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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much childfree time is too much?

27 replies

Seaglass87 · 29/08/2021 09:52

I have a 2.5 year old and following breastfeeding and lockdown I've started to try and get a bit of a life back for myself.
My Mum has made comments about me always being busy and implied I have too much child free time.
The care rarely falls on her (we have 5 groups of people who ASK to have her) so I don't think it's because of this and her feeling I put too much on her?
I don't think my time away from my daughter is excessive, but obviously opinions vary so I'm looking for some varying perspectives on what time other parents have away from their child/ children?
For info I normally see friends once every 3 weeks and my husband and I have a date night once every 4 to 6 weeks.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/08/2021 09:54

If that’s your child free time I don’t see the issue- regardless it’s no ones business

LordOfTheThings · 29/08/2021 09:55

So you're away from your child about twice a month? That's not enough! You need to have some time to yourself, if you want it.

Toodlydoo · 29/08/2021 09:56

Tbh as long as she’s happy I don’t see the problem. How much actual time are you away from her? Your post doesn’t sound like its much.

OUB1974 · 29/08/2021 09:57

I thought you were going to say 3 or 4 nights a week! No, I think it's really important to have child free time and it's not really your mum's business if you're not asking her to help out. Enjoy your time to yourself. X

Waxonwaxoff0 · 29/08/2021 09:58

I'm divorced, I've spent 2 weeks of August child free when DS is at his dad's. You get judged either way I find. It's no one else's business.

Teacupsandtoast · 29/08/2021 10:01

2 nights a month? Flip no, that's not too much. Get some weekend daytime child free time in there too - you'll be a better mother for it

Original poster
Seaglass87 · 29/08/2021 12:11

Thank you everyone. I was really nervous to post in case I found out I was a selfish Mum. It's so hard to know what the right balance is, especially when you're being criticised for it by your own Mum.

OP posts:
MattyGroves · 29/08/2021 12:14

Are you a SAHM? If so, that sounds like very little child free time.

AlexaShutUp · 29/08/2021 12:17

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this. Some people will want/need more time away from their kids than others, and that's fine. We're all different, and we all need to do whatever is necessary to maintain our own mental and physical wellbeing. As long as your dc is well cared for when you're not around, it really isn't anyone else's business.

PopcornMuncher · 29/08/2021 12:18

Is she the type of person who thinks that after you give birth you should never ever have any time to yourself until your child is 18Hmm

If she doesn't want to take care of your DC thats fine but none of her business what other people do (as long as you're not putting undue pressure on anyone but it doesn't sound like you are)

MojoMoon · 29/08/2021 12:19

How much child-free time does your husband get?
I would say the correct answer to how much is the right amount is equal with him.

Ihaveaquestion77 · 29/08/2021 12:21

When you said you had five people offering childcare I thought you were going to say you went away every weekend. You hardly sound like you have any child free time tbh. If you're out in the evenings surely she doesn't even know you're gone anyway?!

BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 12:27

None of her business

monogoo · 29/08/2021 12:28

So you at most have 2 evenings away a month & spend the rest of your free time with her. I'm not sure why you're mum thinks that.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 29/08/2021 12:30

Your mum is either judgy or slightly jealous
It sounds like you have a really good balance.
I am pregnant and while anything cam happen!! Intend to have more child free time than you describe

TheYearOfSmallThings · 29/08/2021 12:33

You could use a bit more free time if anything! Accept the offers of childcare and enjoy yourself.

WaterBottle123 · 29/08/2021 12:36

That's nowhere near enough! Your mum is nuts.

I have a night out every week and generally an afternoon every few weeks and a weekend every 6 weeks.

Thirstquenching · 29/08/2021 12:36

My inlaws take our son every Sunday afternoon and that is the only child free time we get.

I have a weeks annual leave at work coming up and he is still in school and tbh I can't wait to enjoy my holiday the way I want and not have to be constantly thinking up activities/days out and making picnics

HelloMissus · 29/08/2021 12:36

Some people - most often women - seem to think a mother should be surgically attached to her children.
They rarely expect this of men.

Oblomov21 · 29/08/2021 12:45

Your mum is nuts. It would be rare to meet a mum who has 'too much'. I have lots and even then it's never enough.

icedcoffees · 29/08/2021 12:46

I would say twice a month is nowhere near enough child-free time.

Hopdathelf · 29/08/2021 12:46

That’s insane. Two nights per month is nothing. You should be having way more. Don’t let her judge you.

Cirin · 29/08/2021 12:53

I remember an older, miserable colleague once said she couldn't believe I went to the gym instead of being with my children, who are both over 9. Yes, Karen, they're traumatised by me getting home from work an hour later twice a week. To her, motherhood was martyrdom. Had a useless DH who never did any parenting, of course, and didn't understand the concept of one that did.

My mum makes a cat bum face at the idea of women having interests and hobbies and jobs when there's sitting at home being bored out of your tree to do.

Some people are just too stuck in their ways to realise the world's moved on. They're bores. I don't even talk to people like that any more, it's like trying to have a conversation with a Victorian chatbot.

billy1966 · 29/08/2021 13:08

With a mother like that who needs enemies.

Pull back from her.
Tell her nothing.
If she says something again, tell her
A) I didn't ask your opinion
B) It's none of YOUR business
C) I shan't call again if you do.

She needs to butt out of your business.

I repeat.

Tell her nothing.

I doubt this isn't the only time she had been negative in your life.

Oh and that is very very little free time IMO.
Flowers

ellyeth · 29/08/2021 13:26

that sounds like not enough child free time to me.