Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To not hide a bad mood at work?

63 replies

AlexSox · 01/09/2021 12:55

I am usually in a good/OK mood at work but when I am feeling blue, I find it very difficult to hide my feelings. I find myself slumping in my chair and sometimes fighting tears back as I work, even if what's upsetting me is not really linked to the job.

It's not a customer facing role but I know I should be cheerful and professional with my colleagues and not let my emotions show...

Not really an AIBU I know but what are your tactics for dealing with this?

OP posts:

DuckDuckGooses · 01/09/2021 13:01

Do you have a favourite drink at all? (Office appropriate!). I used to keep a tub of fancy hot chocolate in my drawer and when I had a bad day take the long route to the kitchen and make myself a nice drink. I would also keep nice snacks to perk myself up! Are you allowed to listen to music? Perhaps putting on a playlist can help distract you

EmeraldShamrock · 01/09/2021 13:19

Mask it, fake it till you make it.
I don't know the answer however I know it is uncomfortable working with a colleague who blows hot and cold.
An old manager used to slam her door scowling or smile waving depending on the mood.
Find little ways to improve your mood.

ElspethFlashman · 01/09/2021 13:25

Yeaaaahhhhh.....you can't really do that tbh.

It sounds like you're finding it hard to cope. Have you been to your GP?

Longdistance · 01/09/2021 13:30

I’d say go speak with your GP.
You shouldn’t take your mood with you to work. Leave it on the doorstep outside and pick it up on your way out. That’s what I do. We go to work, do my job and go home.

Goingbackto5oh5 · 01/09/2021 13:30

Give yourself small motivations to make it through the day, like treating yourself to something when you get home, also second have something in the workplace that can cheer you up even a little bit. You're human so your mask will slip sometimes but you can only try your best.

TheWoleb · 01/09/2021 13:32

How often are you holding back tears at work? Or sitting in a grump?

Most people are not in a bad mood, or a crying mood, very regularly. If this is happening ever week or something then you need to see you GP.

You cant behave like that at work, so you need to put a professional veneer on top but that's not the big issue here. The real problem is that you shouldn't be near to tears on a regular basis. See your GP for some help.

MagnoliaBeige · 01/09/2021 13:33

Immerse yourself in a task that takes up all your attention so you can’t sit and mope. I have a colleague who brings her moods to work regularly and god she’s draining and actually quite unprofessional - sighing all the time, grumbling over inconsequential things etc.

LonstantonSpiceMuseum · 01/09/2021 13:35

Express it and communicate it, in the most normal way you can. We're not emotionless robots and I think showing your human side isn't always a negative thing.
Tell people you feel angry, tell them you are having a bad day but in a jokey way. Get a cup of hot chocolate as one PP suggested and joke that you need it, you're not feeling great.
You don't have to shout, slam doors or employ passive aggression. Direct the energy into your spreadsheets or a technical problem that's been bothering you. Just not anyone else.
It's okay to not feel happy all the time, also I'm not sure it's good to pretend that you are, despite our culture calling for it.

Yika · 01/09/2021 13:37

It sounds like your emotional state is close to the surface. I'd say try to make time at the beginning of the day to really deeply feel your emotions, feel anger, sadness, cry, etc, vent them, air them, give them space and let them go. Trying to suppress emotions can make them stronger. (Of course, do it in private, before work. Go for a walk, write down what you're feeling, etc.)

Dozer · 01/09/2021 13:37

Fighting back tears, being visibly upset and/or ‘off’ with colleagues isn’t office appropriate.

I have a MH issue and there have been times when I’ve struggled at work, and sought help for my health.

seaandsandcastles · 01/09/2021 13:38

YABVU. You need to be professional and not being your bad mood into work - nobody else should have to deal with it.

It’s not hard to slap a smile on your face, be polite and not being everyone else down. It’s just unpleasant to work with people who bring their problems into work.

Thingsthatgo · 01/09/2021 13:39

I have a colleague who does this. He is usually a really funny guy who is lovely to be around, but sometimes he will turn up to work like Eeyore, and glares at everyone.
I know him well enough now to know that it’s not personal, but I do think it’s pretty unprofessional and demonstrates a lack of resilience.
If you are feeling so down that you are crying at work, it is definitely worth seeking some help.

Dixiechickonhols · 01/09/2021 13:40

Tactics. Can you go to lunch for a walk - outside and exercise might help. Sugar.
Being on verge of tears for none work reasons at work isn’t fair in you or colleagues. If you have a reason - bereaved, ill health etc can you speak to hr re unpaid leave etc.

