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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to reaaaaally enjoy being single!

44 replies

Sharalander · 27/08/2021 13:26

Just that really.. I've been single for about a year now and I love it. In that time, my daughter and I left my abusive ex and moved house. Our house is so lovely. I work full time, my daughter has a good routine, my phone is constantly pinging with messages from my lovely close knit circle. I enjoy my time from 7pm after my daughter goes to sleep and my evenings are mine.. I'm not sure I ever want to meet someone and give up and ruin everything we have.. The only thing I wish I had was a bit more money, but we aren't destitute and we get by.. I don't miss sex, I don't miss intimacy or being with a man.
Is it really unreasonable to really enjoy being single and to possibly even consider donor conception if I ever have another child? I honestly don't think I could ever have another man in my life again.

OP posts:

IjustbelieveinMe · 27/08/2021 13:30

Same! After 2 long term relationships totalling 30 years I now choose to be single and am so happy. I have my dog and he is all I need in life. Doubt I will ever live with another man again.

Original poster

Sharalander · 27/08/2021 13:37

Me either.. The way my life is right now.. No man could fit in to it..

OP posts:

MuthaFunka61 · 27/08/2021 13:40

13 years single by choice and'm in no rush to share with anyone again.

Dogs are the best @IjustbelieveinMe,and highly recommended once the littlies have flown the nest. Enjoy yourself @Sharalander,all the best

SparklingLime · 27/08/2021 13:49

Well of course it’s not. Congratulations and enjoy!

FlumpsAreShit · 27/08/2021 13:53

Sounds lovely. Am happily married but all that free time to indulge your own whims sounds great actually. Not sure I could live without sex though !

pheonixrebirth · 27/08/2021 13:54

YANBU at all, I love it😊
I had a twenty year relationship and then a 5 year relationship, been on my own now for just over a year and have realised that I'm my best self when I'm single.

I'm happier, calmer, joyful, relaxed and ultimately content.

Both relationships were unhealthy with my boundaries being virtually non existent. Both partners put their problems on me and as a typical people pleaser I felt I had to fix everything.

I can own my part in it and move forward knowing what I need to work on. But as for getting into another relationship it's a big fat no from me.

Guacamole001 · 27/08/2021 14:18

Relationships are very overrated. Single is much nicer!

moofolk · 27/08/2021 14:26

I love being single. Love it.

I love being a single mum.

Alright you never get help with anything and you have to do everything, but the knowledge that it's all your responsibility, of not resenting anyone else for not doing it, and the pure sense of satisfaction and achievement is well worth that.

I feel so much happier to be by myself and it's brilliant.

Here's to you OP!

DillonPanthersTexas · 27/08/2021 14:29

Fill your boots OP

sammylady37 · 27/08/2021 14:30

Long term single by choice here, and also childfree. I will never have a committed relationship. I have a few gentlemen friends who meet my need for sex and intimacy etc. I have wonderful friends and some great family members. I’m independent financially and other ways. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

TrickyD · 27/08/2021 14:31

Of course you are not BU. You and your daughter deserve your happiness.

However I am surprised no jealous person has posted to berate you for being happily single and not poverty-stricken when their DP has left, or has died, or left them penniless, in the way that the poor OP who had a good day out on £24 suffered a pile-on of abuse.

AryaStarkWolf · 27/08/2021 14:33

Happily married here too but totally get where you're coming from and why being single would be enjoyable as well. Don't get me wrong I adore my DH but if anything ever happened to him or between us I doubt I'd bother getting into another relationship

ShimmyYa · 27/08/2021 14:37

@AryaStarkWolf

I feel like this, too. I love my DH, but our shared lives have been built on having our children and almost ‘growing up together’ through our 20s, 30s and 40s. I couldn’t be arsed to do it all over again with someone else if DH and I weren’t together anymore for whatever reason. I’d be happy alone (with cats!).

Pavlova31 · 27/08/2021 14:37

Highly recommended Op
No more being lied to, gaslighted and messed about. Never felt better

Catcorn · 27/08/2021 14:39

Getting divorced and loving my new life. Negatives are lack of childcare and missing sex, although I am in the process of lining up a FWB situation….

georgarina · 27/08/2021 14:44

I did this OP! Had another baby with a donor. Really happy and honestly it's less work than having kids plus a partner who's not helping and demanding your time and attention on top

GetMeOut22 · 27/08/2021 14:45

I would rather be single than with a shit man. When I left my exDH, I decided I will only enter into another relationship if this new man is good for ME, fits into MY life, meets MY requirements, realizes what a catch I am , no concessions whatsoever. Being in a relationship that is a bit shit (not even going into abusive relationships as that's a different level of seriousness) is draining and not worth the bother.

As it happens, I met a wonderful man. But I wouldn't have met him if I hadn't become so confident in myself.

I think we as womankind need to realize how great we are on our own. Men are confident in themselves as individuals. Whereas women are taught from an early age to value themselves according to their relationships, family etc and it's a terrible lesson for our daughters!

ActonSquirrel · 27/08/2021 14:47

You might not have felt that way if your ex had not been abusive

The problem is people seeing the default norm as being coupled up too

MrsRobbieHart · 27/08/2021 14:47

YANBU

11 years and counting for me. I used to think I was very lonely and needed to meet a man. As time has gone on I thank my lucky stars I haven’t. I don’t think I’ll ever want to again.

Mintjulia · 27/08/2021 14:50

Five years for me now. It's lovely. My confidence has returned. I've got so much done. My finances are better, My ds is happier.

At some point I will date again, but I'm not in a rush.

Chunkymenrock · 27/08/2021 14:50

Why on earth would you bu? It sounds utter heaven and quite right for you to please yourself!

pointythings · 27/08/2021 14:50

Not at all unreasonable! I've been single for 3.5 years now, after a 25 year relationship that was hell for the last 5 years. It's been bliss. I have zero interest in dating or any kind, I'm just enjoying life. The last of my kids is going off to uni in September, I have adopted two cats and I have a full time WFH job that I enjoy.

My marriage was good before my late husband hit the drink, but it got so bad that I have a definite sense of 'never again' - and before I got married, I lived perfectly happily alone.

esloquehay · 27/08/2021 14:51

I've been single three years and, yeah, it would be nice to meet a decent guy, but a) I attract emotionally immature fucktards b) being in a relationship turns me into a psycho and c) I'm far too selfish to accommodate anyone else within my simple, but hassle free, existence. 😁

AryaStarkWolf · 27/08/2021 14:52

Yeah this is so true. The attitudes around single men Vs single women are so different. A single man is envied, he's not been "trapped" yet. A married man is "doing time" where as Single women are bitter old cat ladies or desperate cougars trying to snare a man

Lavender24 · 27/08/2021 14:55

YANBU. I was a terrible relationship hopper for most of my 20s and I wish I'd just enjoyed being single. I do miss living alone and having evenings to myself. I'm very happy with my DH and don't imagine us ever splitting but if we do I won't be in a hurry to meet someone else.

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