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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not hide a bad mood at work?

63 replies

AlexSox · 01/09/2021 12:55

I am usually in a good/OK mood at work but when I am feeling blue, I find it very difficult to hide my feelings. I find myself slumping in my chair and sometimes fighting tears back as I work, even if what's upsetting me is not really linked to the job.

It's not a customer facing role but I know I should be cheerful and professional with my colleagues and not let my emotions show...

Not really an AIBU I know but what are your tactics for dealing with this?

OP posts:
Fuckityfucksake · 01/09/2021 13:57

Yes you are being U
Granted when you feel quite shitty it can be difficult to hide.
Your colleagues will absolutely notice and if it's a regular occurrence, any decent support you may receive from them if it's a one off, will fade away because it becomes uncomfortable and draining to people having to tiptoe around the moods etc...

As other posters above have said already - if you are feeling so down that you're crying at work then something has to give and you really need to seek help.

There's no shame in needing help if your MH isn't good right now. Please do seek some and hopefully you'll feel much better.

I myself have had horrific MH, medicated for most of my adult life but I learned to detach myself a long long time ago - My problems, troubles, moods stay at the door as I enter work and there they wait until I pick them up again on my way home!
I am customer facing and also managerial so taking my shit in with me and allowing it to affect my staff or customers is not an option for me.

LonstantonSpiceMuseum · 01/09/2021 14:04

You've expressed this better than me in terms of the anxiety - I think it comes from the unpredictability of the situation where you have someone who you can tell is in a bad mood but trying to hold it together.

I think it sets me on edge because I worry I'll say or do something that will upset them even more. At least if I know the partners been a cunt (as another PP suggested 🤣) I can mention other things instead, or get a feel if they want to vent or not.
Also, there's the age old thing where if you tell someone their in a bad mood, it makes them worse. If I'm dancing around someone I know I'm making it worse arrrghhh. Whereas if they've just come out and said it I feel a lot more comfortable.
Good train of thought PP!

LonstantonSpiceMuseum · 01/09/2021 14:04

@IToldYouIWasFreaky this was a reply to you btw

Crunchymum · 01/09/2021 14:06

How often does it happen @AlexSox?

What triggers it?

To be honest we had someone at work who had regular "moods" and the people who sat with her walked on eggshells in the end (pre office closure)

One day we'd all be laughing and joking about something and the next day this person would be pissed off / offended or even angry about the very thing we were all joking about the day before.

It was all very bizarre and the dynamic changed when she was around.

MyBadHabitsLeadToYou · 01/09/2021 14:08

Honestly most people just want to get in, do their job and get out again. Don’t inflict your shit on to those people.

PlanDeRaccordement · 01/09/2021 14:10

You can’t really let it affect your interactions with colleagues. If you can’t mask the emotions, go to the ladies and splash you face with cold water, have a sit down and gather your calm back. If that doesn’t work, then take a mental health sick day off work for self care. If that doesn’t work, or you’re doing it frequently, then you need to see your GP about your mental health.

purplesequins · 01/09/2021 14:11

yabu
foul mood has no place at work. it will affect the mood of your colleagues and their productivity as well.
I second seeing your gp.
unless you had a recent loss of a family member it's not normal to just burst into tears 'just like that'.

Vanishun · 01/09/2021 14:24

Healthy diet, exercise, sleep, all ways I've boosted my mood - and working in a job I like too.

I used to go and hide and sob quietly in the toilets on a daily basis. In retrospect, this was a symptom of being autistic and overwhelmed from the sensory issues in the office. Understanding it all helped me a lot too.

When do you feel sad and why? That'll make a big difference to how to handle it.

Topseyt · 01/09/2021 14:26

We all have good and bad days from time to time. That is just life. If this is happening too regularly then you may need help as others have suggested.

My coping mechanism was to just quietly bury my head in whatever task was at hand and when lunchtime rolled around I would head out for a nice walk, perhaps buying myself some sandwiches to eat in the park or overlooking the river (I worked in the City of London, so could sit on a bench overlooking the Thames).

If someone did ask me what was wrong I would often tell them, being polite and civil. I usually felt better for it.

You won't be in a perfect mood all of the time, it will fluctuate. You do have to try and stop it affecting the rest of the team.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 01/09/2021 14:33

You just have to hide it I'm afraid.

It is so unfair on others around you. One person's mood. can affect the whole mood of the office.

