Please tell me I'm wrong (might be triggering, sorry,don't read if feeling sensitive)

[RainAndGreyClouds]

My mum is in hospital. I saw her this evening. She's a bit worse but otherwise much the same as she has been. Don't want to give details in case outing.

On the way home from the hsopital I had an overwhelming feeling she will die tonight. I can't stop crying. I'm not ready for her to go. I've been googling to see if you can sense these things and freaked myself out. I don't think I'll sleep tonight. I'm in a state of panic.

Please please tell me I'm being silly and I've got it wrong. I don't know what to do. The nurses all seemed unbothered. Nothing is different. No one has said anything is imminent. Can't shake this feeling though :(

Sorry, please don't vote. I didn't see the vote thing was on

I didn't want to read and run but hoping some wise MNers will be along with advice.

I've often had dreadful thoughts on bad things happening and they haven't occurred

Sending love OP

Thank you ljc

I’m not going to tell you you’re silly but I am sending you a hug

I have said yanbu but not because I believe she will die, but rather I just don’t want you to feel Bad for how you feel. Just be kind to yourself. What will Be will be
Xx

Ah I am sorry about your mum and how you are feeling. It’s natural to be really anxious and anxiety is very convincing. You could give them a call on the ward before bed to reassure yourself?

Be kind to yourself OP. Try and think positive thoughts instead if possible.

Can you ask to talk to her on the phone OP?

I think it’s normal to worry especially with an elderly /sick parent, you have no control over what may or may not happen. Can you ring the hospital for an update? Does your mum text?
I hope she’s better soon. If it’s any consolation I constantly worry about my mum passing too. It’s a horrible feeling and can consume me at times. Do you have anyone at home you can speak to? I hope you manage to get some sleep.

I think you are letting your worries that she will die make you think she is going to. I have had feelings like that before and they came to nothing.

I know it is impossible but try your best to not worry

I understand your anxiety. I know i'm going to sound a bit whacky now but why not counteract any of the thoughts you've had with a positive meditation and think of some healing vibes to send her. Imagine her comfortable and peaceful, get yourself comfortable with some calming music on, take some deep breaths and think some positive thoughts. It might help you relax and if you think she can sense things then it will counteract any of the thoughts you have had you think she may be able to sense. Worth a try? Can't do any harm and might help you in the process. I hope your mum will be okay

Anxiety causes you to think of the absolute worst case scenario, it's awful. When I feel like this, absolutely nothing will change my mind until the anxiety passes. I currently have a large surgical wound and I cannot get the thought out if my head that it will open up and my bowels will fall out. Anxiety is a bastard. There's no way you can predict this but anxiety messes with your mind. Try to do some relaxation exercises, ring the hospital for updates to put your mind at ease, do some self care and see how you go. Im so sorry your mum is ill, hope she gets better soon.

It’s so disconcerting when this happens so I really feel for you. As a nurse myself, I would much prefer a relative phone to check any time of night or day than lose sleep over it. I wouldn’t worry too much about outing yourself over what is wrong as the amount of women in hospital for any particular problem is huge to the point where I wouldn’t even recognise one of my own patients by diagnosis.
Please do give the ward a call to put your mind at rest

I’m sorry this is happening to you!

I have general anxiety disorder and a lot of it has to do with health, particularly with my parents health.
I have lost the count how many times i thought something has/will happen to them, and you know what, they’re alive still.

I hope everything goes well.

I tried to call the ward on both their numbers but the phone goes dead. I've just had a text from my mum though, to tell me she loves me. I'm a mess :(

Ah that’s so hard. My heart goes out to you. Ring the ward in half an hour and tell them you’re very emotional this evening and would like some reassurance. Keep the texting up with your mum until she needs to sleep. It’s a very difficult time. Don’t be hard on yourself xx

It's anxiety talking. It's a horrible feeling walking away from hospital, leaving a loved one there. They seem so vulnerable and so are you. I really hope you get some rest tonight. I'm sure everything will feel a bit better in the morning.

Oh OP, I’m so sorry. You must be beside yourself. Please try and ring again. Sending love ❤️

If it is not ringing at all is there a main hospital switchboard you can call? They’ll be doing the 10 o’clock drug round and getting people settled and comfy for the night so try again a bit later if it’s just ringing out. She’s in the best place and they’ll take care of her.
Lovely that she has text you. You sound like a caring daughter. I wish all my patients had someone like you.

Intrusive thoughts are awful and really anxiety inducing. I know how you feel as I'm in a similar position with my Dad right now. Just try and remind yourself of the facts ans rationalise your thoughts in your head. Easier said than done I know.

Try and get some sleep as I'm sure your Mum will be doing the same

My elderly father has had a few medical problems for pretty much a year now he's in his early eighties, and the truth is he won't be with us forever. If it's any consolation, I regularly get a sense when I say goodbye that it could be the last time. That's a rational reaction for someone who has a significant illness. But I've always been wrong!

This is catastrophe thinking and it’s your brains way of keeping you safe: playing out worst case scenarios. Intrusive catastrophe thinking is horrible and is a manifestation of anxiety. There’s nothing real about your actual fear but the fear is real - if that makes sense x Keep texting her and calling the ward

When a loved one is in hospital I think it would be normal to feel this way, been there myself with both parents so know what you are going through, sending hugs, hope your Mum is OK X

It’s really an anxious time with your mum in hospital, sending you big hugs and hope that you will better in the morning x

This has made me cry, my mum died three years ago. She was unwell for a few months up to that point and I had that same overwhelming feeling that she was going to die a handful of times during those months - I was wrong each time. I hope your feeling is wrong tonight and that your mum makes a good recovery.