To think I shouldn't be feeling this way... especially at 29?

[wheretoliveplz]

I'm a 29 year old single mum to an 8 year old and I feel like I have just totally let myself go. I am at my wits end and am so fed up of seeing other girls my age and feeling jealous because they look amazing and I just look awful.

I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2018 and now type 2 diabetes in January 2021. I am 5 foot 3 and 15 stone. I wear baggy clothes to hide my massive belly. I am covered with acne and either really dry or really oily skin. I am a student so am low on money so can't spend a lot on skincare.

I do no self care, I eat the wrong things all the time, very carb heavy. I don't know where to start with healthy eating. I start something then give up because I don't see a difference...I'm a week!

Skincare...I start but it always seems to make it worse so I give up. I try and cover up with make up but I feel like it doesn't hide it and am so embarrassed with my skin. I walk about unable to make eye contact with others because I'm so ashamed.

I was 9 stone just 4 years ago and I can't believe I have let myself go so much. I haven't had sex in two years as I can't imagine anyone finding me attractive as I'm so repulsed by myself.

I'm just at my wits end, it's as if I know what to do but am just so inpatient.

All the things online with skincare always tell me to moisturise but I tend to think my skin clears up when I don't. For instance I'm using cerave cleansing foam which has been great for my skin but I started to add in cerave moisturiser as my skin was a bit dry and the breakouts are horrendous again.

I have never felt so shit in my life about how I'm looking. I'm happy with every other aspect of my life except when I look in the mirror I literally want to claw my face off. People stare at me in public and it's because I'm so disgusting looking.

Can I please have some ideas of a self care regime? I just don't know where to start.

I usually skip breakfast but have been told this is the wrong thing to do? Is it? I don't even know how to eat normally anymore.

When you start eating better your skin will get better.

Start with a ton of fruit and veg, whole foods.. avoid things that have been prepared in a packet. Drink lots and lots of water.

Hi OP

I have PCOS and am a similar weight to you.

Only thing that helped my acne was roaccutane.

I lost a stone and a half before conceiving and the only thing that helped was eating as if I'm diabetic (I'm not but as you'll know your body reacts in a similar way when you have PCOS, and I see you've recently been diagnosed with it). So basically eating lower carb with a focus on keeping my blood sugar steady. This helped curb my binge eating.

However I'm most definitely no expert as I only got so far with the weight loss before conceiving and I'm now roughly half way through my pregnancy. I'm hoping to not put on too much over the course of my pregnancy and then go back to eating to control my blood sugar after I give birth.

Good luck! It is so hard. You can be referred to a dietician on the NHS if you request it with your GP.

Have a look at the Fast800 group on Facebook, there are lots of inspirational stories on there. Even if you decide you want to lose weight in another way, it is nice to see people of all ages and sizes achieving their goals, and a lot are dealing with similar issues to you.

I have started to incorporate movement/exercise into my day, by allowing myself to sit and do nothing if I also do something else, so I can sit and MN if I go up and down the stairs five times, I can watch a programme on TV if I do the same, I can have a nap if I do the same. Yes it is boring, but it is free and easily accessible and I don't need to wear special clothing.

Sorry my above comment should read that I see you've recently been diagnosed with diabetes.

I have combination skin and use pixi vitamin c cleanser and L’Oréal hydra genius twice a day. I also use the botanics range for stressed skin (particularly the overnight masks). All effective but you have to experiment to find the right products really.

I find it hard to have motivation to eat healthily and exercise so I find a visual helps, either a step counter so I can set a target or try to beat the previous day. Recently I’ve tried to cut down on sugar so add the spoonfuls to a tub every time I make a healthy choice e.g no sugar in my drink or an apple rather than a chocolate bar seeing how much I’ve avoided helps to keep me going!

I'm just a year older than you and feeling pretty much the same. I've really let myself go over the past few years, my weight is creeping up and I just look like a mess all of the time. I got my hair done on Friday for the first time in years and it cost a lot of money (to me) but it has made me feel so much better and confident so if you can get your hair done I would advise trying that. Next step I'm going to get my eyebrows threaded.

I need to get some new clothes I'm always in hoodies and leggings but I don't like buying clothes because I'm so self conscious of my weight. I see loads of people my size and bigger who look amazing in whatever they are wearing but I would just look like an idiot if I tried to dress nice I've a weird body shape.

I also just laze about the house on my days off when my children are at school. I moan constantly about my weight and how I need to sort it, I'm going to go out big walks, exercise on my days off etc then it comes to it and I'm too lazy.

I'll be following this thread for some advice I need some motivation.