I have a colleague, who if they are in a bad mood, will certainly let you know it. Face like thunder, huffing and puffing, gob like a bulldog chewing a wasp. It's horrible.

Bluntness100 · 01/09/2021 14:33

How often does this happen op? And why are you crying? Is there something causing it as in an issue in your life or is it depression or a mental health issue? Is there an element of attention seeking, you want people to notice and ask? Or is it really unavoidable?

Tilly18101 · 01/09/2021 14:33

Agree with others, you don’t always have to be in a good mood but you have to professional and you have to ensure you are not a mood hoover on everyone else.

I manage a lot of different people, and the worst are those who treat me like their therapist. I don’t have time to sit on the phone for hours with crying women, angry men or just people in a bad mood. It’s not my job.

However it is my job as a manager to be supportive, so if someone in my team was clearly upset/not ok, I would intervene to check it’s not work. If it is, work with them. If it isn’t, have a chat about them getting outside support such as GP/therapy, ensure they are aware of internal work benefits such as EAP and let them decide if they are fit or not to then be working.

Do you have a colleague at work you can speak too and feel comfortable to talk too? To help in work? Your boss won’t appreciate 30 mins chatting but if it helps you deal with your day, doesn’t impact your work then you should talk to someone.

Whatever you do, don’t become someone that other people avoid because they feel like they are treading on eggshells, communicate, put on a brave face, take 10 mins or if you are really struggling seek external support.

annacondom · 01/09/2021 14:47

Well if you want/need to hide it, try acting. Pin a smile on. Or pretend you're someone cheerful (like Clara Amfo). Pretending fools your brain and you do end up feeling a bit better. (But I agree with the other posters about seeking help.)

SnarkyBag · 01/09/2021 14:50

Slumping in your chair close to tears on a regular basis is very unprofessional and I’d be eye rolling if this is a regular thing.

Zombiemum1946 · 01/09/2021 14:57

Nobody can be 100% all the time. Try some counselling to help with coping strategies to get you through the rough patches. I tend to treat work as a distraction unless it's the cause of the stress. You're only human, but you can't expect your colleagues to cope with it as well. Maybe there's someone you can talk to at work and say if it's a rough day. Sometimes just knowing that the support is there, regardless of whether you need it or not, can lift you.

bluebeck · 01/09/2021 14:59

Have you been reprimanded at work for being moody?

To be honest OP it sounds like you would be better off asking for help and advice over the thing that is getting you in this state that you are tearful at work.

Planty13 · 01/09/2021 15:04

It’s unprofessional if it’s a regular thing. I have a colleague like this and it is so draining.

BiddyPop · 01/09/2021 15:06

Not always being sweetness and light is one thing, and that is perfectly fine.

But sitting at your desk crying, especially about non-work issues, is a bit much. I agree with others to go out for a breath of fresh air, get a nice drink, do some deep breathing etc - but then get yourself under control to finish your work, head out and then let it all out (long walk, hide in a big hood and behind a book on train to cry, go home and thump a pillow or whatever).

frogface69 · 01/09/2021 15:09

It’s unprofessional. Leave your bad moods at home.

notanothertakeaway · 01/09/2021 15:22

Being a bit tearful for a few weeks after a bereavement = ok

Being constantly tearful due to poor mental health = tricky. I'd like to think people would be supportive if they can see you are actively seeking help from GP

Being tearful because Tesco ran out of cheese = not ok

Being angry, losing your temper, short with people = not ok

Mammyloveswine · 01/09/2021 15:23

I'm a teacher so I cannot hide my bad mood at work!

I did have a period of high stress though and whilst I tried to be professional my immediate colleagues noticed I was struggling and encouraged me to get the support and help I needed! They also made appropriate changes at work.

Mammyloveswine · 01/09/2021 15:24

Sorry I mean I cannot show my bad mood! I have to try and fake it til I make it!

MyBadHabitsLeadToYou · 01/09/2021 15:25

I'm a teacher so I cannot hide my bad mood at work!

What?

Foolsrule · 01/09/2021 15:26

I have a boss like this. It’s horrible. So unprofessional. There are days when we basically know not to ask for anything. I’m surprised they still have a job.

LaBellina · 01/09/2021 15:26

If I had a hard time and felt like crying at work, I would go to the toilet and stay there until I got a grip on myself again.
Also, purely focusing on your work to distract yourself from any shit going on in your personal life really helps. Talking from experience.

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