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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you work with the bosses wife - small company ?

66 replies

JaneKing75 · 02/09/2021 07:55

Offered a new job, loved the look of it, good money opportunities etc. Was told there's someone doing the role 3 days a week at the moment but they aren't expecting much from her, gave the impression she'd be gone by the time i got there.

Literally the week before I start it transpires she's married to one of the two directors. I'd be expected to train her to do my job basically.

OP posts:
Alonelonelyloner · 02/09/2021 09:08

I work (and live) with a director and no one knows so clearly I don't treat my coworkers any differently. I absolutely do not break confidences and my work life is exactly that. It is called being professional. It very much depends on the people.

Original poster
JaneKing75 · 02/09/2021 09:10

@Alonelonelyloner

I work (and live) with a director and no one knows so clearly I don't treat my coworkers any differently. I absolutely do not break confidences and my work life is exactly that. It is called being professional. It very much depends on the people.
I've done that too in PWC where we'd have been shot at dawn for being in a relationship. I fear this might be different though on the basis it's common knowledge.
OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 02/09/2021 09:22

many years ago I worked for a privately owned company - owner gave cash to girlfriend on a regular basis, and expected me to use her for a monthly task (envelope stuffing, but it was invoices, so I did want them to get sent ASAP). She was lovely, really pleasant woman, but would turn up mid afternoon and often fall asleep.
I suggested he pay her a salary for tax planning reasons - then asked if she could not "help" with monthly invoicing.

I'd avoid - sound like it could be a bit of a nightmare.

Bluntness100 · 02/09/2021 09:25

So basically you both do the same job but she’s part time? And you’re pissed she’d be partly looking after her kids because you want to as well?

VladmirsPoutine · 02/09/2021 09:33

So basically you both do the same job but she’s part time? And you’re pissed she’d be partly looking after her kids because you want to as well?

This is such a bizarre interpretation of the OP's posts it must have taken quite some effort to arrive at such a summation.

poorbuthappy · 02/09/2021 09:36

No. No. No.
3 times i've ended up in this situation - the last time by actual deception by the company at the interview because I'd actually learnt my lesson from the other two times.
It's horrific.
No.

FizzyDibdab · 02/09/2021 09:38

Keep looking for another job, taking this one will not end well for you.

JacquelineCarlyle · 02/09/2021 09:57

I agree with everyone else - I'd avoid as these situations rarely end well for the non-family member.

billy1966 · 02/09/2021 10:06

@Alonelonelyloner

I work (and live) with a director and no one knows so clearly I don't treat my coworkers any differently. I absolutely do not break confidences and my work life is exactly that. It is called being professional. It very much depends on the people.
Kindly, I do not think this is the same as a married woman returning to work after years and being described in the way she was.

Did you start the job after years of a break from work?
Or, did you get together AFTER having worked there and are simply keeping your private life, private?

Vastly different if this IS the case.

I think the OP could well be used to train, support and compensate for the woman returning to work.

It would be very annoying to be doing this yet having her childcare needs dictating her availability.

Better well out of it.
Who needs the added complication of navigating the politics of it?

user1497207191 · 02/09/2021 10:15

Not a chance in hell. I've had a few jobs in firms where family members have been employed, and they're a nightmare. It's not just the "swanning in and out as they feel like it", there's also the family dynamics/arguments/disputes that inevitably you get caught up in the middle of.

Family members are almost always put in positions that they're not suitable for, not experienced in, not trained for, yet because they're married/related to "the boss", they think they've the right to run the place.

Karatema · 02/09/2021 10:17

I am the boss's wife. I hope our staff don't think I'm useless! I know they trust me because they will come to me to sound out ideas, problems etc and will ask me not to tell my husband, which I respect. I have, on numerous occasions, encouraged them to speak up for themselves and a lot of our work systems have changed due to excellent ideas from staff.

However, if I had to change jobs I would think twice about working for a couple. It's very difficult for the staff when we've had a disagreement!

