To be pissed off that the children’s centres where I live still aren’t open?!

[AngeloMysterioso]

My son is 22 months old (so was 4 months at the start of lockdown). Has barely been seen by any kind of medical professional since then except when he’s had his jabs- Doctors appointments are telephone calls, health visitor checks are telephone calls, and the only baby groups that have restarted where I live are the kind that are £7.50 for the pleasure of spending 45 minutes trying to keep your toddler on a yoga mat. Support for new mums pretty much vanished overnight and nobody seems to be in any hurry to bring it back.

With all the covid restrictions easing I’ve been really hoping that my local district’s children’s centres would be re-opening as normal soon, but no- they’ve just updated their Facebook page with September’s “virtual offer” of three zoom workshop sessions and “virtual baby massage”- and no mention at all of any change to the current online-only situation.

AIBU to think enough is enough now? How long do they plan on using covid as an excuse not to deliver the service they are designed and built (and paid) for? I’m expecting DC2 in December and at this point fully expect them to be walking and talking before anyone besides the immunisation nurse actually claps eyes on them.

I am sure it has been stated, but probably like many any councils, ours has taken this as an opportunity to close down our children centers.

And rumour has it they are looking at the library next, which is the only other place that does something for small babies.

Added to this, our lesiure centre was closed and knocked down way before lockdown, so parents before the whole covid thing were struggling socialising anyway.

I just really feel for anyone with young babies at the moment, if you can I would write to your local councillors, MP make some noise, especially if you hear that they could be closed.

But covid is given as the reason. If there's problems with budgets be honest and say that don't keep fobbing people off with nonsense about no one wanting to clean toys or it's not viable due to social distancing etc.

It's the easiest reason to give people to shut them up and get them to go away without individual staff members going into politics.

Most people don't realise that most of a councils funding comes from central government.

As per Gimlisaxe if you want to make some noise write to your MP. You can write to your local councillors but unless the service is deemed an essential one they have a statutory duty to provide they will just tell you hard luck.

I think we do realise that, but again see how parents of babies and toddlers are being shut down.

Regardless of the ‘real’ reason, if councils are claiming ‘because of covid’ they have to accept people taking issue with that. Because for all MN babies are happy gurgling on a playmat for twelve months, most do actually need a bit more interaction than that.

It's the easiest reason to give people to shut them up and get them to go away without individual staff members going into politics.

It doesn't need staff to get into politics and parents don't need shutting up. It's just another example of how parents who want something so simple as company and compassion in a very difficult and uncertain part of their lives are are viewed as unreasonable.

It’s ridiculous. New mothers and babies have been ignored during the pandemic.
Health visitor over the phone doesn’t help. I had to basically cry over the phone to get my son seen in person by a dr.

A video session would just result in wrestling the tablet away from baby.
Some of us can’t afford to spend £100 to sign up for bulk play sessions to guarantee a place.

My son and I missed out and that makes me angry.

The huge decline in services offered by children’s centres is more to do with budget cuts than covid tbh.

We're lucky as we're in a London borough and all the children's centres are open around here. The timetables are very much reduced, adults need to wear masks and there's a lower limit on numbers, but it's still been possible to turn up to a drop-in session. I think some families are still being cautious as you used to have to turn up early to be able to get a place, plus they have vacancies for their free nursery places which used to be really sought after. I have a 3 year old and she has a busy schedule of stay and play, swimming, toddler classes, plus nursery. I checked Happity the other day and there are a lot of new classes that will be starting in September too (which are pricey but fortunately we can afford them). Other activities like swimming (free for children) and soft play, museums, city farms, libraries (no rhyme time but can drop in for general browsing) are open too.

If our council can do it (and I know the other boroughs nearby can too) then there's no excuse for other councils keeping their facilities closed. There is already evidence of poorer language and cognitive development in babies born during the pandemic and it's only going to get worse.

I'm actually a little tearful reading about what so many of you have been through . I remember those feelings but I had so much support compared to you (and I could leave my house when I liked).

