Mumsnet attitude to strippers

[4Barmhouse]

Another thread this week about someone 's partner visiting a stripclub and the strong views were out. I used to work as a hen night stripper (male), part time while at uni and that was all considered acceptable AIBU to think why this double standard!?

Male strippers are seen as a bit of a joke. Men aren’t viewed as sex objects in society generally, they don’t get leered at in the street and there are fewer incidences of male rape. There are also fewer incidences of women violently beating and killing men. These things contribute to women still being viewed as subservient and when men are paying women to take their clothes off and dance for their pleasure, then this can be viewed as seedy. In male strip clubs, it’s more of a silly show, there aren’t usually private dances, and men aren’t viewed as subservient. I don’t think you can really compare the two.

4Barmhouse

Mind if I ask, was it common for you or your colleagues to be touched (whether wanted or not), propositioned for sex, scratched or bitten etc?

I kind of get you but also PP. I used to work in a nightclub next door to a strip club and we shared a smoking area. I chatted to the girls every night and it wasn't as seedy as people seem to think, they enjoyed it, no coercion, no violence etc. However I understand that def is out there in some places, am just saying it's not always like that

How many male strippers are trafficked and pimped out?

I think male strippers are/were unacceptable too. Agree with Pp though that men are not typically objectified too and the power differential is very different. PLUS, the only male stripper I have been to was spraying cream on women and licking it off, big erection and clearly for him. Totally rank in my view.

I agree with pp that men stripping for women is probably seen as a bit of a laugh, hen party type thing, where as women stripping for men is seen as subservient and them having to do it for money. Not as a choice, a bit like prostitution.

I think it's all seedy and cringey, both male and female. I'd rather die than go and watch a male strip show.

Although you can't deny that there is a power imbalance between men and women so in a way it is different. Females working in the sex/stripping industry are at a far higher risk of things like violence and addiction.

@Miliao

Male strippers are seen as a bit of a joke. Men aren’t viewed as sex objects in society generally, they don’t get leered at in the street and there are fewer incidences of male rape. There are also fewer incidences of women violently beating and killing men. These things contribute to women still being viewed as subservient and when men are paying women to take their clothes off and dance for their pleasure, then this can be viewed as seedy. In male strip clubs, it’s more of a silly show, there aren’t usually private dances, and men aren’t viewed as subservient. I don’t think you can really compare the two.

Exactly this.

I've never known anyone order a male stripper except as basically a prank - to embarrass someone and have a laugh. It's not a sexual thing at all. One of my friends had a hen night in a male strip club and we went and basically spent the whole time varying between laughing and cringing.

As opposed to when men see female strippers, when it very much is a sexual thing.

Although I don't feel great about either male or female strippers tbh.

Because its more of a female job and women tend to only go for hens, not as a group outing. Particularly frustrating being excluded from team bonding sessions becaude lads want to go to strip clubs or take clients there.

Thw onky hen i went to where there was a male stripper blindfolded the bride and coerced her into touching his cock.

Ill admit it's bit everyone's experience but it was horrible.

Male strippers are a sideshow act, a point and laugh, a punchline. Female strippers are part of a culture that objectifies and commodifies
female bodies and female sexuality and directly contributes to sex trafficking, sexual abuse and rape. HTH.

*Can I please add that I didn't know it was a strip club when I went along to the hen night or I would NOT have attended, and it was in another city a couple of hours drive away, and we had a private van booked home for late at night after the event, so I couldn't leave. Or I would have! I feel this is an important statement

And FYI i don't like either. It commodifies women in particular.

I enjoy that your two posts ever are this one and one from 2019 asking about a poster paying tax

It's all to do with who has the power.

In a broadly able-bodied community, the majority of strippers being disabled would be exploitative.

In a largely white community, the majority of strippers being poc would be exploitative.

In a largely patriarchal society, the vast majority of sex workers being female is exploitative.

And even when safe options exist for women to do sex work on their own terms (eg onlyfans) it gets stopped by people higher up the chain.

@Snoozysnoozy

4Barmhouse

Mind if I ask, was it common for you or your colleagues to be touched (whether wanted or not), propositioned for sex, scratched or bitten etc?

Fairly common yes but not full on biting if you get me.

