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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Misogynistic - School uniform

119 replies

LadyGAgain · 01/09/2021 23:17

Right. This is a weird one so pls hear me out.
School has a very strict uniform policy. This isn't the AIBU.
Boys can wear trousers or shorts throughout the year with a shirt and tie plus pullover.
Girls can wear the same as above (including skirt) but are allowed to wear a gingham dress only in the summer term.

So boys can wear any of their uniform options throughout the year but girls are only allowed to wear part of their uniform when they are told it's ok.

None of my issue is about uniform. It's about boys being able to do anything throughout the year and girls being told they can't until the school say they can. So the subliminal messaging is happening without people realising it.
Girls conform. Boys can just be.

The girls won't recognise this right now but it's there. Subliminally there.

AIBU?

OP posts:

ChubbyMsSunshine · 01/09/2021 23:50

I think you're seeking out misogyny here where it doesn't exist.

The girls have an extra choice. It doesn't matter if it's only available at certain times of the year; its still an extra option the boys don't have.

You could make it fairer by removing the summer dress option entirely. Would you prefer that?

Original poster

LadyGAgain · 01/09/2021 23:59

Thank you for your perspectives. It's really helped me.

OP posts:

TwoLeftElbows · 01/09/2021 23:59

I think the girls win out massively on this one, sorry - they get the lovely cool summer dresses.

I agree it's a needless rule but I struggle to see what advantage the boys gain. If you complain they could "fix" it by either saying boys can also wear dresses in the summer term only, or by banning summer dresses altogether. Either would remove the sex difference without benefitting girls in the least. It's not a battle I'd pick.

PartridgeFeather · 02/09/2021 00:00

I take your point OP, but school uniform is such a horribly oppressive concept anyway that maybe it doesn't really matter?Boys and girls are all made to look equally ridiculous until they're allowed to have a personality in sixth form.

Goldenbear · 02/09/2021 00:05

Well I agree Op and it is not stupid parents as surely it depends where you live as to whether it is warm enough for Gingham dresses I terms other than summer. You can wear summer dresses all year around at my DD's primary school. We are on the south coast and quite a few go back with the summer dress on. My DD started wearing hers in April as it was definitely warm enough. Boys are welcome to wear dresses and this applies to my son's secondary school where they can wear the skirts if they want to.

3Br1tnee · 02/09/2021 00:06

The clue is in the name. Summer dresses. Its far too cold for them in the winter.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/09/2021 00:06

Maybe it's just me, but I've never quite understood why gingham dresses are such 'a thing' at most schools. They have (say white) t-shirts/shirts/blouses that can be worn with (say grey) trousers/skirts/pinafores in the same standard material - and then they also have this random option of gingham dresses in a completely different colour that don't in any way correspond with the actual uniform.

It's not even like they have a Summer uniform and then a rest-of-year uniform for all of the children, as the boys wear the same uniform colours/material all year round, so it just looks odd and disjointed at a mixed school in Summer - effectively, they don't actually have a single uniform at that time of year, but two, ergo it is not a uniform at all (uni meaning 'one').

As PPs have said, as well as already having an extra option in the standard uniform colours and material (skirts - I presume pinafores are not allowed? If they are, that's two extra options), but then girls also have another random choice for one term every year, based primarily on comfort rather than conformity.

Not misogyny in any possible sense of the word. Quite probably sexism against the boys, though.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/09/2021 00:10

Which suggests they think parents are too stupid to dress their girls appropriately for the weather

Gingham dresses may still be 'not necessarily inappropriate' in September, but they aren't really needed for weather/heat reasons - it's virtually never sweltering in September in the way that it very often is in June and July.

Enough4me · 02/09/2021 00:14

My DD loved pointing out the additional uniform choice she had over DS in the summer, until I stopped her as not nice to him!

She loved quickly dressing in the morning and quick PE changes, boys miss out on these highlights. DS was disappointed, he certainly wouldn't wear a dress but would have loved to ditch the tie.

Original poster

LadyGAgain · 02/09/2021 00:16

@Enough4me

My DD loved pointing out the additional uniform choice she had over DS in the summer, until I stopped her as not nice to him!

She loved quickly dressing in the morning and quick PE changes, boys miss out on these highlights. DS was disappointed, he certainly wouldn't wear a dress but would have loved to ditch the tie.