Sorry that sounds stupid saying I advise getting your hair done. What I mean is on top of all my other hang ups this was one of the main things things made me feel self conscious. Since having that done it's made me feel I look a bit tidier overall but now I need to sort the rest of myself out as there's no point having nice hair if I'm just to be scruffy everywhere else .

If you do find it quite easy to skip breakfast then you might want to try intermittent fasting. I found it works really well with lowish carb. You could listen to Gin Stephens Intermittent Fasting Stories Podcasts and see what you think.

It's about small steps Pivot. If OP starts with a 30 minute walk every day - also I've just found podcasts which I listen to whilst walking - stops me getting bored!

@ajandjjmum

It's about small steps Pivot. If OP starts with a 30 minute walk every day - also I've just found podcasts which I listen to whilst walking - stops me getting bored!

Yes definitely small steps. I've never listened to podcasts before but I've been thinking about getting headphones and listening to them while I'm working as I get bored so would also be good to do when out walking as well.

Your weight and height mean you’ll have a high BMI. This, plus the diabetes, may make you eligible for Saxenda - the weight loss jab - on the NHS. Ask your GP about it as it could really help you lose the weight and may even reverse the diabetes.
If you’re not eligible, your GP should refer you to a weight loss clinic with regular support and practical help. You don’t have to do this on your own - there is definitely help out there x

Junk food can badly affect your skin, as well as your body. and you need to drink plenty of water all the time to improve your skin.. It's a long slog to get fit again. and look better. But you have to have a big change of plan regarding eating habits, Results will happen eventually,if you can be determined in changing some habits.

I just want to say I've been where you are with regards to my skin, it's been the bane of my life since my early teens. I eventually went on dianette aged 22 and it changed my life, however, I'm still left with large pores and oily skin and until I started using tropic I would have gotten break outs but because of my large pores and scarring it made face look shit. I use their smoothing cleanser moisturiser and their moisturiser. I was using their blue lagoon serum and swore this was the biggest game changer but after I ran out if it I realised my skin stayed pretty much the same with the cleanser and moisturiser (which is good as the serum is expensive.) If your skin is not reacting well to a moisturiser I can guarantee you are using the wrong one. It shouldn't make your skin any more greasy, and not using moisturiser actually makes your skin drier which in turn makes it produce more oil, I know this because I've tried it! I used to use simple moisturiser and my face would be oil slicked a few hours later, I remember going to NYC and on the flight having to use blotting paper as my face was like it had been dipped in a chip pan. Tropic isn't super expensive, but as a student it might be a bit out of your price range but at the same time it's worth it. However there probably are cheaper alternatives, I never tried a lot as the ones I
did try never made my skin better and some things made it worse.The only reason I discovered the tropic is my sister who has similar skin to me started using it. Silver serum was another thing I found to be very good at clearing up acne and its cheaper than tropic but it won't help with the oily skin. And of course there's obviously the dianette pill which for me was a miracle drug, I had no side effects from taking it either but I know some women do from the pill so are reluctant. I just wanted to suggest some of the things that have helped me, my skin is by no means perfect now as the acne left some scarring but there's a big improvement and its helped my confidence a great deal.

OK you are doing a university course, yes? So you have a plan and a goal. Well, you need to start seeing your health in the same way: it's a bloody hard challenge and you ARE going to rise to it.

The diet for PCOS and for T2 diabetes are essential the same -- low carb. It's bloody hard to wean off carbs but the thing to hold in your mind is that millions of people have done it.

There are literally millions out there who now follow zero carb, Atkins, keto, caveman, paleo and other low carb regimes. Many of them were hooked on junk and yet they did it.

I know how hard it is to get motivated, but you are right, your young life is slipping away and you are not able to enjoy life to the full because of your poor health.

I wish you the best of luck.

I can relate OP.

Regarding the acne - I had awful hormonal acne last year. I know it's hormonal as I suffer terribly with PMS and cycle related problems. I tried various creams and serums but nothing helped and everything seemed to make it worse.

Moisturiser just doesn't agree with me, not even the light ones for sensitive skin.

What helped the most was prescription Duac gel from my doctors (clindamycin and benzoyl peroxide) as basic old acnecide did nothing - plus - bizarrely, dove soap.

The sensitive, fragrance free one in the light blue packaging.

The dove soap has been the game changer for me and I no longer have cystic acne at all. I get the odd whitehead every now and then, usually when I get complacent and use moisturiser, but my skin is 99% clearer than it was.

I feel for you OP, you're certainly not alone. Like a PP my acne has only ever gone away when pregnant/breastfeeding and weight is a struggle.
The problem with PCOS/type 2 is you get stuck in a vicious cycle where the more unbalanced your hormones are, the more weight you put on and it gets worse and worse. I find it helps remembering how easy it is to gain weight because of PCOS - doesn't mean I can't change it but makes me feel less guilty for the times it goes up. Regular meals are really important, and low carb or at least low GI can help - have a look at glycemicindex.com/. Also if you haven't come across it, Verity the PCOS charity has looks of info and support. I also rate diabetes UK, although I know a lot of people don't - lots of info and advice and helpful forums. Good luck with making some small changes, it really does make a difference.

