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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Covid Test for guests?

87 replies

SturminsterNewton · 31/08/2021 09:42

I have a couple of guests for the weekend at the end of September. They are staying with other people before they reach me and also have a wider social/family life than I. I live alone and WFH, so have been quite sheltered since Covid.

AIBU to ask them to do a test before they set off to me, or is that just being over-anxious (and rather inhospitable)?

OP posts:
Saoirse82 · 01/09/2021 21:50

@SmidgenofaPigeon

I’d tell you I’d done one if it saved you the anxiety.

But I’d be lying.

If you have that attitude to 'friends' in real life I doubt you're invited out much anyway so you needn't worry.
Goingdriving · 01/09/2021 21:57

I’m vaccinated. Until very recently Before my kids had friends sleep over I’d ask them to do a lateral flow first. They always did. I do it because o have elderly parents and yes they are vaccinated but the elderly are still at risk. I know quite a few people who are double vaccinated abs have been ill from covid
I’m only stopping now because there’s no point continuing - school looks set to be a covid fest

Goingdriving · 01/09/2021 21:59

Everyone has different levels of risk. You are completely entitled to tell people what level of risk you are comfortable with. A lateral flow costs them nothing and gives you peace of mind. Only a selfish twat would say no.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 01/09/2021 22:02

@GreenTortoise

Your house your rules. I honestly don't get why people are so weird about taking a LFT. It literally takes minutes. If they don't find it very welcoming then don't come. Simple as that.
This ^

Yes they are not very accurate but they do pick up some cases and it’s all we have to check currently.

LadyDanburysCane · 01/09/2021 22:02

@SturminsterNewton

Personally, I don't think it's a big thing - hardly "a massive bud up my nose to touch my brain" - and I'd be happy to do one before staying with friends/having them to stay.
Me too. I test twice a week anyway for work so I would be happy to do it and would totally understand.
sanityisamyth · 01/09/2021 22:17

@GreatEelRun

I also think it depends on your audience. Are they older/ have young kids at school who are going back next week. What is their situation?

For me, if you asked me I think I would just skip the visit if I had to test. But then as I said that is just me. I worked throughout the pandemic, not NHS, but another role. Now, I still have to wear a mask all day, every day at work and it is making me ill and affecting my MH. I am menopausal and I just can't breathe. I am sick of the restrictions.

So, if someone I was visiting at home asked me to stick a massive bud up my nose to touch my brain, I would pass on the visit.

Judging by the intelligence of the last paragraph, the swab may not be long enough to reach the brain ... luckily, in normal people, it only needs to go into the nose until "resistance is felt". This is NOT the brain!!

MotherOfCrocodiles · 01/09/2021 22:25

Like @GreatEelRun says, it's ok in the context you are testing yourself, everyone test to stop the spread etc

A friend of mine asked us to test before visiting. Fine, then it turned out she wasn't intending to do one herself. It made it painfully obvious that she was only worried about herself and regarded us as particularly germy which wasn't nice.

OnTheBoardwalk · 01/09/2021 22:32

I’ve been asked a few times over the last few weeks for work and social gatherings.

If I had guests staying I would let them know I’d done a test ahead of their arrival. Id expect but wouldn’t ask them to do the same. If they didn’t test I wouldn’t be that quick in asking them back for another visit

If they said they had the test but didn’t they wouldn’t be allowed in the front door just because of the dishonesty of it

Wiredforsound · 01/09/2021 22:33

I did when I went home to visit my family over the summer and was happy to. We all did. It may not be perfect but it is way better than nothing and gave us some reassurance that we were being as safe as we could be. If they are your friends then they will be happy to respect your wishes.

lljkk · 02/09/2021 01:16

tbh, this is the sort of thread that makes me want to avoid people as much as possible. I don't want to treat others or be treated by others as potential plague carrier. That bothers me more than complete loss of social contact.

Heliachi · 02/09/2021 01:30

This reply has been deleted

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Hydrate · 02/09/2021 01:48

We only see people outside, distanced and masked. Nobody has entered our house, and we are not entering anybody else's house, obviously I do not think you are unreasonable.

icedcoffees · 02/09/2021 05:31

I don't think YABU to ask but personally I would decline and not visit you.

