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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you work with the bosses wife - small company ?

66 replies

JaneKing75 · 02/09/2021 07:55

Offered a new job, loved the look of it, good money opportunities etc. Was told there's someone doing the role 3 days a week at the moment but they aren't expecting much from her, gave the impression she'd be gone by the time i got there.

Literally the week before I start it transpires she's married to one of the two directors. I'd be expected to train her to do my job basically.

OP posts:
Makhiaman · 02/09/2021 08:03

Nope. I worked with the bosses daughter once, she was utterly useless but refused to listen to me as she was ‘basically your boss’ made my life hell.

MrsFin · 02/09/2021 08:28

No. Absolutely not.

VladmirsPoutine · 02/09/2021 08:34

I wouldn't like this for all manner of reasons - even if she is a reasonable woman the fact is she's the director's wife therefore you'll never be 'equal' employees. All that said, do you have options? It's easy to say not to take the job but if your circumstances don't allow it then you're going to have to at least in the meantime.

PyjamaFan · 02/09/2021 08:36

I taught at a school where the headteacher's wife also taught. She would report back everything she heard to him.

I wouldn't work in that environment again.

MaMelon · 02/09/2021 08:37

Nope, I wouldn’t.

UsernameNotAvailableApparently · 02/09/2021 08:38

I’ve been in this situation and it was awful. It was clear they just wanted her on payroll somewhere and she did NOT want to do the job. I picked up all the slack and was constantly blamed for her mistakes.

When I eventually left I kept in contact with some of the staff there and they told me that no one was lasting more than 3-6 months in my position but still kept the wife in her position for another 5 years! Utter madness.

Hekatestorch · 02/09/2021 08:40

No. But not just because she is a directors wife.

She is already doing the role, they don't expect much from her. They gave the impression she was leaving......but you will have to train her?

The work I do has worked with this sort of set up, alot, before. And where one person in the couple doesn't have a defined role or doesn't know what they are doing but been allowed to just do it anyway there's always problems.

Ileflottante · 02/09/2021 08:41

I’d swerve that entire place based solely on the fact that the wife is casually doing the job. That to me, is a big red flag about the company as a whole.

I’m speaking from experience. I was employed at a male dominated company where the bolshy director’s wife was given a hugely senior position with absolutely no knowledge let alone experience to speak of. It was an absolute car crash and we were all blamed for her screaming and utterly laughable incompetence. She just wanted to play jobs, dress in lovely expensive ‘office wear’ and take home a six figure salary. Awful.

Hekatestorch · 02/09/2021 08:42

@UsernameNotAvailableApparently

I’ve been in this situation and it was awful. It was clear they just wanted her on payroll somewhere and she did NOT want to do the job. I picked up all the slack and was constantly blamed for her mistakes.

When I eventually left I kept in contact with some of the staff there and they told me that no one was lasting more than 3-6 months in my position but still kept the wife in her position for another 5 years! Utter madness.

This is often true.

But also, you find that as the person married to the director, they also expect to be the one making decisions, changes, improvements etc.

And I have seen it withe sex of the people reversed and it still happens.

DarlingFell · 02/09/2021 08:43

God no!

DrManhattan · 02/09/2021 08:45

Not a chance. Having worked for a small family business in the past I would not want to do that again. Totally nuts.

Original poster
JaneKing75 · 02/09/2021 08:46

I do have options thank god, I hadn't actually resigned from the current role and another company have just sent me through a contract. It was to be a stepping stone into a field I fancied but I don't think it's going to work out. My spidey senses were tingling but wasn't sure if i was over thinking it.

OP posts:
Sssloou · 02/09/2021 08:49

@JaneKing75

Offered a new job, loved the look of it, good money opportunities etc. Was told there's someone doing the role 3 days a week at the moment but they aren't expecting much from her, gave the impression she'd be gone by the time i got there. Literally the week before I start it transpires she's married to one of the two directors. I'd be expected to train her to do my job basically.
They have let the cat out of the bag - listen to them. It sounds v problematic.

Do you know who did the job before you? How long they were there? Why they left? Could you make contact for an off the record conversation?

billy1966 · 02/09/2021 08:49

Likely you will be used and treated poorly without any comeback.

Not a chance would I take it for the very good examples above.

billy1966 · 02/09/2021 08:50

They sound very dishonest in their description of the situation.

girlmom21 · 02/09/2021 08:50

I would avoid this like the plague. You'll train her, there'll be a promotion available, she'll get it (justified by her having more experience in the business!) then her new role will be 'too much for one person' and she'll start delegating her work, which will basically mean you'll be doing her new job for her while she reaps the rewards. I can see it already.

Enko · 02/09/2021 08:53

Yes worked in a similar set up and she was lovely kind and not once did it feel like ahe was telling on you. We stayed in touch for a few years after I left but lost contact

fizzybootlace · 02/09/2021 08:54

No I wouldn't do it. But at least you know about her, I was made redundant and replaced by the boss's wife when she decided she wanted a job but couldn't get one anywhere else, so was given mine!! Good luck with the other role, think you've dodged a bullet there.

putthetubeinthebin · 02/09/2021 08:56

I think it depends. Did she work there and then get with him... or was she put in the role because she's his wife?

That will make all the difference because if the former then she will probably be qualified and suitable for the role, if the latter then no way.

Original poster
JaneKing75 · 02/09/2021 08:59

@putthetubeinthebin

I think it depends. Did she work there and then get with him... or was she put in the role because she's his wife?

That will make all the difference because if the former then she will probably be qualified and suitable for the role, if the latter then no way.

Oh god no, she's been on maternity leave for 9 years, wants a job but not a job kinda thing. This is my concern, she'll do the school run, swan in, if the kids are sick she'll be off, school holidays she'll be off. Well what about my children, do the rules apply to me too. Doubt it.
OP posts:
Rangoon · 02/09/2021 08:59

I'd think they were wanting you to train her to do the job properly and then they'd get rid of you. I wouldn't touch this job.

splodgemaster · 02/09/2021 09:01

I had this. I didn't know she was the bosses wife until I'd already confused her. The wife is nice enough but totally incapable of her job which is linked to mine.
Anyone other colleague and I would directly challenge all the millions of mistakes made by the wife that make my job hell but because it's his wife I don't I just go through and correct them all making my job rather tedious and tbh would just be easier if she just went off and did nothing.
So no I would not repeat this.

Lorw · 02/09/2021 09:03

I don’t know why anyone would want to work with their SO like that to be honest, had this where I worked and nobody spoke to his wife because they knew anything they said would get back to him, so she never had any friends at the company and was pretty lonely, sad really 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lanique · 02/09/2021 09:05

Gosh I'd steer clear OP. I worked for a family business once and I'd never do it again. You know that they get together out of work and you never know what they might be saying about you, which sounds really paranoid but due to the lack of professional boundaries and grievance procedures it just feels unnerving knowing that they could all be discussing you over a drunken Sunday lunch. Plus you know that they are as thick as thieves, their loyalties will always be to one another, and they will close ranks when anyone from outside the inner sanctum has a grievance one of them. That doesn't happen so much in 'normal' workplaces where the mindset isn't anything like as entwined personally or emotionally.

Lanique · 02/09/2021 09:07

Plus I found that the young family members of my age were fast tracked to board level and anyone from outside the family that was on the board didn't survive for long. I noticed that they were almost a bit territorial; that anyone who came in to 'their' business with grand ideas and ambition was squashed PDQ and put in their place.