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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy myself a ring?

60 replies

Wearewhatweare · 30/08/2021 22:52

I’m longing to wear a nice ring… everyone around me is getting engaged and at the moment it is unfortunately not an option for us. We are not going to get engaged for a while (if ever) and it’s rather complicated. Not the relationship but family and other factors around us. Thinking of having a wedding is actually really upsetting me for these reasons but I’d love to be engaged. I can’t just ask for a ring but I thought I could treat myself to a nice one. Not an engagement ring like at all but something nice and obviously wear it on my index of middle finger. Is that silly? Where can I shop for a ring like this ?

OP posts:
Aprilx · 31/08/2021 12:11

Of course you can buy a ring, rings do not have to be bought by other people! I have bought plenty of rings for myself, some dress rings and some that cost a little more.

However as other posters have said, if it is marriage you are really longing for, then I don’t think purchasing a ring is going to change anything.

KupoNutCoffee · 31/08/2021 12:28

Of course you can buy a nice ring - you're not restricted to only having (relatively) cheap Pandora and similar rings until someone buys you 'the one'.

I have a lovely non-enagement ring, white gold with alexandrite. Absolutely love it as it changes colour depending on light. It was about 350. While I know you can get coloured engagement rings, I wanted something that didn't look like I got one on the wrong finger. I wear it on my ring finger on my right hand. But I am engaged too with a 'traditional' diamond.

I got my non-engagment ring from ernest jones, but any jewellers would do. Have a look at their gemstone collections rather than diamond. Use the occasions filters - and filter by anniversary or birthday, and you'll get less solitaires in princess cuts etc. But a ring is a ring - it's the question that makes it an engagement ring not the ring itself.

In that vein, this ring isn't going to fill that desire - you might end up with even more questions. "Oh what a lovely ring, guess he got the wrong size!"
When are you getting it made smaller/bigger?

The8thMonth · 31/08/2021 12:32

Do it! I love a bit of vintage / second hand jewellery and watch shopping Grin Nothing better than buying yourself a nice gift. You will always look at it and remember that you bought it for you

Thingsthatgo · 31/08/2021 13:29

@Daisyhoney yes, I do know. I’m a jeweller, and solitaire diamonds are the most common engagement ring gemstones by a long way, they are best suited to a ring that will last a lifetime because they are so tough. You are right though, people do choose other gemstones, often alongside diamonds like you have. The coloured gemstones, particularly, are also often used in dress rings, which look less like engagement rings.

MatildaTheCat · 31/08/2021 13:40

You sound sad about your lack of engagement. Can you have a chat with your DP and suggest an eternity ring or similar that you choose together? Nothing wrong with buying it yourself but maybe it would make you feel better if it was a joint thing?

I have a very small engagement ring because that was what we could afford then. Recently I suggested to DH that an eternity ring might be a nice thing and he agreed. I love it and it sits very nicely next to my other rings.

ChargingBuck · 31/08/2021 13:59

@Wearewhatweare

I’m longing to wear a nice ring… everyone around me is getting engaged and at the moment it is unfortunately not an option for us. We are not going to get engaged for a while (if ever) and it’s rather complicated. Not the relationship but family and other factors around us. Thinking of having a wedding is actually really upsetting me for these reasons but I’d love to be engaged. I can’t just ask for a ring but I thought I could treat myself to a nice one. Not an engagement ring like at all but something nice and obviously wear it on my index of middle finger. Is that silly? Where can I shop for a ring like this ?
Why do you need permission?

And, if you want to be engaged - why not ask your b/f to become engaged to you?

I'm sorry (& curious!) about why you fell you can't have your own wedding.
But if you are this hesitant about the tiny non-event of buying yourself a piece of jewellery, is it possible that you are also over-hesitant about the fact of whether you can marry this man?

If you are both in love, committed, & want to marry, what on earth could be stopping you?

TakeYourFinalPosition · 31/08/2021 14:28

I wouldn’t in your circumstances because it’s tied up to you resenting not being engaged so it will remind you that you had to buy it for yourself.

This. But I hope you can find something that eases the pain Flowers

SBAM · 31/08/2021 14:36

I’ve bought myself a couple of rings recently from Lee Fiori, wearing a nice ring makes me happy so I say go for it.

icedcoffees · 31/08/2021 14:38

There's absolutely nothing wrong with buying yourself a ring.

But I don't think it will make you feel as happy as you think it will if what you really want is to be engaged and eventually get married.

Angryfrommanchester1 · 31/08/2021 14:44

If it’s a ring because you want a ring then absolutely go ahead.anyone can buy a ring for themselves at any time. I bought myself a dress ring last week because it was old and I liked the look of it.
However if it’s because really you want an engagement ring, then it won’t ‘cure’ the issue will it? Because the underlying thing is still there, unresolved.

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