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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to just want to sleep longer than half an hour

47 replies

Modog · 28/08/2021 02:35

My other half is ill. Seriously ill.
But he is being the patient from hell.
I can put up with spending hours shopping then cooking a meal only for him to say he's not hungry.

He is seriously ill.

I can put up not being able to go anywhere on my own anymore.(except to buy more food he won't eat)

He is seriously ill.

But what is driving me to the edge of madness is the fact that for eight months now I have only slept for an hour or so at a time.

OP posts:
Blueuggboots · 28/08/2021 02:46

Is there anyone else you can ask to help so you can get some decent sleep?

endofthelinefinally · 28/08/2021 02:49

I am so sorry.
Are you registered as his carer?
Have you had a carer's assessment by social services?
Claimed attendance allowance and carer's allowance?
You should be entitled to some help and respite care.
Are you having to get up to care for him? Is he in pain?
Flowers

SnackSizeRaisin · 28/08/2021 02:51

That sounds awful. I am in a similar situation re. Sleep only with a 3 month old. It is making me physically ill - mouth ulcers eye infections etc. As well as the mental effect. Can you get some respite? Ask the GP if any support available if you don't have suitable family or friends nearby.
Sympathies - no you are not unreasonable!

Original poster
Modog · 28/08/2021 02:52

No. I am on my own with this. The main problem is that we have no spare room, so I can't be anywhere except in bed with a moaning man.
He doesn't even wake up fully just moans mumbles and turns over violently.

OP posts:
Original poster
Modog · 28/08/2021 02:54

He is in pain but isn't taking the full amount of pain relief that he could

OP posts:
PinkPlantCase · 28/08/2021 02:56

Could you sleep on the sofa for a bit? Camp out in the lounge?

endofthelinefinally · 28/08/2021 02:56

It does sound as if you should at least approach your gp. Surely if you are sole carer for a seriously ill person long term, you are entitled to some support.
Anyone can contact social services and ask for a carer's assessment.

Original poster
Modog · 28/08/2021 02:58

I had a similar thing when my DS was a baby. He had to have a kidney removed when he was 3 months old but I was a lot younger then and I coped.
I don't seem to be coping this time

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 28/08/2021 02:59

I appreciate you may not want to share information, but if he has a life limiting condition, there are organisations that can help. Ditto if he has chronic disease. There is usually a charity or support group for most conditions.

endofthelinefinally · 28/08/2021 03:01

I have chronic illness myself and struggle with pain. Hence being awake now. I have also been a carer.
So I have some experience.

Original poster
Modog · 28/08/2021 03:04

Thank you for your replies. I will certainly speak to my GP .
Its funny , but venting online has helped enormously. And from the sound of it (or lack of noise) he has gone to sleep.

OP posts:
RavingAnnie · 28/08/2021 03:07

Go and sleep in another room. It doesn't matter where. On the sofa if needs be. In the longer term buy a sofa bed or z bed or if no other option and bloody blow up mattress. You need to sleep.

endofthelinefinally · 28/08/2021 03:11

British Heart Foundation furniture shops are usually good value, especially if you can go to one in a well to do area.
If you join your lical " next door" online group people often sell or give away furniture. You might find a sofa bed or folding bed?
I am heading to my living room sofa in a minute myself tbh.

Original poster
Modog · 28/08/2021 03:31

Sorry have yo keep leaving to settle DP down. This illness has made him uber needy.
I keep thinking that I should be a nicer person but lack of sleep is really screwing me up. I feel almost murderous at times ,the constant moaning is wearing my nerves to shreds

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 28/08/2021 03:34

Why won't he take enough meds?
I struggle with awful side effects. Is that an issue for him?

endofthelinefinally · 28/08/2021 03:38

No painkillers work for me. But prednisilone is magic. It has destroyed my bones though and I am not allowed it, except for a rescue supply, reserved for when I can't walk.
I do find amitriptylene good for nerve pain, but that is rationed too. So it is tricky to navigate.

octoberfarm · 28/08/2021 03:39

My little one has a health condition that means I'm up caring for him multiple times throughout the night and my goodness does the sleep exhaustion really effect you. I don't have any useful advice but just wanted you to know that you're not alone and that being happy/caring/kind/really functioning at all on little to no sleep is really, really hard. Don't be too hard on yourself. Really hope things get a bit easier for you soon, OP Thanks

endofthelinefinally · 28/08/2021 03:41

There are specialist nurses who can help with pain management. Would his gp look into that?

BookFiend4Life · 28/08/2021 06:27

Can you replace your couch with a pullout? You could at least get a few hours that way in between caring for him.

Heronwatcher · 28/08/2021 07:48

Sounds hard, but you really need to sleep somewhere else. On the sofa or buy a camp bed and set it up anywhere, literally anywhere (bathroom/ kitchen/ tent in garden). Give your partner a phone or alarm so he can contact you in an emergency. You may find it odd for a few nights but you will adjust and sleep well eventually. You could also consider booking a hotel for the daytime to sleep and getting someone in to sit with him (paid if necessary). Also stop all the cooking of gourmet meals and have a nap.

Toastytoads · 28/08/2021 07:51

I would get a sofa bed.

eyeofg · 28/08/2021 07:57

Sorry you are having such a bad time op.

You cannot continue to do this all on your own. What happens if you get ill ? Talk with your doctor, and see what help is available.

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 28/08/2021 07:59

Make a bed in the living room (sofa, blow up
Mattress), you need to look after yourself to be able to look after him

Even if you have to move other furniture out to make space.

Make this your priority. You need sleep.

KingsOfTheWildFrontier · 28/08/2021 08:04

What do you mean by him being seriously ill? Is it a long term or short term condition? It sounds like you need help and support. Being a carer is so difficult and stressful, you will end up ill yourself if you are constantly sleep deprived.

Alternista · 28/08/2021 08:34

I’d sleep in the living room- sofa bed or air bed, whatever you can afford.

With better sleep i find im better able to cope with everything else in life.

Sorry about your partner’s illness :(