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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Dd shouldn’t wake up at 5 am?

29 replies

WhoisRebecca · 28/08/2021 00:24

Dd, 14, has woken up at 6.30 am every day in the summer hols. She sets her alarm because she’s worried about sleeping in. She won’t go out with her friends, or make plans - but she likes to get up early and always wants to know what time it is. She’s now saying that next week she’ll set her alarm for 5 am so she can get ready for school. Realistically she could get up at 8 and still be ready for school on time. She seems v controlling and rigid - any deviation makes her anxious. AIBU to worry?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/08/2021 00:33

I went through a phase (at about the same age) of getting up for school at 6am even though I didn't have to be up until 8am, because I loved the solitude of the morning...listening to the radio and just having some 'me' time before everyone else got up. I grew out of it when I left school unfortunately Grin

I'd say as long as she gets to bed at a decent time at night, there's probably nothing to be concerned about.

Original poster
WhoisRebecca · 28/08/2021 00:34

She says she likes lying in bed for an hour before getting up. She’s very strict about bedtime and is in bed by 8, asleep by 9 too.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/08/2021 00:36

Ahh in that case I wouldn't worry too much OP.

CoRhona · 28/08/2021 00:40

DD (13) sometimes sleeps in the next days uniform to make sure she gets ready on time Confused

greenlynx · 28/08/2021 00:43

Lying in bed is nice but 5 am still sounds a bit extreme. I’m surprised because teens are famous for staying in bed as late as possible.
Was she always early riser?

Original poster
WhoisRebecca · 28/08/2021 00:51

She has been the last couple of years but it’s got more extreme. She does extra homework, even in holidays and is very very fussy around food too. She is very high achieving but doesn’t socialise and seems very concerned about time / bedtime and getting up.

OP posts:
MessyLifeCleanHouse · 28/08/2021 01:10

Haven’t you posted about this very recently ?

WaterIsBest · 28/08/2021 01:17

I think i would start thinking about maybe getting her assessed by a gp to rule out anything

Ikeatears · 28/08/2021 01:42

Are you suspecting ASD? Often, females are diagnosed later than males as they are better at masking the signs and present in different ways. If so, see your GP.

hardboiledeggs · 28/08/2021 08:14

I’d keep an eye on it and if needed speak to a professional. She might be suffering from quite bad anxiety.

legalseagull · 28/08/2021 08:19

I'd be a bit concerned about anxiety. It sounds like she's trying to maintain control. Is she nervous about going back to school?

Equalpayquery · 28/08/2021 08:26

Way back before kids (and I now haven’t needed an alarm for 7 years!!) I would set my alarm at eg 0630 on a work day despite not actually wanting to get out of bed until 0730 at the earliest. It took me a while to wake, and I like dozing and sometimes reading. I hate waking and getting straight up even though that’s more normal for me these days. So whilst it’s extreme, she could just be an early bird.

Other signs point to someone who might be quite anxious generally, I also fit that pattern, was very conscientious and an over achiever. I now have an autistic child, and assume I am one of the women who was overlooked as a child despite possibly showing traits.

I don’t want to label your DD, I’m not qualified to, but the main point is that whether there is an issue is linked to how she functions with day to day life. Are these constraints getting in the way of ‘normal’ everyday life for her (or you)?

Doodledoop · 28/08/2021 08:39

My 13 year old does this - alarms start at 5.00. She also clearly has anxiety (panic attacks and self harm) as symptoms go its not the one I worry about.

InpatientGardener · 28/08/2021 08:44

Yes I think anxiety too. I am a bit like this and if I need to be somewhere at a certain time I will always allow ample time then a bit more on top to try and reduce having to feel anxious about being late.

Equalpayquery · 28/08/2021 08:51

@InpatientGardener OMG me too - I used to get the bus/train before the one I actually needed when I was younger, just in case!!

Beamur · 28/08/2021 08:52

Control and perfectionism can come from anxiety.
It this affecting her life in any other way? Is she still seeing friends and doing stuff?
Given she's on the run up to GCSE's now and has just come out of nearly 2 years of pandemic, it's not that unusual to have developed some coping strategies.
I'd keep an eye out for any other rigidity around behaviours or repetitions but wouldn't worry too much.
Everyone has to live with a degree of anxiety about something, some of the time, but if it is stopping her from 'normal' things then it's maybe becoming an issue.

Original poster
WhoisRebecca · 28/08/2021 09:00

She doesn’t see her friends at all - she says she doesn’t want to. She has a WhatsApp chat with them - she had 300 unread messages on there the other day!

OP posts:
ItsNotMeAnymore · 28/08/2021 09:00

If you think she is willing I would
try and get her to see her GP to see if he thinks she needs to be referred.
I have no medical qualifications but I'd be worried about her being overly anxious too. Not sure about ASD though. If a child is anxious then there is a lot of potential for it to get worse as they get older. If you can deal with it when they are younger then that seems better.
I wouldn't ignore or minimise her behaviour.

ItsNotMeAnymore · 28/08/2021 09:02

How does she get on with you and her father (if he is about) and how does she get on with her siblings if she has them?

InpatientGardener · 28/08/2021 09:05

@equalpayquery me too, and I spend a lot of time sitting in my car waiting until its time to go in to something. Don't get me started on airports!

SheWoreYellow · 28/08/2021 09:08

Mine can’t sleep at all if she has an alarm set, I have no idea why. We have to wake her up.
It might be worth exploring some practical alternatives. Is she worried about not hearing the alarm, would two alarms help, um have you talked her through what happens if she does go to bed too late? Ie she’ll be a bit tired the next day but she’ll live etc etc. I think she’s got some big worries here.

Beamur · 28/08/2021 09:14

I think the complete withdrawal from other people would concern me.
I have a DD of the same age and she has issues with anxiety and OCD so I'm not unfamiliar with some of these things.
Does she talk to you? I would try and get a conversation going, is she looking forward to going back to school? Will she be starting GCSE options this year? My DD has found the sense of being on this inexorable path to exams/adulthood difficult. She's had support from CAHMS around her anxiety and has actually coped very well this summer. I do notice that she disengages with friends when she's feeling a bit overwhelmed. She struggles to cope with other people needing anything from her when she's feeling a bit fragile herself.

Original poster
WhoisRebecca · 28/08/2021 12:15

She’s actually 14 next month, so she will just be going into year 9. She doesn’t like school but she’s in top set for everything and very conscientious. I have posted another thread about my worries and a few posters did suggest ASD.

She’s very close to me but won’t talk about worries or anxiety, she is very private. Her dad and I are divorced, she sees him but won’t stay at his house.

OP posts:
littlefireseverywhere · 28/08/2021 12:23

My DD sane age is an early bird, loves the early mornings. She socialises not won’t do anything past 9 pm .