to ask for a realistic picture of menopause

[Happy36]

4 months ago I found out I had cancer. I have had treatment and the cancer is now in remission. As a result of treatment, my periods have stopped and I've started to go through menopause (without any peri menopause period). I'm 40.

What can I expect and what can I do to mitigate it?

I think if you can’t have HRT, especially so young, it’s even more important to look at diet, exercise and mental health care. Would you be able to eat ground flaxseed? If so, a good tablespoon or two a day - I add it to my morning muesli and sometimes in baking as well. Plenty of good fibre, green veg especially broccoli and kale, proteins, legumes. Reduce sugar, caffeine and alcohol. Take magnesium and calcium supplements. Weight bearing exercise. Basically, look after your bones!

Is it a definite that you put weight on with HRT?

I’ve been on HRT fir nearly 3 years and I’ve lost weight primarily because being on HRT stopped the endless insomnia. Can’t exercise on 3 hours sleep! HRT also made me less anxious & irritable so I don’t feel the need ti hit the chocolate/cakes & wine

My menopause experience so far is

Hot flushes interspaces with chills
Aching legs
Vaginal atrophy
Loss of libido (probably because vag is itchy 50% of the time & even the thought of sex makes me wince with pain)
Losing ability to give a toss - this is a great side effect though

@Happy36 I had to be put in menopause for a surgical reason at a similar age and I actually felt miles better. But I had always suffered from horrific PMT and awful heavy periods!

Absolutely zero libido. Nothing there at all. It would certainly not bother me if i never had sex again (im 46) andnon the minipill so i do feel the effects.

Cant loose weight
Irritated y the slightest thing

I can add cold flushes to the list.

Definitely push for help whilst you’re still under the hospital. I didn’t (breast cancer) and I regret it.

Especially be careful to check if you’re allowed to take the herbal remedies pp have recommended. Some react negatively with certain medications.

Im 60. Never took HRT. Hair seems OK so far. No hot flushes, although can get a bit warm if suddenly worried by something. More wrinkles but that could be because I'm 60. Happy to speak my mind if someone's dicking me around. Much more inclined to see all sides of an argument. Can't be bothered to get angry over much anymore. I'm definitely more tired but that could be because I'm very overweight (fallacy that it's harder to lose weight - I can lose it quite easily. Just no willpower to keep it off.) and sleep patterns screwed up by lockdowns.
I think I've been lucky but my mum sailed through with zero symptoms, my sister was not as lucky.

Oh and @Happy36, excellent news about the remission. 🥳

We are all different.
Don't expect anything But know it can be an explanation for some things.
I had hot flushes and night waking. Also brain fog, memory not as sharp as it used to be.
No hrt and it has been manageable.
I do tend to be more anxious than I used to. Don't dismiss treatment for this aspect if it's needed.

@Theeyeballsinthesky

I’ve been on HRT fir nearly 3 years and I’ve lost weight primarily because being on HRT stopped the endless insomnia. Can’t exercise on 3 hours sleep! HRT also made me less anxious & irritable so I don’t feel the need ti hit the chocolate/cakes & wine

My menopause experience so far is

Hot flushes interspaces with chills
Aching legs
Vaginal atrophy
Loss of libido (probably because vag is itchy 50% of the time & even the thought of sex makes me wince with pain)
Losing ability to give a toss - this is a great side effect though

Do you still get these awful symptoms with HRT? I don’t see the point in taking it if they are still there. My shoulder and arm and killing me, the only way the pain goes away is when I grip my arm really tight but obviously I can’t stay gripping my arm, god how I would love to be a man right now, much easier.

I’ve been up since 3.55 and I went to bed at 10, I fall asleep easy but can’t stay asleep, hopefully getting HRT tomorrow.

Brain fog! OMG I am now queen of lists.
Dramatically reduced my lifelong anxiety as I lost the ability to give a shit what others think of me (woohoo).
No tolerance for idiots which unfortunately the world seems to be full of.
Slight weight gain so took up strength training - which I discovered I love despite hating any other exercise I've ever tried. And I've tried a lot!

No problem getting HRT. Love the bloody stuff and am a major advocate for it.

All in all, with the HRT, it's been a very positive experience (but I seem to have skipped the physical symptoms so consider myself lucky).

A variety of the above.

Changing our duvets to one super light single for me and a normal single for husband was a game changer.