And, yes, I do take days off when I like but put our holiday plans on hold until all the staff have had theirs or we know when they're going.

znaika · 02/09/2021 10:20

Run for the hills. No decent woman with integrity would accept such a role.

Original poster
JaneKing75 · 02/09/2021 10:22

@Karatema did you build the business together and have been there from day one ?
I guess my concern is that she'll play at doing my job, where as I'm actually financially dependent on the role and as a single parent i'm already constantly a bag of nerves incase something goes wrong. The way she was described I honestly thought she was a temp they didn't want to keep - and that was from the other director !

OP posts:
TheGirlInTheGreenDress · 02/09/2021 10:23

If I had other options it would be a hard no from me. I’m sure there are places where it works, but they are in the minority.

Roselilly36 · 02/09/2021 10:35

Perhaps there is a valid reason why the director can’t work full time in the role? Health? Or business is growing & requires more staff etc. Entirely your choice whether you think the role will suit you though.

Some odd opinions on here, regarding family run businesses, we own a business, our staff are treated with the utmost respect, we are flexible with appts, childcare etc. Many of our staff including myself have disabilities. We wouldn’t dream of discussing them personally at dinner or any other time and family members are never treated more favourably than staff, as we are all employed by the business.

user1497207191 · 02/09/2021 10:49

@Roselilly36

Perhaps there is a valid reason why the director can’t work full time in the role? Health? Or business is growing & requires more staff etc. Entirely your choice whether you think the role will suit you though.

Some odd opinions on here, regarding family run businesses, we own a business, our staff are treated with the utmost respect, we are flexible with appts, childcare etc. Many of our staff including myself have disabilities. We wouldn’t dream of discussing them personally at dinner or any other time and family members are never treated more favourably than staff, as we are all employed by the business.

They're not "opinions", they're experiences. Just because you manage to run your business professionally, doesn't mean that all other businesses are too!
billy1966 · 02/09/2021 11:04

Nothing "odd" about the posts here.
They are NOT opinions.

They are solid experiences from multiple people.

OP, you are a single parent, don't risk the headache of it.

The other directors implied opinion that she is a temp they want rid of means gossip could be that the nepotism of the situation has been duly noted.

There is politics going on that you really don't want to have to deal with and manage.Flowers

QueenBee52 · 02/09/2021 11:09

Ooft it's a hard No from me 😬

Kjr33 · 02/09/2021 11:12

No! I’ve done it before and it was awful, turned down another good job opportunity years later because I was so worried about a repeat!

SedentaryCat · 02/09/2021 11:16

@Rangoon

I'd think they were wanting you to train her to do the job properly and then they'd get rid of you. I wouldn't touch this job.
This was my feeling. I'd keep looking OP.

Plus, unless the organisation is highly professional, she will get preferential treatment re: time off for children, etc, and no doubt you'll be expected to provide cover.

Carboncheque · 02/09/2021 11:21

Run far and fast. That has clusterfuck written all over it.

Sssloou · 02/09/2021 11:24

[quote JaneKing75]@Karatema did you build the business together and have been there from day one ?
I guess my concern is that she'll play at doing my job, where as I'm actually financially dependent on the role and as a single parent i'm already constantly a bag of nerves incase something goes wrong. The way she was described I honestly thought she was a temp they didn't want to keep - and that was from the other director ![/quote]
Your last line has resonated with me. It became apparent to me I one job that I was to be the person taken on to be pitted against the inept employee that they didn’t have the guts to deal with directly before.

I felt totally manipulated and used to do their dirty work as they didn’t want to get their hands dirty. I resigned.

I wonder if your abilities will be used to shine a light on her?

Excelthetube · 02/09/2021 11:34

100% do not touch with a fucking barge pole

And I would be inclined to tell them why I’m not accepting in a nice way. Because they need to know, and no fucker on the inside is going to bring it up.

Original poster
JaneKing75 · 02/09/2021 12:15

I've gone with the other one, contract signed and sealed !
Thank you all, much appreciated

OP posts:
Penners99 · 02/09/2021 12:17

Not a chance in hell would I put myself in this situation