An actual AIBU - would you do this?

[Surewhynot]

DH has a meeting type event which he has to drive about 30 miles across London for once a week. One of the other members lives about 20 mins away from us and has started regularly asking DH for a lift, but if DH can’t take him for whatever reason, the guy will just refuse to go. DH doesn’t like taking him because it adds extra time to the journey to pick him up and drop him off. Also, apparently the guy just falls asleep and snores the whole way in the passenger seat.

To avoid a drip feed, the guy is a family friend and DH has known him since he was a child but they are not close, IYSWIM.

DH is super easy going and feels a bit guilty about not wanting to take him but is equally annoyed at the expectation. The guy basically doesn’t want to drive himself there (or offer DH a lift instead) even though he’s retired because he’s a bit lazy and doesn’t want to pay for petrol. He’s quite happy to go if someone takes him but he won’t go under his own steam unless absolutely forced to.

Last week, he asked DH again for a lift and DH made an excuse. But in the same conversation, he asked again for the coming week and when DH told him he couldn’t, the guy was apparently a bit put out and made a comment along the lines of ‘well, I can’t miss every week, can I?’

I’m much less nice about piss-takers and told DH that it’s this guy’s problem if he doesn’t want to get there himself. He owns more than one car and absolutely does not have money troubles or any kind of disability. DH shouldn’t feel like he has to take him.

The subject came up with MiL today (she knows the guy too) and she thinks that DH is being mean and should just take him as he’s going there anyway. She thinks I’m being unreasonable for saying that DH shouldn’t take him to the meeting. I don’t think I am. So, AIBU?

How far out of his way is it?

What's the public transport like? You're in London. It's an m25 job?

Has DH said we can take it in turns to drive?

Are there no consequences for this guy if he just doesn't go to the meeting?

In all honesty 1 car driving across London is better than 2. And if there's public transport why not use that? I mean m25 job or n/ s circ yeah but not through town surely?

But yeah this guy is being a dick.

when DH told him he couldn’t, the guy was apparently a bit put out and made a comment along the lines of ‘well, I can’t miss every week, can I?’

The sheer sense of entitlement he has would mean I would never give this fucker a lift.

The dynamics of your relationship sound very similar to my DH and I.

He hates telling anyone "No" especially if he is not putting himself out too much to help, whereas I am just like you OP and the cheeky fuckery of it and the fact that DH was clearly being taken advantage of would really grind my gears!

Ultimately, your DH is a grown man and it is his decision. If he is quietly seething then that is on him, nowt to do with you as we say in these parts :)

It's even less business of your MIL who, as so many PP's have already stated would very firmly be told to either take him herself or keep her beak and opinions to herself.

This chap is lazy, entitled, and cheap. All the stress of going there and dropping off, added onto the journey, and an unpleasant companion snoring away on the return trip would grind one's gears. Giving someone a lift like this on a regular basis would be bad for your DH's health. I wouldn't do it. When you get that feeling, it is a clue it's not good for you.

Tell the guy he can have a lift but only to and from your place or somewhere along the way

After your update @Surewhynot about the CF getting to yours - if he can't drive can he use public transport for that journey?
With regards to him then ducking out going on his week to drive. DH should say "ok see you next week, I took us both last week, fine if you're not coming this week, but it is still your turn to drive us both next week". Maybe... CF will get the idea he is expected to share the driving.

They should alternate driving imo

Your MIL can take him if she’s that bothered!

I wouldn’t take him anyway after that comment.

So, a bit of an update to this. ST asked DH for a lift last week and DH said no but did ask why he couldn’t drive himself seeing as he has more than one car.

ST claimed that one of the cars was in the garage and his wife needed the other one. DH did call bullshit on this by saying ‘but they’ve had it for weeks, haven’t they?’ and ST basically hummed and haa’d and changed the subject. He then asked AGAIN this week and unfortunately DH had to take him because ST had a laptop that they needed at the meeting and DH didn’t want to risk him just not turning up.

He said ST’s parting shot as he got out of the car was ‘same time next week?’ and he actually said ‘no, I’m not giving you a lift every week’ but thinks that ST pretended not to hear.

It’s quite funny because DH can be properly stubborn when he wants to be but ST is oblivious to refusals so I sense a battle of wills approaching.

Please change Snoring Tightwad to Sly Twat.

Are you sure that he hasn't lost his license on medical grounds or something and doesn't want to say? However even if that was the case then he'll have to put up with public transport or get his wife to drop him at yours.

Or maybe a driving offence??

I don’t believe it’s a driving offence as he would have said. I really do think that he’s just tight and a bit lazy and is trying to avoid the petrol money/effort.

Keep us posted OP. I thoroughly dislike people like him.

Thanks, OP. Love an update!

I think you need to start a hobby near where this guy lives. Then you can drop DP off at his house and pick him back from there afterwards.

He sounds a bloody nightmare! Don’t get why he’s not embarrassed