I was far more comfortable, cooler and had much better rest.

Sharing a duvet is a No No during the menopause if you have hot flushes and your sleep is disturbed.

Best of luck.

Hot flushes are a breeze for me tbh, they don’t last more than 30 seconds, it’s the insomnia, looking older than I did and the no sleeping plus the achey joints.

This is def a how long is a piece of string question.

I've had anxiety - very very surprising and out of character - I'm sure covid won't have helped

Hot flushes esp at bed time and early morning so always short of sleep. No actual sweating but clammy.

Migraines every few weeks

Aches and pains

NO loss of libido

NO extra tiredness or general unwellness (unless poor sleep)

Hair and skin ok

Bouts of Cycstitis but got that sorted with a pessery thing

I'm going on HRT very soon.

Forgot brain fog. I really hope
It's me a pause related otherwise I'll be extremely worried. Never had it before.

I'm 48 and my only symptom I have so far is not giving a fuck. As it's my only symptom I am not sure it's menopause but I fuckin love it!

I have started raising my eyebrow at people and saying, 'and?'

Hi OP, congratulations on the cancer remission. I too went into menopause early from chemotherapy. Some of my side effects got mixed up with chemo I think. I was very very sore, I felt totally arthritic. I had hot flushes. And weight gain. But the HRT is great. Can you take it?

When you feel well enough to exercise again, embrace it. It's a cliche but swimming in the sea is brilliant too if it's a possibility for you. I think it's the boost of circulation.

Chronic itching down below
Feeling of ants crawling on me
Always too hot in bed(needed fan even in winter)
Hair turned to straw
Hair growing out facial mole
Aching legs and stiff feet on getting up
Much harder to lose weight

Oh and complete loss of libido- in fact the idea of sex was suddenly repulsive .
I haven’t taken HRT as I felt so shit I didn’t fancy giving up smoking- and was told the two don’t mix

I had quite a few hot flushes and night sweats. Periods went between spotting and heavy before they tailed off. Vaginal dryness can be treated. It is liberating not having the worry of periods with the associated truckload of painkillers and I've never felt healthier.

Had a coil fitted because of really heavy periods. They stopped.
that was about nine years ago, so I assume I've had menopause.
No other symptoms.

I am not sure anyone can give you a realistic picture because it varies so wildly. My MIL barely had any symptoms, was on HRT, still the same person during and after. My mother unfortunately went from the nicest person and my best friend to a horrible narcissist for six years, despite trying many different types of HRT, various medication etc. Now she is most of the way back to normal and we are good friends again, but she still has a narcissistic streak that was never there before her menopause.

Please don’t panic OP, not everyone has even a fraction of the symptoms listed here.

I had hot flushes which hrt sorted but may not be an option for you. Most of my friends managed them by wearing suitable clothed and managing their lives ( similar perhaps to managing your periods?).

I was listening to a Doctor on the radio recently who said that even women who cannot have regular hrt can use vaginal creams or pessaries if they suffer from dryness or vaginal atrophy- a years worth of use was equivalent to one tablet in terms of systemic absorption. So do discuss this with your medical team if you are suffering.

Most of my friends didn’t go down the hrt route and are fully functioning women who care less about what other people think and might occasionally get the rage.

It’s fine, honestly.

I had my ovaries & fallopian tubes removed at age 40 and went straight into awful hot flushes, waking up drenched in sweat every night or sitting at my desk, red-faced and sweaty. The worst symptom, though, was (and still is, 10 years on) the vaginal dryness. HRT and pessaries have helped with both these issues a lot, but haven't eradicated them.
I have put on weight and I'm finding it harder to diet. Libido has dropped a bit.
On the plus side, my PMT mood swings have gone and I'm more even tempered now than I've ever been. The throbbing spots I used to get on my chin in the run up to my period have gone, but my skin is a fair bit drier in places so I take extra care with moisturising now.
Yes, the menopause has a lot of downsides but, for me, it has been preferable to still having periods. I hated all that.

I have Ovarian cancer and had a total hysterectomy and chemo. I expected menopause to hit me like a ton of bricks. So far nearly a year later my only symptoms have been hot flushes and night sweats. So it might not be as bad as your expecting.
The unexpected joy came when I was on holiday this year travelling without the worry of working out when your period will start such freedom!.