I see someone else has recommended the Fast 800 diet and I would absolutely second that. I found that the Fast 800 recipe book is a great and simple place to start. I personally used meal replacement shakes - my brand of choice is Freesoul as it is very well supplemented and it does actually taste nice. I felt great and genuinely not hungry. I’d recommend having shakes for breakfast and lunch, midweek and then finding healthy evening and weekend meals that you can eat with your 8 year old. It gets you away from overthinking what to eat if you just keep it really simple.

Promise yourself some skincare treats each time you hit a milestone. Changing what you eat will also improve your skin no end.

A family member completely reversed their type 2 diabetes using this sort of method. Good luck.

Slim and save + Skin & Me.
The former is the first diet I have ever stuck to, and has worked amazingly.
The latter will completely sort out your skin, all you need is a cheap cleanser and moisturiser.

Don't be so hard on yourself, I know it's hard though!

Skincare: join Caroline Hirons Skincare Freaks on Facebook. It's a skincare geek group, no one is selling anything, but they will advise. I use The Ordinary which has done my skin so much good HOWEVER you do need to stick to a new regime for a few weeks. Initial breakouts aren't uncommon.

Re: breakfast no you shouldn't skip it. Oats are your friend, and you'll also be setting your DC a good example for a healthy relationship with food.

I think the most important thing is to try and be kind to yourself. You're studying, parenting and have medical reasons that your skin and weight are more of a struggle. Work on your happiness and self esteem first and foremost.

Truly wishing you all the best.

I know how you feel, I think I let myself go after my second dc was born. I lost myself, didn't know what I like/don't like fashion wise and seemed to lose all sense of style. I have always suffered with my skin. Some days I wouldn't have time to brush my hair or put make up on and would go out having not looked in the mirror.

Things I did to get me out my rut:

• signed up to skin and me online, they send me stuff based on photos and my descriptions and I have never had skin so good. I have spent £000 over the years and now I spend £20 a month!

-give my skin a break- don't wear makeup everyday when around the house. I never felt confident going out without make up before.

• started running- just doing something for myself. This got me fit and I lost the weight pretty easily. Plus it was great for my mental health.
• took the time to make more effort for myself. Getting ready properly.
• looked online at outfits I did like or people who I think and well dressed and copied their style. Spending more money on nice clothes rather than loads of cheap ones. Learning what does and doesn't suit me.

Why don't you come and join us on the weight loss threads. I joined ones the other day called 'lockdown stones to lose.'

I can relate to now knowing what is healthy any more - I've tried so many diets over the years!! I'm starting with small changes such as eggs for breakfast and adding more vegetables to my diet. I'm drinking more water too. Do you have a Fitbit? Aim for 10,000 plus steps a day. These are small changes which will add up if you're consistent. Now I just have to take me own advice 😃

Two things I’ve found helped me 1. Dermalogica face wash used to keep my acne under control and 2. Slimming world, doesn’t suit everyone but it can be really supportive I’ve found it good. Maybe worth a try? Stay strong you’ve got age on your side!

OP sorry you are going through such a rough time! I'm a PT and often find literally 3 simple rules works - for example

1. putting on music at home and dancing in your front room for 30 mins a day (I had a 2nd hand exercise bike for 20 years that I use for home workouts in front of the TV!)
2. going to the GP and making sure you know exactly what you need to do to manage diabetes as effectively as you can and also seeing if the acne requires medication
3. Start taking vitamin and mineral supplements and a good probiotic. If you aren't caring for yourself from the inside out, all the skin problems will stay.

The key is to tick the first 3 off, then add another one when they become part of life, eg Cut Out takeouts, or add an afternoon walk outside, or a self care act every evening like a hot bath...

To lose the weight you will need to change your diet. Can you start by making some at home versions of any takeaway meals you like eg chicken and chips but done in the oven and using breast meat? There are lots of ideas on line if you google healthy home made takeaway. Have a side salad with every meal. Vegetarian meals such as Dahl and curries are often low in fat and very filling. The bbc good food website Dahl with sweet potato and spinach is my go to. Also homemade soups. Aim to try one new recipe a week.
If you eat lots of sweets and chocolate the only way to deal with it is not to have them in the house.

Aim to get your 5 a day
For exercise, walking is definitely a great place to start. If you would like to try some home work outs I like MadFit and Chloe ting on YouTube. Choose the low impact options. Also try some yoga

Hope the interview went well