I've never taken a test and don't intend to start now unless I show symptoms.

Stuffin · 02/09/2021 05:43

I wouldn't visit. If you were that anxious about covid to need me to test which aren't accurate then I don't think you are ready for visitors.

I am happy to get back to normal and don't want to be around covid anxious people so would give it a miss.

Others on this thread feel happy about testing themselves all the time so you might find a request welcomed instead.

Dee1975 · 02/09/2021 06:01

Perfectly reasonable and sensible to ask. Posters saying ‘well I wouldn’t visit’ … you really need to get over yourself! It’s a LFT. It’s free. It’s easy to do.

If it makes your host feel more comfortable then why wouldn’t you do it?

Op - As long as you realise they are not 100% effective. But of course are one thing, out of many, you can do to reduce risk.

icedcoffees · 02/09/2021 06:04

If it makes your host feel more comfortable then why wouldn’t you do it?

Because their comfort is not more important than mine.

They can ask but they can't expect people to agree. I wouldn't even think about asking anyone to test before we met up - it's a very alien concept to me.

If I didn't feel safe I just wouldn't meet. A negative test isn't proof of anything much.

Wallywobbles · 02/09/2021 06:05

We've just done a tour of family and friends in the UK. We tested before leaving each place.

liveforsummer · 02/09/2021 06:20

Do you have CEV loved ones in your home?

Op doesn't though, and isn't CEV herself.

Personally in these circumstances I'd do it if asked but it would probably change the tone of the holiday and i'd be less relaxed. It all just seems a bit over the top when everyone is healthy (along with washing shopping. Still can't believe that was/is a thing).

Probably best to broach it as 'I was thinking maybe we should all test before meeting' rather than a direct request for the visitors, to make it less like an accusation of them bringing the plague.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 02/09/2021 06:48

I test for work, my DH works from home so doesn't need to test but he still does. On the few times I have gone to stay at someone's house, especially if I've been out and about before then I've done a test. Its polite and makes me feel better.

I don't think its rude to ask a guest to take an LTF, although they are not very accurate they do pick up positive cases.

Clymene · 02/09/2021 06:54

I would be perfectly happy to. I totally accept that some people are more anxious. We test regularly anyway so it really is no big deal. My kids tested themselves before going to one another's houses over the summer. It seems to be the polite thing to do in their groups of friends.

DinosApple · 02/09/2021 06:58

I do them before my parents come over, and before I visit other people, and still do them regularly for work so I wouldn't be offended to be asked. I'd be miffed if you weren't doing one though.

Stuffin · 02/09/2021 07:01

Perfectly reasonable and sensible to ask. Posters saying ‘well I wouldn’t visit’ … you really need to get over yourself! It’s a LFT. It’s free. It’s easy to do.

It's not free in the long term as these things are paid for by us all.

And I don't think it is necessary and I am not going to normalise covid testing of healthy people to make someone less anxious. So I think those that want everyone to test whenever they meet should get over themselves Grin

hibbledibble · 02/09/2021 07:04

A lateral flow or a PCR?

LF is not particularly reliable, with a lot of false negatives.

For PCR tests, unless they are symptomatic or a contact, then this test should be done privately.

PurpleOkapi · 02/09/2021 07:12

You can try, but honestly? If you're that anxious about possible exposure you should probably just skip the visit. False negatives are very common with rapid tests, and even if they're negative at the time they test, they could still become positive and contagious while visiting.

Aprilx · 02/09/2021 10:36

@Dee1975

Perfectly reasonable and sensible to ask. Posters saying ‘well I wouldn’t visit’ … you really need to get over yourself! It’s a LFT. It’s free. It’s easy to do.

If it makes your host feel more comfortable then why wouldn’t you do it?

Op - As long as you realise they are not 100% effective. But of course are one thing, out of many, you can do to reduce risk.

You are pretty dumb if you think tests are free.

For how long do you think people should be demanding tax payer funded tests before they go to see friends? For the next six weeks, six months, ten years, forever more? And all paid by taxes, really, what increase in your income tax / cut in services would you accept in order to fund this testing before socialising?

OP can ask if she wants, personally if a friend asked me to take a test, I would say no and if that is what they want, I won’t be seeing them again until presumably they are past their health anxiety.