To think I shouldn't be feeling this way... especially at 29?

[wheretoliveplz]

I'm a 29 year old single mum to an 8 year old and I feel like I have just totally let myself go. I am at my wits end and am so fed up of seeing other girls my age and feeling jealous because they look amazing and I just look awful.

I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2018 and now type 2 diabetes in January 2021. I am 5 foot 3 and 15 stone. I wear baggy clothes to hide my massive belly. I am covered with acne and either really dry or really oily skin. I am a student so am low on money so can't spend a lot on skincare.

I do no self care, I eat the wrong things all the time, very carb heavy. I don't know where to start with healthy eating. I start something then give up because I don't see a difference...I'm a week!

Skincare...I start but it always seems to make it worse so I give up. I try and cover up with make up but I feel like it doesn't hide it and am so embarrassed with my skin. I walk about unable to make eye contact with others because I'm so ashamed.

I was 9 stone just 4 years ago and I can't believe I have let myself go so much. I haven't had sex in two years as I can't imagine anyone finding me attractive as I'm so repulsed by myself.

I'm just at my wits end, it's as if I know what to do but am just so inpatient.

All the things online with skincare always tell me to moisturise but I tend to think my skin clears up when I don't. For instance I'm using cerave cleansing foam which has been great for my skin but I started to add in cerave moisturiser as my skin was a bit dry and the breakouts are horrendous again.

I have never felt so shit in my life about how I'm looking. I'm happy with every other aspect of my life except when I look in the mirror I literally want to claw my face off. People stare at me in public and it's because I'm so disgusting looking.

Can I please have some ideas of a self care regime? I just don't know where to start.

I usually skip breakfast but have been told this is the wrong thing to do? Is it? I don't even know how to eat normally anymore.

Bump

Hopefully someone will be along with great advice soon. You are really brave posting this and I promise you- you are 100% your worst critic. They won’t be staring because you look horrible.

Thank you for posting, I hope you get lots of tips - are you on any medication for the PCOS? I wonder if this could be affecting your skin

Oh wheretolivplz I hope someone comes along who can help you especially with skincare! Diet wise you have to start keeping a diary I use MyFitnessPal app which is free log in everything you are eating it keeps a track of calories in and any exercise. Start walking more drink lots of water I like it ice cold and add sugar free cordial if you don't like plain water!! Start eating breakfast it really helps you keep on track I also try 16:8 don't eat before 10 or after 6pm so you are fasting without thinking about it!! Loads of help on here various diets! But you have to eat less than you are atm! Good luck OP you've made the first step by reaching out you've got this 💪

With the skin thing you need to see your GP and they can prescribe you antibiotics and lotion which will help. Sometimes with skin it's not the skincare it needs medical intervention. They may actually be able to pay for a number of weeks at Weight Watchers too if you are overweight. I'm not sure what the criteria are for that but I know a few people who have done it. I dont normally advocate diet clubs but it might help get you into a routine and meet some new people.

I'm sure you are your own worse critic. It sounds like you're doing great as a mum and a student

I'm really sorry you're feeling so awful. I'm not sure AIBU is the best place as people can be a bit unkind and contentious sometimes - might be worth posting in Style & Beauty for the self care help, as people are normally very kind there and happy to advise on regimens.

Just to start things off - low cost products are fine, truly. There's only minimal (if any) benefit to the fancy stuff. I know it's very easy to think one isn't doing enough with a simple routine, but picking just one or two products and being consistent is generally best! I don't want to overwhelm you with lots of tips, but feel free to @ me (in S&B or here, anywhere's good) as I would be happy to chat more. I have some serious medical issues and know how tough it can be

Don't be so hard on yourself. And the bright side of being just 29 is that there is plenty of time to turn things around.

In terms of moisturing. Yes, it can make things worse if you are using a heavy moisturiser and/or your skin isn't deep down clean. Also, your diet will affect this. Drinking lots of water does wonders for skin and weight. Do you drink enough water?

29 can be a bad moment. Your life is not over!

I would stick to the skin regime that works for you. Trust your instinct. Online is bound to be one size fits all.

