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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to my grandmas 80th birthday party tomorrow?

30 replies

hoomans · 28/08/2021 08:39

I work in a care setting and we have had
4 residents and two staff members test positive for covid yesterday despite being vaccinated. I'm have been in fairly close contact with all of them with the relevant PPE on obviously but I still feel I may be a risk. My mum has just had a massive rant at me saying I'm ruining everything and how it's just a mild cold and it doesn't matter because people are vaccinated anyway and that she's not going either then. I've already cancelled on lunch with a friend today as I told her the situation and she agreed it would probably be best to rearrange. One of my aunties has a one week old granddaughter and I feel it's probably just best that I stay away. She said that if I can go out to a shopping centre today then I'm hypocritical. Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
hoomans · 28/08/2021 08:40

Friend is pregnant by the way.

OP posts:
happytoday73 · 28/08/2021 08:41

What does your gran want you to do... I would follow that direction.
Shane you are getting flack for trying yo do the right thing..

Ughmaybenot · 28/08/2021 08:43

I think this is absolutely your choice, of course, and I can certainly see why you would want to give it a miss. If not going feels like the right thing to do for you, please don’t feel pressured into it by your mum, charming lady, saying you’re ‘ruining everything’ Confused Stick to your guns.

onelittlefrog · 28/08/2021 08:47

Unfortunately sometimes people are silly and need protecting from themselves. I wouldn't go either and actually it's nothing to do with your mum, it's your grandma you need to talk to.

strawberrydonuts · 28/08/2021 08:48

Arrange with your grandma to go over for a nice birthday cuppa and cake or something, once you are in the all clear. She may like that more anyway as she'll get one on one time with you.

ShingleBeach · 28/08/2021 09:11

Why on earth would your Mum say she won’t go either?

If I was another guest, had a baby etc, I would be grateful for your carefulness.

Talk directly to your gran. It is her business and yours, not your Mum’s.

Mantlemoose · 28/08/2021 09:13

I agree with your friend. If I thought I was any risk to anyone I wouldn't go anywhere apart from home after work.

KingdomScrolls · 28/08/2021 09:15

I think you're right not to go because of the risk to others, but why doesn't that risk apply to people also visiting the shopping centre??

KarmaStar · 28/08/2021 09:19

Guess your grandma is vaccinated op?
If talk to her,let her make the choice.it's difficult as some 80 years olds are vibrant and fit,some are ill,some are frail and vulnerable so that would bear weight in my decision if I were you.

Porcupineintherough · 28/08/2021 09:19

@KingdomScrolls because the shopping centre will have quite a few people in it that have active coronavirus anyway? Because sitting in an enclosed space w your gran and chatting for hours puts her at elevated risk?

KingdomScrolls · 28/08/2021 09:21

@Porcupineintherough that's quite a selfish approach, other people must have it so doesn't matter if I add to the mix even though I am aware of my increased likelihood of transmission, and not my gran not my problem....

GintyMcGinty · 28/08/2021 09:22

Take a test and if clear then go.

Original poster
hoomans · 28/08/2021 09:22

I've had a negative test this week so I wouldn't say I'm a 'risk' to the wider community as such but I think there's a difference between social distancing with a mask on in a shopping centre and then car sharing with people and sitting in a close environment and eating together etc

OP posts:
Original poster
hoomans · 28/08/2021 09:24

I could have picked it up after the test which is why I'm not going even though the risk is small I still think it's best to wait for the all clear in a couple of weeks.

OP posts:
Original poster
hoomans · 28/08/2021 09:25

Legally I don't actually have to even isolate.

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 28/08/2021 09:27

@KingdomScrollsdont think its selfish. The OP isnt proposing going to tea with someone else's gran instead.

Or do you think all hc professionals should be in permanent self isolation if they work in a place where there's COVID?

careerchangeperhaps · 28/08/2021 09:27

Well done you for being sensible about this. It's a real - albeit small - risk; double-vaccinated people are still falling very ill with Covid and a very elderly person is obviously more likely to become poorly. A negative test doesn't mean that you can't still transmit it to others (the tests aren't 100% reliable).

Granny will (hopefully) still be there in a few weeks for you to celebrate with her when you feel it's safer to do so.

What would you regret more: not doing to the party or going and potentially giving people Covid?

IWantT0BreakFree · 28/08/2021 09:29

I think she’s got a point about the shopping centre and I wouldn’t be going there either. Either you’re a risk of transmission or you’re not.

I think you are right to stay away and your mum is being very childish. She’s basically having a tantrum. If you are considering going to the party, I you really owe it to everyone who is attending to make them aware of the risk. Not just your grandma but also your auntie with the tiny GC and everyone else, because we all deserve to make decisions about our own exposure to known risks. Of course we could unwittingly sit near someone on the bus who is asymptomatic etc, but I would expect someone who knows they have definitely been exposed to the virus to let me know if we are going to spend time together. You have no idea of other people’s vulnerabilities.

WindRainSnowSun · 28/08/2021 09:31

I think you are being totally reasonable. You know you've been in contact with people who have covid. This is not some hypothetical situation.
Your mum is being a bit daft!
My mum is 80 too, and I know she'd prefer to wait in those circumstances.

Orla1970 · 28/08/2021 09:32

Don’t go. You’re being very sensible. Your mum is clearly not very clued up on COVID. It is not just like the cold. Trust your gut on this one x

Pugdogmom · 28/08/2021 09:32

Personally, I wouldn't go either. Covid cases are rife just now, and daughters bf has Covid ( and has been double jabbed). He isn't too ill thanks to vaccine, however I wouldn't take risk with babies or older adults. A friend of mines baby has Covid and is quite poorly. Just not worth it IMO.

KingdomScrolls · 28/08/2021 09:36

@Porcupineintherough as someone whose work puts them in proximity to Covid regularly, I have been very careful when in similar situations

Porcupineintherough · 28/08/2021 09:38

@KingdomScrolls you live in self isolation? The OP is talking about going shopping, masked up. That is careful.

ineedsun · 28/08/2021 09:38

Test again and then decide?

KingdomScrolls · 28/08/2021 09:41

@Porcupineintherough if I felt the risk was something I wouldn't want to expose my family to, I wouldn't and haven't gone to busy places such as shopping centres. I have had a colleague die from Covid and several of my dad's friends.