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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use permanent hair removal on my 11 year old?

43 replies

FuzzyClutter · 27/08/2021 21:12

My dd has VERY dark hair, and along with very hairy arms and legs, she has noticeable hair in other unwelcome places. Ever since she was tiny she’s had a few hairs under her chin, but now she’s going through puberty it’s spreading and getting longer, so she has quite a noticeable neck beard going on :( . She’s also got a dark moustache in the making.

She obviously feels very self conscious about this and is about to start secondary, I don’t want to give bullies any reason to pick on her. So I was thinking about getting an IPL machine like the Phillips lumea, as I think she’s going to battling with unwanted hair for many years to come and so would probably be a good investment. My understanding is that the hair grows back a lot slower and eventually doesn’t grow back at all, but I could be wrong about that?

I’ve no idea about this as not massively hairy myself so never had to think about it before. Would IPL be the best option for her or does anyone have any better suggestions?

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/08/2021 21:13

Threading?

RNBrie · 27/08/2021 21:17

I don't have a sensible answer for you but I'm heading towards the same problem. My dd is 9 and has been bothered by her thick leg hair for a year or two. She is hairier than most of the boys she's at school with.

I use a Philips Lumea and I love it. Some of my leg hair doesn't grow at all now but it's patchy so I still top up every month.

I'm not sure what age I'll let her use it, I'm holding off as long as possible. She's not asking about getting rid of it yet either.

IndigoHexagon · 27/08/2021 21:18

I’ve had laser hair removal and while excellent, it’s painful. So definitely go for something like the Phillips lumea. I had a babylis electrolysis thing many years ago and didn’t think it was much good at first but after several treatments it really made a difference to the amount of hair I have on my legs and it’s very fine and quite light so isn’t very noticeable. I’m sure that more modern devices will do an even better job!

SisterMonicaJoansHabit · 27/08/2021 21:19

I have a few friends with enough chin fluff to wear like a guy might. One just decided to be open about it and not always shave it. It's never bothered any of us. But we are all thirties and forties. I'd be asking DD what she wants. She needs to know it's OK and that despite whatever might happen at school, that actually, proper grown ups won't give a fig

ClemDanFango · 27/08/2021 21:20

Bless her that’s a tough thing to deal with as a pre teen/teen girl. Have you spoken to the GP? She may have something hormonal going on. I can’t comment on the IPL as I’ve not used one before but I think it’s worth getting her hormone levels checked.

Hankunamatata · 27/08/2021 21:22

I would. Iv waxed and threaded for years. I burnt my arms and underarms and face with hair removal cream when I was young trying to get rid of dark hairs.

RandomMess · 27/08/2021 21:27

I bought an IPL for my youngest around that age but it's not tested or approved for use for U16s so decided against it in the end.

ChrissyPlummer · 27/08/2021 21:33

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Threading?
Threading is excellent but painful. I had my whole face done once and it hurt. I need it doing again I noticed the other day.
BashfulClam · 27/08/2021 21:39

My mum has very light body hair and I am unfortunately hairy. I was bullied at school for it as it just gave them ammunition. My mum couldn’t give a shit as she didn’t understand. Thank you for caring as your beautiful girl needs that.

Surewhynot · 27/08/2021 21:39

@SisterMonicaJoansHabit

I have a few friends with enough chin fluff to wear like a guy might. One just decided to be open about it and not always shave it. It's never bothered any of us. But we are all thirties and forties. I'd be asking DD what she wants. She needs to know it's OK and that despite whatever might happen at school, that actually, proper grown ups won't give a fig
I think you’re missing the point somewhat. You and your adult friends are clearly not going to bully someone over excess facial hair. A young teen at secondary school is in a quite different situation. It’s all very well as a confident grown woman to dictate to young girls that they shouldn’t want to remove body or facial hair because YOU don’t believe it should be an issue. It’s quite another thing to be that teenage girl.

My mother wouldn’t let me shave my legs or armpits when I started secondary school and as I was a keen swimmer, it was noticed very quickly and I was bullied over it.