This is a really lovely perspective. Thank you! Sorry that your DS was upset

OP posts:

Goldenbear · 02/09/2021 00:33

Well it is the summer season until the 22nd September and it is not about only wearjngbthem when it is sweltering. My DD finds them much lighter and more comfortable than the polo shirt/ skirt combo. She likes wearing the airer dress in mild weather not just baking hot. My Mum lives in the midlands and DH has family in the North west it is noticeably colder up here to us, my DD has pretty much lived in shorts where we are from but this is rare at my Mums at this time of year.

CecilyP · 02/09/2021 00:44

The London forecast is for mid-20s next week. Much hotter than April when these dresses are, presumably, allowed.

OP, if you are unhappy with the rule, approach the school and ask if dress wearing can be extended till the October half term. Use monthly temperature charts for your area to back up your suggestion. Do not mention misogyny as it would just make you look daft.

Abitofalark · 02/09/2021 00:50

I understand what you are saying but I don't agree with your interpretation. There is no basis for saying there's a message of misogyny there. I often think there is unfairness to girls in school decisions about uniform but not here. The girls get to wear lovely cool dresses in summer.

UndertheCedartree · 02/09/2021 01:06

I have to say I dislike the idea of being 'allowed' to wear/not wear something only when told.

It would annoy me too as my DD always goes back in Gingham as it is still warm.

lilseb · 02/09/2021 01:19

Not read all the replies but I'm confused - isn't OP saying girls can only wear dresses in the summer? Which is particularly restrictive

Or are they saying that dresses are only allowed to be worn on top of normal uniform in the summer? Which is what it looks like repliers have interpreted

TwoLeftElbows · 02/09/2021 01:30

@lilseb I take it as pretty clear from "Girls can wear the same as above (including skirt) but are allowed to wear..." to mean that girls can also wear trousers, shorts or skirts in the summer term. The "only" means they can wear the dresses in only one term, not wear only the dresses in one term.

TwoLeftElbows · 02/09/2021 01:32

Or that's how I'm interpreting it anyway.

ShingleBeach · 02/09/2021 01:40

As I understand it, to avoid falling foul of sex discrimination laws if a school allows any item of uniform, it has to be allowed for both sexes.

So if gingham dresses are allowed as a uniform item both boys and girls have to be allowed to wear them.

In which case the boys too would presumably be stopped from wearing them outside the summer term.

ShingleBeach · 02/09/2021 01:44

I have to say I dislike the idea of being 'allowed' to wear/not wear something only when told

Uniform is restrictive and prescriptive by definition. Being restricted to one colour, one style.

Very happy that my kids went to a uniform-free primary.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 02/09/2021 01:46

Campaign for a short-sleeved open-necked shirt for the boys?

I don't think the problem is that the girls have a summer uniform, it's that the boys don't.

UndertheCedartree · 02/09/2021 01:51

@ShingleBeach - yes, that's true but at least there are options around styles etc in Primary anyway. And DC can usually wear for example shorts or Gingham dresses whenever they want so can be comfortable. The things I really dislike are I have heard at a high school the girls had to wear tights at all times until they were told they could wear socks. So spent lots of time hot and uncomfortable.

Kanaloa · 02/09/2021 02:14

Presumably a girl can wear shorts and a jumper year round. My dd5 wears the grey school shorts in summer because she likes stuffing her pockets full of junk to clog my washer. Also they were hand me downs from her brother so saved me some trouble.

Kanaloa · 02/09/2021 02:14

And I understand what you mean about disliking being told what to wear and when but realistically that’s exactly what a uniform is.

NiceGerbil · 02/09/2021 02:17

So both sexes can choose trousers or shorts all year round.

Girls can wear dress in summer.

Not getting you sorry. The girls have more options surely?

NiceGerbil · 02/09/2021 02:21

What annoys me is that at DD secondary they aren't allowed to wear knee high socks with skirt. In the winter they have to wear tights which are for me and dd2 itchy as fuck.

And not so much that I suppose but we all know why right?

Because school uniform skirt and knee high socks has been sexualised.

Female children should not have their clothing options changed because there's an idea that school uniform plus knee high socks = sexy sexy sex.

Now that pisses me off.

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