AtLeastPretendToCare · 01/09/2021 13:41

How often are we talking here? Weekly, monthly, twice a year? Or just very occasionally if you’ve had very bad news like hearing of a death of someone you cared about?

EmeraldShamrock · 01/09/2021 13:41

@AlexSox Do you know why you're sad? Is it related to your menstrual cycle?
I used to be feeling like that but hide it well.
I'm wondering as I've pmdd pre- diagnosis I recognised the issues were monthly.
I was able to manage with month by sleeping well, eating better and taking pmdd antidepressants.

Dixiechickonhols · 01/09/2021 13:44

If you are allowed headphones in. Or say you’ve got a headache/I’m not good company today and just head down and get on with work. We had an office hot water bottle - someone with that on lap would be just assumed to have period pain and left alone.

HugeAckmansWife · 01/09/2021 13:46

I used to have a colleague who was bloody vile until about 11am and 3 cups of coffee in. She used to sort of joke about it but it was incredibly unprofessional as people would delay dealing with her or getting something done until she was in a decent mood and not likely to bite your head off.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 01/09/2021 13:46

@LonstantonSpiceMuseum

Express it and communicate it, in the most normal way you can. We're not emotionless robots and I think showing your human side isn't always a negative thing. Tell people you feel angry, tell them you are having a bad day but in a jokey way. Get a cup of hot chocolate as one PP suggested and joke that you need it, you're not feeling great. You don't have to shout, slam doors or employ passive aggression. Direct the energy into your spreadsheets or a technical problem that's been bothering you. Just not anyone else. It's okay to not feel happy all the time, also I'm not sure it's good to pretend that you are, despite our culture calling for it.

Agreed. You don't have to be cheerful all the time but you do have to be professional which includes considering the impact of your behaviour on other people.

I'd much rather have a colleague who said "sorry guys, I'm feeling rubbish today. Nothing to do with you or work but if I'm a bit quiet or grumpy that's why." than just sat there with a face on.

As a previous poster said, it can be quite draining to have a colleague clearly in a mood or on the verge of tears, and it actually sets my anxiety off as well, thinking I may have done something to upset them. Also, I've found that if I'm having a low day myself, actually just acknowledging it out loud to other people can help me.

IntermittentParps · 01/09/2021 13:48

I think it's important to put a professional face on; it's disrespectful to your colleagues to let a bad mood affect the office atmosphere.

Most people are not in a bad mood, or a crying mood, very regularly. If this is happening ever week or something then you need to see you GP.
Agree with this. You need to look after yourself – it will help you be able to put your game face on.

godmum56 · 01/09/2021 13:50

what causes the blueness and is it frequent? Does the cause need dealing with? Does it make you behave angrily or snarkily to your colleagues or does it just make you sad? Can you do your job properly or does some of your work land on your colleagues?

MyBadHabitsLeadToYou · 01/09/2021 13:51

I’ve had more than one (usually female I’m afraid) boss who has been unable to hide their bad mood at work. Taking it out on everyone else for no reason.

It’s not fucking ok. It’s unprofessional.

TomAllenWife · 01/09/2021 13:52

I don't know where you all work but we're all pretty honest with each other.

We come in and say 'I'm struggling with my anxiety', 'I'm hungover', 'my partners been a cunt', 'I think I'm having a breakdown' and then we can be more supportive to each other

Some days are good, some are bad, and if you can't share that with your workmates who you spend all week with that's crazy

Belleager · 01/09/2021 13:52

If it's not often and you're able to just get on with your own work, fine. But if you are in meetings, discussing plans, don't under-estimate how much people may be walking on eggshells around you if this is happening often and is governing your reactions. Do you have a mentor or manager you can talk to?

PersonaNonGarter · 01/09/2021 13:57

Is this occasional? How often does it happen?

Lemons1 · 01/09/2021 13:57

It's ok not to feel 100% all the time, and I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling so good right now, but you should definitely communicate with colleagues when you need some space.

I've been on the receiving end of a colleague's bad moods and it was miserable. It made for a toxic, tip-toe type environment. I feel everyone would have been more sympathetic and been able to help her if she'd communicate that she needed a bit of space, but instead we would feel hurt by her bad mood coming across as rudeness.

I agree with other posters to try and cheer yourself up with something comforting like a nice drink, bar of chocolate, or go for a walk to get some fresh air.

Flip

1 2 3