Me and DH were talking about this recently. We were talking about a stag do where someone kept asking to hire a stripper, DH said he finds it really creepy but couldn’t put his finger on why when he doesn’t find women having a male stripper creepy.

I said I think it’s more to do with there being a power imbalance. One woman and a group of men, she’s obviously more at risk of any kind violence or inappropriate behaviour towards her, whereas a male stripper with a group of women he’s not at risk in the same way.

DH said he sees male strippers as something done for more of a joke whereas female strippers are leered at more and the men are more likely to touch them etc.

@Shirleyphallus

I enjoy that your two posts ever are this one and one from 2019 asking about a poster paying tax

Name change fail lol fantastic. I've a much more reputable job these days lol

@Shirleyphallus

I enjoy that your two posts ever are this one and one from 2019 asking about a poster paying tax

Name change

Events with male strippers seem to be humorous, flirty, good natured. Women may say rude stuff, squeal and laugh, maybe get a bit handsy, but it all seems really jokey and light hearted with a female audience.

A male audience tends to be horny and lecherous. It's a very different vibe.

I can understand women being happy to do it in a good club where they are well looked after. It's still a totally different thing from stripping for a female audience. Just as burlesque is different, with a mixed audience.

In (most) clubs with female strippers there's strictly no touching.

However when I've been to see a popular UK male strip show, when they come and do the lap dances they take your hands and put them on their chests/bums. So you're encouraged to touch! 😄 (although you can politely decline if you wish and they move on to someone else - I've seen this happen and they're not dickheads about it at all)

I guess the theory is that the male strippers don't feel threatened by drunk women, whereas if a drunk man was feeling up a female stripper it would ring alarm bells.

Pretty shite to read comments calling male strippers a ‘side show act’ and pretty much exonerating women’s lascivious reactions as just a bit of lighthearted fun. I used to be a female lap dancer, I’ve worked with male strippers and they have to put up with a lot under the guise of ‘lighthearted fun’. I always had security or a doorman looking out for me, I’ve never seen that with male strippers- being completely inappropriately groped seemed to be fair game for men and would have resulted in the man being thrown out of the club if the same happened to me. It’s an absolute double standard. We should protect and respect all of those who work in the sexual entertainment industry the same.

If you can't see the difference between men getting their kit off for a hen party and women stripping and doing private dances in a lap club, you're a moron.
Double standard my arse.

Also some of the worst experiences I’ve had as a lap dancer actually involved dancing for women who thought they could push boundaries further and did some things that made me feel really uncomfortable. One woman came in with no underwear on and then opened her legs wide in a tiny dress and tried to move my hand towards her crotch, when that didn’t work she tried to grind on me. It was really difficult as if it had been a man I would have got security involved immediately but I felt completely blindsided dealing with a woman in that way and just kept avoiding her advances until the time was up. Not all men who have go to see strippers are salavating perverts and not all women are just up for a lighthearted laugh. We shouldn’t try and downplay anyone’s lived experiences male or female

@4Barmhouse

Another thread this week about someone 's partner visiting a stripclub and the strong views were out. I used to work as a hen night stripper (male), part time while at uni and that was all considered acceptable AIBU to think why this double standard!?

I suppose the reason for the double standard is that it seems like a bit of a role reversal when women are objectifying men? When you are used to men catcalling you in the street, boys pinging your bra straps at school etc maybe it doesn’t seem so bad to leer at a man? Still a bit grim though either way, and I wouldn’t want to see a male stripper (partly because it sounds awkward, partly because I would be too aware of the hypocrisy, and partly because, despite fancying individual men, I have no desire to ogle a random one in public tbh)

@KatesMott

Also some of the worst experiences I’ve had as a lap dancer actually involved dancing for women who thought they could push boundaries further and did some things that made me feel really uncomfortable. One woman came in with no underwear on and then opened her legs wide in a tiny dress and tried to move my hand towards her crotch, when that didn’t work she tried to grind on me. It was really difficult as if it had been a man I would have got security involved immediately but I felt completely blindsided dealing with a woman in that way and just kept avoiding her advances until the time was up. Not all men who have go to see strippers are salavating perverts and not all women are just up for a lighthearted laugh. We shouldn’t try and downplay anyone’s lived experiences male or female

And this sounds horrendous, no idea why anyone thinks it’s acceptable to sexually assault strippers