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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what emergency supplies you send with your DC when they start uni?

228 replies

EmptyNesterSoon · 30/08/2021 18:55

DD2 is off to uni in a fortnight.

When DD1 went I put together a small storage crate full of chemist items, first aid stuff, cough and cold remedies (lucky I did as she was really laid low with freshers' flu within a week of arrival). Emergency hangover kit - long life vegetable and fruit juices like V8, long life milk and breakfast bars so she could lie in bed and restore herself. Homesickness treats - fluffy socks and lots of chocolate and a cuddly toy.
And a few more serious items like drink spike test strips.

When DD's friend went to uni last year I did similar for her too as she has lost her Mum.

Now it is DD2's turn, so I made a start today in Boots with extra advice from a helpful chap on the pharmacy till.

Just wondering if others do this too and if so what items do you put in?

To ask what emergency supplies you send with your DC when they start uni?
OP posts:
Jenniferturkington · 03/09/2021 18:50

I absolutely see that it is lovely to buy them ‘luxury extras’ such as stocking them up with herbs & spices, or some decent shampoo etc. But surely they need to be buying their own condoms and hangover cures and such like?
And paying for their Uber?! They need to learn to budget well enough to afford to get home at the end of a night (or walk like most pissed students)

Jenniferturkington · 03/09/2021 18:51

And coins for the washing machines?!? Ffs, they can buy a packet of gum if they need change.

Abraxan · 03/09/2021 18:55

@Jenniferturkington

I absolutely see that it is lovely to buy them ‘luxury extras’ such as stocking them up with herbs & spices, or some decent shampoo etc. But surely they need to be buying their own condoms and hangover cures and such like? And paying for their Uber?! They need to learn to budget well enough to afford to get home at the end of a night (or walk like most pissed students)
Or parents can just enjoy making up a little 'emergency box' as it makes the parents feel like they are doing something nice for the child, before they make the big step to move out of home.

We did one for Dd and she has still managed to learn how to budget and fend for herself.

Abraxan · 03/09/2021 18:59

Never heard of this! Maybe it's a new thing as I'm in my mid 20s now but if I was ill I went to the pharmacy or GP when needed. I moved out at 14 though and would have cringed at the thought of people thinking I wasn't capable of looking after myself!

To be honest moving out of the family home isn't the norm at 14y so most of these teens leaving for university have not spent 4 years living away independently already.

With covid, I wanted dd to have medical supplies at hand incase she had to isolate with limited, or no, notice. Especially as, with limited f2f time, many students last year didn't get the chance to socialise and meet a wide range of people. So they relied in the household much more - but all of them would be left isolating at the same time, so fewer people to call on to help.

Despite her supplies Dd still managed to care for herself, including finding a new gp surgery, and getting her own meds as required,

GrandmasCat · 03/09/2021 19:55

Okay people… apart of nice homely things. If you can equip your kids with something before they leave, could you please remind them that, as they are adults now:

  1. The university cannot help them to sort any issues UNLESS they request the help. Unis can offer the help but cannot force students to take it, no matter how hard they want to help.
  2. Universities are not schools. Staff are not allowed to discuss any issues about your kid with you. They are hand tied unless your kid, who is now classed as an adult able to take his own decision, asks for help.
  3. If your kid is having a very bad time but is refusing to ask or accept help (it happens), please jump on your car and go and check on them. They may need you more than you think.

Thank you.

Haveyoubrushedyourteeth · 03/09/2021 21:05

My 3rd is about to go, but has no real experience of doing the normal things an 18 year old would have done, because of covid.
If I was moving to a flat I'd never seen, with people I didn't know, and to a university I'd never even looked around, I'd be bloody terrified! Hell it was worrying enough years ago and I'd a bit more life experience than my dd when I went!
All I know is that I'd rather send her with too much stuff than have her drag herself to a chemist if she was unwell or whatever. I don't see it as spoiling or fussing, it's just showing them that they might be grown up and a distance away, but they're still loved to bits.

underneaththeash · 03/09/2021 21:24

My grandmother sent me with a load of m&s ready meals!

sweatervest · 03/09/2021 21:46

best thread!!! thank you !!!
have just been through it with dd. no way would she have wanted a tool kit and sewing kit unless i'd read it out to her. but now the ikea list is longer than something long (reminds me of that line in top gun "long and distinguished, like my johnson")
so thank you again!

Crowtooyo · 03/09/2021 21:49

Alcohol, toilet roll, paracetamol. Sorted 🤣

On a serious note, this is super lovely!

When I was at uni my mum used to send me 'happy Tuesday ' or 'happy Thursday ' cards with a tenner, sometimes £20 every so often just as a little surprise pick me up. I appreciated it so much.

Annietheangst · 04/09/2021 13:19

@katedan

Bookmarking as this is a really useful post. Send DS off next month, he is the eldest and my first to leave and I feel sick with nerves but trying to keep upbeat and positive in front of him.
I'm sick with nerves too hun & secretly tearful Sadbut he's v excited. He's my only one. I feel really sad. Anyone else's going to Bournemouth? Anyway I've packed a first aid box with Berocca, paracetamol, lemsip, plasters etc. Basic food supplies of expensive things he likes but may not buy like Helmans Mayo (& including cleaning things). Also a treat tin with chocolate, sweets, hot chocolate. And a box of pins for his pin board with some printed out pics of pets family & mates.
peaceanddove · 04/09/2021 15:44

@Crowtooyo

Alcohol, toilet roll, paracetamol. Sorted 🤣

On a serious note, this is super lovely!