You lost weight before. It's really hard losing weight with little ones around. I do find myfitnesspal easiest - you can eat anything but it's obvious on it that I can have a huge plate of vegetables and some meat or fish and do fine.

Even a very short exercise routine done daily goes a very long way - I did a challenge to do 22 press ups for 22 days snd it was crazy how much easier it got. Try the same with situps? Better is getting out in the fresh air to walk etc.

www.healthline.com/health/pcos-acne

My DD is your age with PCOS - her skin and weight were two major issues for her.

You need to introduce some gentle exercise into your routine - a walk every day? Maybe progressing on to some gym classes - not all gyms are expensive, DH pays £15 a month for his. Personally you wouldn't get me near, I'd rather do longer walks!

Also, speak to your GP about seeing a consultant, which has helped DD hugely. Metformin has helped hugely, though it has to be prescribed by a consultant; the sooner you get on the list to see one the better.

The great thing is that at 8 your DD can take part in activities with you, and you can maybe start doing stuff together?

Take care of yourself - it's horrible when you have to deal with an illness that makes you feel rubbish.

Do you have any time in the day to start something like couch to 5k? I never believed it could actually work but it did! Or just adding in more walking or some home workouts. Maybe have a look on Instagram for some nice easy healthy recipes that sound nice. Also on skincare, please remember sometimes due to hormonal imbalances it really isn’t about the money spent on skincare. Maybe look into contacting your GP and trying something such as antibiotics or getting on the dermatology department waiting list particularly if your acne is cystic and sore. Small changes can definitely make a difference in how you’re feeling! Also chatting to GP if you’re feeling very down about support for that if you need it!

Have you looked at Team RH on Facebook? I’ve lost 3 stone on it because it’s actually a realistic amount of calories so you’re less likely to binge. As long as you put the work in you’ll lose on it and I like their no nonsense approach.

I agree you need to see your gp about your skin. I can’t give specific advice about your oily skin as I’ve got the opposite problem but in general I think keep your routine as simple as possible.

Keri/low carb and the weight will drop off and motivate you. Also it can be done cheaply. Eggs for breakfast, tuna Mayo with salad at lunch, chicken with mushrooms for tea - there are lots of great and affordable recipes. It forces you to eat more leafy vegetables which may also help your complexion (although I realise with pcos it is more complex than that). Good luck - you can so do this!

Thank you so much everyone! I should have mentioned, I am on 2000mg metformin however, I think with my bad diet it's not making a difference. I'm sure if I just got my head in the game and made better choices it would help. I need to exercise as it's still the summer holidays I find that I drop my daughter at school (we are in Scotland, she is back at school but I'm not back at uni until end of September) then I just lie on the couch until it's time to go get her. I know how unhealthy this is but I just can't motivate myself to get out and do it. I feel so ashamed as I'm wasting my life away.

I do drink lots of water, that is one thing I do do as I'm not a tea or coffee drinker, so water is my go to.

I'm going for an interview tomorrow for another volunteer role and I'm so worried that I'm going to be judged on how I look, dreading it.

I feel like I'm ready, I have finally reached my limit, I need to make a change and thank you to everyone for your words and good ideas.

For skin care the ordinary is cheap but very effective. In terms of weight, skin and pcos they are likely all linked. Have you considered intermittent fasting? If you already skip breakfast you might take quite well to it. Good luck and be proud of your achievements so far.

You’ve already done the hardest thing - drawing a line in the sand and saying that you’re ready to make a change!

Re: your skin, give the Eucerin in the pot a try. It’s the only thing that keeps my dryness at bay without causing spots. And it’s pretty cheap too.

You’ve got this.

@Cheesybiscuits01

For skin care the ordinary is cheap but very effective. In terms of weight, skin and pcos they are likely all linked. Have you considered intermittent fasting? If you already skip breakfast you might take quite well to it. Good luck and be proud of your achievements so far.

I started out heavier than you and am losing quite well with intermittent fasting. I'm actually combining two approaches

• fast days, where you eat a low number of calories
• 16:8 eating, so I only 8 within an 8 hour window even on my up days.