Another aspect of it which people who say it's just new mothers whining don't understand is that maternity leave is often the time during which you build your support network for the next few years. This is especially the case if, like me, you are raising your child in a place that you're not originally from and have few existing friends or family connections in. Maternity leave was when I met almost all my 'local' friends. Knowing people who live close by to take DC for a walk with or have a socially distanced coffee outside really did save my sanity at times. So it's not just this time which has been affected for new parents, it's also not having an opportunity to build connections with others in the same situation.

I have found this thread very validating to read. I gave up looking to mumsnet for some advice/sympathy during the pandemic when I had a tiny baby. Apparently new mums were just being grabby and whinging "I never went to clubs" etc. Our local children's centres are still only doing virtual things and we live close to one of the most deprived areas in the country.
I have stopped being angry about how much we missed out on, my DD is absolutely thriving and she talks brilliantly which was the thing I worried about. I'm not fine though, my confidence has been knocked, I find it harder to meet people, I'm lonely and I'm less inclined to leave the house. I don't ask for help purely because I've got used to just dealing with whatever worry I have because covid always trumped any worry I might burden a service with.
Having playgroups, children's centres etc would have perhaps changed all that. I loved mat leave, going out and meeting people in the 3 months pre pandemic mat leave I did get.

(I know this thread is predominantly about children's centres and not lost mat leave)

I agree with PP saying its more budget cuts, however as an employee of a local authority who does face to face work (or did!) I do think covid has hastened at least our authority to make these decisions. Because for over a year there's been more homeworking and appointments with clients via zoom, its easier for them to say the services function fine without the need for physical spaces. C&F centres will have a range of professionals using them- I used to use them as an office base, and somewhere to work with teenagers. Now I have no office base and nowhere public to meet young people. The fact is that as with work with new mums, zoom is an incredibly poor replacement for face to face work and I have certainly noticed a sharp decline in positive outcomes for my clients and take up of the service. But IMO that's what the local authority want- to discourage take up of services unless your need is dire, then they have the 'evidence ' they need to prove the service isn't viable.

Sorry to hear you're finding your job difficult InpatientGardener it must be so infuriating when some unknown senior staffer who has no understanding of your role says zoom is a suitable replacement when you know the reality is far from accurate.

I have to once again agree with those saying in 2, 3 or 4 years down the line when the inevitable issues arise these senior so and so's are the same people who will act surprised at all the problems those on the ground or living the experience saw coming miles away.

Sadly by then anything they implement to 'help' will be much too little much too late.

@FuckingFlumps those senior people will have gone and got a job in a different council.

[quote RedMarauder]@FuckingFlumps those senior people will have gone and got a job in a different council.[/quote]
You're probably right. Then it won't be their problem to deal with the inevitable shit storm that's coming in the next few years.

It’s so nice to have had a thread where we haven’t been mocked or scorned or told that it was worse for

@SpicyJalfrezi

It’s so nice to have had a thread where we haven’t been mocked or scorned or told that it was worse for

Yeah, before when there were threads like this there was always one idiot saying ‘at least you’ve not got covid, they’re trying to keep you and your baby safe, be thankful your not dead like my neighbours brothers friends auntie ’ 🤦🏽‍♀️

It’s rubbish, we’re never going to get the time back we’ve lost but we’ve survived it and hopefully things will start to open up and our babies will continue to thrive, with or without health visitor support

Only one?! All the ones I’ve seen have had quite a lot of posters berating mothers of preschool children for not just donning puddlesuits and embracing the great outdoors. In January. With a newborn. It’s just as good as a baby class,apparently. Who knew!

@SpicyJalfrezi I think people forgot there was a period where playgrounds were locked up.

This meant if you had a toddler you would take them on a walk and have to distract them from the fact they couldn't go on the swings etc even though older children had climbed over the fencing.

Also there are only so many bloody walks you can take them on and even if you lived in an area with plenty of green space some of it was like how Piccadilly Circus use to be.

Ours closed years ago. You are lucky to still have any service at all, even an online one.

Thats a bit of a miserable comment, but there are huge budget problems in lots of councils, including ours. They are probably staying online as a cost saving measure to be honest.

I promise it isn’t Covid being used an excuse.

NHS, social care and childrens services are in crisis due to staff absence due to Covid and other illnesses. Family support workers who would usually run these groups are inundated with families in crisis because support disappeared for so long. Families where children have obvious developmental disabilities and have seen nobody about it. Nobody is sat around twiddling their thumbs.

