 becomes 12, 12 becomes 20 etc!) my fiance and i agreed that we'd invite another 5-6 friends each without partners, otherwise 5-6 becomes 2-3 each.

So my fiance sends invites to several friends, including the father of a groomsman who he participates in the hobby with, independent of the son (wide age ranges at this hobby, don't ask!). He initially accepting the invitation saying him and his wife would be glad to go. After we discussed it between ourselves, we agreed to accept both and say no more of it, especially given that my fiance knew the guests wife/groomsmans mother growing up.

Later, the guest realises it was only an invite for him, not him +1, and has shouted at him over the phone, apoplectic that his wife wasn't initially invited, despite us accepting her, and blanked my fiance since.

Question is, AIBU? Is an invite for an evening for the friends only, without the wife a faux pas, or acceptable? Are we rude, or is this guy batshit crazy?

Its really getting my fiance down as he thought a lot of this guy and is worried about his relationship with the son.

@TheWitchersWife

Obviously he was rude for shouting at your DF over the phone. I don't think anyone would disagree with you. But yes, I do think the wife should have been invited at the same time as her husband. Your DF has known her since childhood, she's not some random hes never met. I know its a bit of a coincidence that your DF knows the son and father separately, one from childhood and one from the hobby, but once the plan was to invite them both then the wife should have been invited. But we're all different and it's up to you, it's your wedding

I agree with this and April and others. It looks like a snub to be honest not inviting the wife. Whilst the man may not have handled it eloquently I can see why he would have been upset about it.

I personally would always expect a +1 invite to a wedding or reception.

As for only inviting 10/12 people extra at night that’s a bit crap, fair enough if you only invited a handful for the day and a big party at night but for only a few to miss out during the day isnt great.

My DH was the only ‘friend’ out of a huge crowd to be invited to an evening reception when everyone else had been invited to the full event, it left DH feeling crap,,, though we knew it was down to the fact that the groom (my husbands so called friend) doesn’t like me! 😂😂😂 he feels I stole dh from him 😂😂😂still holding that thought 20years down the line.

Well clearly leaving one friend of a big group out of day invite and making evening only is a snub.

But not "all the lads from hobby x" who probably care not a jot about attending the whole lot and are happy to be invited to a night out.

I'm old (old fashioned!!) and I must admit that I do find the custom of not inviting spouses or established partners a bit odd. However I wouldn't just assume my spouse/partner was invited, nor would I create a fuss about it if they were not. It might affect my decision - because it would depend on who else I knew was going.

He was extremely unreasonable to shout at your partner on the phone. However, if a couple has been married as long as them, and the son and husband is invited I would automatically invite the wife along too, especially if your husband has grown up with them. It's strange that she wasn't invited.

I'd get partner to tell the dad that he upset him by being shouted at over the phone at it was an innocent mistake and of course his wife is invited. Seems the best solution to resolve all problems?

He's batshit crazy but i also think you messed up.