If you already skip breakfast then something like 16:8 might work quite well.

Can you pin point what changed in last four years (excluding pandemic) if you were sitting a steady weight above that. Also if your type 2 I'm sure your gp would help with weight loss support

@Hankunamatata is right. You should get support from your gp in losing weight as you are diabetic.
Also why don’t you get in the habit of going for a nice long walk after dropping your dd at school. It’s amazing the difference it makes to your state of mind. I never appreciated it until I got a dog.

I think it's great that you've decided to make a change. I think little things are helpful - perfume and clear nail varnish as a start, the mantra "I deserve better" if you think you're in danger of choosing harmful foods etc. You don't have to do it all at once but small changes - walking 10 mins more, drinking 2 glasses more water, getting up 10 mins earlier so you can do something you enjoy - these add up. And if your child can join in with a 5 minute dance or learning something new to cook then maybe it can become something fun for you both. But you are already making a change. Future you will thank you!

I second The Ordinary. I’d try Niacinamide - great for oily acne prone skin and unclogging pores and also hyalouronic acid to keep skin hydrated and soft. Use these daily and then perhaps a retinol treatment weekly. Cetaphil is a good low cost cleanser that’s not too harsh. I’ve struggled with acne on and off for years and these help. Only use moisturisers with no oil but definitely still use them. The mistake many make is stripping the skin too harshly which can aggravate acne and stress the rest of the skin.

If you have PCOS the acne is probably hormonal though so the above will help but not solve. My acne only ever completely goes when pregnant, breastfeeding or on the pill as it’s hormonal but it can be managed if not eradicated when none of the above apply! Can the GP help?

Certain foods could also be causing a flare up - sugar and dairy do it for me!

I know how crap acne is, I get terrible gigantic cysts on my chin which are impossible to hide and so humiliating.

Good luck with the interview and all of the above, sounds like you’re feeling pretty shit but are motivated ! Things can change.xxx

To help with the acne, I have PCOS and acne too. I have spent a small fortune and tried EVERYTHING to clear it. Recently started using la rouch-posay, their effaclar range. Just the cleanser and toner to start with twice a day then I added the duo+ moisturiser. It is a little pricey but it lasts ages. My recent facewash has lasted 3 months using it twice daily. I now only get the odd break out and it clears really fast. A little bit of retinol serum 2-3 times a week helps loads too, just make sure you use an spf daily with the retinol as it makes your skin more sensitive to uv rays. You can buy a cheap retinol from boots, superdrug etc so it won't break the bank.

Today is a great day because it is such a pivotal day. You have faced and overcome so many challenges. This one is just a blip - and you have reached out. The next simple step is to take action. You need a clear plan.

I really recommend Six Pack Reveloution (do not be put off by the name). They will teach you how to eat to fuel your body, what exercise to do - and it’s two simple challenges a week that you can do at home and give you a support system through Facebook. If you do it, it will be a 75 day reset that you can keep building on.

The September start closes soon but google it and see x

I have type 2 and I am well on my way to reversing it.

Metformin 2 tablets twice per day. Side effects wear off so stick with it.

Breakfast
Greek yogurt (not low fat - low fat has higher carb) with berries and occasionally a sprinkle of low sugar granola

Lunch
Soup
Smoked salmon witb cream cheese
Ham and cheese with veggies
Poached egg

Dinner
Bolognaise
Stir fry
Steak and salad

I drink water, coffee with almond breeze unsweetened almond milk.

Alcohol I stick to gin and low sugar fever tree tonic.

If i’m hungry I have some fruit. My basic rule is carb at lunch or dinner - not both. I make my own sourdough and that seems to be better for my blood sugar levels.

Skin
Cleanse with cerave sa cleanser
Curel moisture milk

Nightime
Differin gel - online acne clinic on boots. Takes a few months to work but is great. Clesnse face with cerave. Dry skin. Apply differin, wait at least half an hour before putting anything else on your skin. I also have PCOS so I know what a pain it is.