Having a baby during a pandemic has been awful, but it’s really disheartening working in maternity and children’s services and seeing how screwed up everything else and yet the general public think everything is fine now. It isn’t.

I completely agree OP.

My HV came once when DS was a few days old and I haven’t seen her since. Had two phone calls since but the one when he was 10 months old wasn’t even her, it was a nursery nurse who told me she ‘wasn’t qualified to help me with my emotional issues’ so told me to contact my GP . He hasn’t been weighed since the 6 week check, he’s 13 months old now.

Don’t get me started on baby/toddler groups. I also have an almost 3 year old so I’ve had a lot of difficulty finding groups that aren’t exclusively for babies for starters. The next issue I’ve had is the price. I found an art group that sounded great and fit everything I needed (easy for me to get to, could take both DS’s etc) but then the group leader told me the price and I almost fell on the floor. £90 for 5 sessions! I just couldn’t believe it. We own lots of paper, paint and other crafty bits so there’s no way I could ever justify that.

I used to go to the free drop in rhyme time session at the library with DS pre-covid but when they finally brought that back in June it was only for 3 families and had to be prebooked. I managed to get a place at 2 of the sessions but both were absolutely abysmal. We all sat in a socially distanced circle so the toddlers didn’t go near one another and we listened to the librarian reading a story in a monotone voice then sang some songs awkwardly then left.

I went to another story time group I heard about in a local park. When I got there, the three women already there knew each other and didn’t even look up to greet me. They didn’t talk to me at all and one of their toddlers kept attacking my baby (literally jumping on him and yanking at his hair) to which the Mother didn’t even apologise.

I have PND and I’ve totally given up on finding a decent toddler group now. I just can’t be bothered anymore.

I couldnt see any sense in waiting for someone else to do it and managed to secure funding for equipment from the local councillor which was amazing. All the funds go back into the renting of the hall, new toys and the biscuits that the kids constantly inhale! I love it though. Ive seen some of the quieter mums really come out of their shell and the 1st session i saw some mums swapping numbers and i knew it had been the right thing to do. Its a lovely group and its became a little village. Its not cliquey at all which when my oldest was a baby, the ones i went to were and it was really intimidating. We do clothes swaps and one of the mums is a trained breast feeding advisor and she speaks to alot of the new mums which is great

@ImJustMum

I couldnt see any sense in waiting for someone else to do it and managed to secure funding for equipment from the local councillor which was amazing. All the funds go back into the renting of the hall, new toys and the biscuits that the kids constantly inhale! I love it though. Ive seen some of the quieter mums really come out of their shell and the 1st session i saw some mums swapping numbers and i knew it had been the right thing to do. Its a lovely group and its became a little village. Its not cliquey at all which when my oldest was a baby, the ones i went to were and it was really intimidating. We do clothes swaps and one of the mums is a trained breast feeding advisor and she speaks to alot of the new mums which is great

That sounds brilliant, well done you!

I’ve found some of the groups cliquey too, especially when I’m not from this area originally. It can be a bit intimidating when you go and everyone knows each other but I’ve kept at it as it’s not about me it’s about DD.

@Cabbagepie

Totally agree, utterly ridiculous. Local children's centre is right next door to the primary school but unlike the school it's doors are still firmly closed.

Same situation here. Children’s centre is the office for some of the health visitors, is the booking location for parental courses and the venue for baby weigh in clinic - none of which are running, and it remains locked up.

As others have said, HV development check services are via zoom, here they’re done by the nursery nurse not a health visitor - and, despite telling them when DTs were 13 weeks old that we neither wanted or needed (due to their previous interactions being complete crap and not appropriate) any input from their team, they still tried telling me it was a compulsory appointment (and didn’t appreciate being told I would not be participating!)

It’s all very well people saying that they aren’t closing because of Covid, but that’s what we are being told.

I paid over £300 for DS to attend classes, not counting the cost of soft play sessions. Not everyone can do that.

HVs aren’t seeing us, GPs won’t let us in, so if you do need to talk, you can’t. I’ve had a really low mood at times and I have on occasion decided I’m going to bare my soul but then can’t because there’s nowhere to do it!