OP, I would definitely look at something to help your DD. Is there a good beauty therapist locally who can advise?

ShesComeUndone · 27/08/2021 21:47

My daughter has very dark hair and I am fair so I have been dealing with all this for the first time through her. She is 11 and started shaving her legs the summer term of Year 6. She has a hairy upper lip and she has used this. I was worried that it might mean the hair grew back thicker but it really hasn’t and it is so easy and painless to use.
When she is older I will help her look for a better solution. I also am interested in the Lumea but it said it was only for use on over 16s I think.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/08/2021 21:49

I can see why you would, having ready the description.

The only worry I’d have is that it’s not approved for U16 so I’d have to do more research if it were me.

Classica · 27/08/2021 21:50

YANBU

Phillips Lumea are great gadgets. Far less painful than threading and very effective over the long-term. I don't believe in character building experiences like enduring wise cracks over an easily fixed issue.

Tereseta · 27/08/2021 21:53

I would and definitely get her hormone levels checked. I have PCOS and I wish my mum had done this for me at an early age

Littlekittyscupcake · 27/08/2021 21:53

Do it OP.I have a daughter and would do the same in your position. Kids can be so bloody cruel. I’ve used one of these machines and they work really well. They work better on dark hair. Your daughter will thank you for it.

SharpLily · 27/08/2021 21:56

I think the main reason things like IPL, Lumea etc. aren't recommended for under 16s is because hormonal changes can provoke changes in hair growth patterns, or in other words events like puberty in this case but also pregnancy for example can cause new hair growth. Therefore it's recommended to wait until after puberty for a longer lasting effect.

As another whose mother refused to deal with it and got bullied as a result, I think you should do what's necessary to make her comfortable and the Lumea is a relatively easy way to do that.

Spaghettipie1 · 27/08/2021 21:57

Get the GP to look into it. It's called hirsutism and can have underlying causes that may be treatable? They might be able to help x

youdoyoutoday · 27/08/2021 22:00

Do it

ittakes2 · 27/08/2021 22:06

I think you should speak to a GP on why she is like this - maybe she has PCSOs and can balance her hormones out.
I think there is an age limit for permant hair removal in the saloons - speak to one and ask and if yes ask why. I would be reluctant to use something without knowing why it is not to be used in a certain age group.
My daughter and I are both hairy and find waxing reduces growth. I used to bleach my side burns in my teens - now in my 50s the skin there doesn't tan as well and in summer I get tan lines where I used to bleach!

mygenericusername · 27/08/2021 22:06

I was going to post what spaghetti has said. Never mind lazers, she needs to be checked out. I have the same issues you describe and a very treatable illness that is the main cause.

CaribouCarafe · 27/08/2021 22:06

I wouldn't recommend you go down the laser route given her age. But definitely give her access and help her with safe methods of hair removal. An epilator may be a good first step. You can help her with waxing or hair removal creams strictly under your supervision. The safest hair removal method I've used is buffing pads - my mum bought these for me at that age because she didn't feel comfortable with the idea of letting me loose with razors.

I second the suggestion above to talk to a GP about the issue as well in case there is an underlying problem (e.g. PCOS)

PricklesAndSpikes · 27/08/2021 22:18

Definitely speak to the GP, just in case, both to check if their are any underlying problems and also what they think regarding the IPL but I wouldn't hesitate to use the IPL on my daughter personally. I have used epilators, buffing pads, creams, waxing and shaving on myself and all have resulted in ingrowing hairs which can result in scarring and continuing problems. In this day and age I don't think youngsters should suffer if there is a safe and permanent way to help.

megletthesecond · 27/08/2021 22:22

You need to get her checked for PCOS first.

I've got a lumea after 30yrs of waxing and it has not been a pleasant experience. The post laser itching is shocking. Its taken 8 months and it seems to have worked but I still have hairy patches.

RyanReynoldsHusband · 27/08/2021 22:28

As a hairy 30odd year old who had to start shaving her face and neck every day since being 13 years old I think it is lovely that you care and want to sort this out for her. I wish I had done IPL