When I was at uni my mum used to send me 'happy Tuesday ' or 'happy Thursday ' cards with a tenner, sometimes £20 every so often just as a little surprise pick me up. I appreciated it so much.

Ooh, I'm stealing that lovely idea. It seems so much more personal than just doing a 2 second bank transfer into their account.
luckylavender · 04/09/2021 15:55

My favourites - a cozy fleece throw, a book of stamps & a toasted sandwich maker.

OnTheHillNotOverIt · 05/09/2021 12:09

My eldest DC are now living independently with the first aid tin I overpacked for them still in use. It didn’t stop them being functioning adults. DD1 said the supplies were used by everyone in her flat in her first year. When you need bite and sting cream or Imodium you need it Smile

steppemum · 06/09/2021 07:59

Taking ds out shopping today, we are getting all the bedding etc stuff. Then he is off for a week and I'm going to make him a first aid kit and a a large bag of stuff from Asda. He is in catered halls, so snacks and tea and coffee.
That should send him off well.

Also planning a big roast dinner for family together on Sunday as a goodbye.

he is so independant and ready to go, we've hardly seen him all summer as he has been making up for lost time socialising and working hard to save money.
But it is going to be strange without him!

NeverTalkToStrangers · 06/09/2021 08:43

Placemarking. There's a few genuinely essential things I completely failed to think of like a sewing kit and a bath mat.

Overdoor hanger for toiletries and socktopus are a good idea too.

nokidshere · 06/09/2021 14:21

I moved out at 14 though and would have cringed at the thought of people thinking I wasn't capable of looking after myself!

Well clearly you know that's not normal. And it's also quite sad. Not nearly the same as enjoying helping your teenagers fly the nest. I don't know a single teenager who can't look after themselves. Doesn't matter if you are 14 or 44, nothing wrong with a bit of tlc, fun and the occasional help from a loving parent.

Redarrow2017 · 06/09/2021 16:28

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

RainBow725 · 06/09/2021 16:43

I asked one of DS friends who is going into second year and the only thing not already on this thread and I hadn't thought of was shopping bags. Another friend has just gone said no one in his flat took bags 😂 and there was no cutlery divider in the kitchen drawer but I really hope that's not normal!!

peaceanddove · 06/09/2021 18:35

@nokidshere

I moved out at 14 though and would have cringed at the thought of people thinking I wasn't capable of looking after myself!

Well clearly you know that's not normal. And it's also quite sad. Not nearly the same as enjoying helping your teenagers fly the nest. I don't know a single teenager who can't look after themselves. Doesn't matter if you are 14 or 44, nothing wrong with a bit of tlc, fun and the occasional help from a loving parent.

Totally agree. DD1 is a very competent, resourceful 18 year old - in a crisis I would probably ask for her help over many middle aged people I know. She's very sensible and pragmatic, and never panics.

I'm still really enjoying planning a few silly treats that I will send her through the post though. Life without a bit of frivolity isn't living - it's just existing.

RainBow725 · 06/09/2021 19:12

@RainBow725

I asked one of DS friends who is going into second year and the only thing not already on this thread and I hadn't thought of was shopping bags. Another friend has just gone said no one in his flat took bags 😂 and there was no cutlery divider in the kitchen drawer but I really hope that's not normal!!
That should have said no one took BIN bags!
steppemum · 07/09/2021 08:56

by the way, ds says you are not allwoed over the door hangers on the main room door, as fire doors. His wardrobe has mirrror on the door, so they wouldn't work there either.

FirewomanSam · 07/09/2021 10:25

It’s so sad to me that so many people here see all this as infantilising or somehow meaning that students can’t take care of themselves.

I’ve sent care packages to friends who’ve had babies, containing various bits and bobs they might find useful. That doesn’t mean I think they’re not capable of buying their own muslins, it’s just a nice thoughtful thing to do. When friends have moved house I’ve sent them little bits to welcome them into their new home - again, doesn’t mean I think they can’t go shopping for themselves! This is no different, it’s just a nice thing to do to wish your children well in the next chapter of their lives. Too many grumpy cynical people on here!

steppemum · 13/09/2021 09:24

Thank you to whoever it was up thread who commented about making sure your kids know how to ask for help.

Ds and I went shopping and had a great time talking about what it will be like, and there was a good moment when I was able to talk to him about asking for help, and where to go, and the importance of asking. he has had really low moments over the years, and while he is better at coping now, he does still get low, so it was really good to have that conversation, and he promised me he would not sit in his room and suffer.
So thank you for prompting me to do that!

NeedWineNow · 17/09/2021 22:04

I'm amazed that people think it's stupid and it implies that students can't cope. We just did it as a completely tongue in cheek fun thing but our godson said he really appreciated it!

I also did something similar for my boss who had a sudden and unexpected diagnosis of breast cancer a few years ago and was whisked into hospital fairly sharpish. I made her up a box containing face and body wipes, eye mask, Evian spray, hand/bodycream, stick deodorant and small sizes of shampoo and conditioner and shower gel. DH, who knows her as well, went and got her a small box of luxurious chocs and a couple of glossy mags to take in too. She was so appreciative of it as they were things that it hadn't occurred to her to put in her hospital bag.

RainingYetAgain · 17/09/2021 22:42

One of those sponge bags which hang on a hook, if sharing a bathroom. A small tool kit, a drying rack and a sock drier. Lip salve, heavy duty hand cream. Copies of prescriptions including optician scripts.