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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not impossible with a baby

53 replies

Shrewoodle · 26/08/2021 07:21

Housework, hobbies, work. I have a 6 month old DS, and feel like I should be able to do more than I do. How do other mums manage? Women have been having babies for millenia and getting on with it, how?? I can't stick him in a sling anymore because he screams if I'm not walking, he'll cry if put down without undivided attention. How do I get sh*t done with this tyrant who wants my attention all day (he only catnaps, no glorious hour long naps anymore Hmm).

OP posts:
SilverTimpani · 26/08/2021 07:27

Believe me, there is no magic formula and you aren’t doing anything wrong! It’s just really hard when you have a very attached baby.

Mine was exactly like yours at 6 months - would only sleep for 30 mins unless contact napping, couldn’t be put down for a minute, hated the sling. But to hopefully give you some comfort, he’s now 9 months and it’s so much easier. He has really stretched his naps, and he’ll entertain himself with toys (and gentle oversight from me) while I get on with things. Fingers crossed yours is the same!

candlelightsatdawn · 26/08/2021 07:33

So it's different from social media post and what adverts will tell you, or anyone who's blessed with a sleeper (and I promise you they aren't doing anything different from you it's luck) . The first 2 years are hard. Newborn stage is about survival and nothing more.

Don't worry about the house, it will still be standing when babies older. Sleep regressions are real and teething is a b**DH but it does end I promise.I had more freedom when my LO turned one and even more when she turned 2.

Make sure you get a break because it can drive you demented. Honestly you aren't missing out on much as baby classes are a nightmare usually to get to, you arrive hot and sweaty and then baby tends to have a nap as soon as you arrive.

When babies more mobile you can tire them our at soft play and will play more with toys.

This period ends. I know you don't believe me but it ends I promise xxx

Mybalconyiscracking · 26/08/2021 07:35

Life is very long, you can afford the time to step out of it with your baby for a few months. It won’t last and one day you will look back on these times with nostalgia!

Camomila · 26/08/2021 07:36

Tbf most people use childcare/give DC to their partners in order to work or go do hobbies.

As for housework, just do your best and try not to worry too much if it's a bit messier than pre-DC for a while. My littlest is 18m now and I can generally do most housework around him. He just potters about with his toy hoover/wet wipe copying me.

nc8765 · 26/08/2021 07:36

Depends on the baby.

DD1 was such a calm baby. I would get housework done when she napped, I'd leave her with DH so I could go to the gym or go out with my friends and she'd happily take a bottle from DH etc.

DD2, awful baby! Wouldn't take a dummy or a bottle, only wanted to be breastfed, she hated being put down so was always attached to me and I couldn't ever get anything done!

Original poster
Shrewoodle · 26/08/2021 07:37

@SilverTimpani this gives me hope! My house is chaos and the garden will be more weed patch than garden if I don't manage to give it some attention soon...

OP posts:
Bathtimebillie · 26/08/2021 07:38

It depends on what kind of baby you have and how much help you have TBH. I had a screaming baby for my first who cat napped. He didn't mind being put down though. It was hard. My second was easier. But I only had a two year age gap and by the time my youngest was moving, it was a nightmare. It wasn't really until my youngest was 3 that I started getting back on top of things.

If you have someone to leave the baby with, you can get to the gym etc. If baby is happy to go in the bouncer it's easier to look after the housework etc.

TheWordsmithsApprentice · 26/08/2021 07:39

Depends on the baby. DC1 was exactly as you describe. DC2 was totally different and I finally understood how people could do stuff. Please don't spend your precious time with your baby thinking you're doing it wrong or you should be able to do this and that.

NotMaryWhitehouse · 26/08/2021 07:44

I feel exactly the same @Shrewoodle , my son is 7m and I cried the other day when asked what I had done that day and the answer was 'the washing up'. It's bloody hard and I keep looking out at my garden with longing! I will say it got slightly easy a couple of weeks ago. I can leave him sitting in his high chair for ten minutes sometimes! 🤪

LaurenS26 · 26/08/2021 07:48

It wasn't until my DS turned 1 and started toddling that I felt I could get things done during the day.
I remember feeling this way too, wondering how other Mums managed to keep their house tidy, get themselves ready and be productive during the day.
Some days I still struggle if he's being a bit more clingy than usual but I don't put as much pressure on myself now.

You are doing a great job, don't be too hard on yourself.

shouldistop · 26/08/2021 07:50

This is a tricky age, in a couple of months it will be easier.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 26/08/2021 07:52

It's a combination of lowering your standards and accepting babies cry. It is easy to say, I know, but please stop thinking you're inadequate or should be doing X,y,z. Do what has to be done, let unimportant things wait, give your baby lots of your time but also know that it's ok for them to cry if you need to put them down for five minutes. As my lovely mil always says, they cry tears not blood.
There is a balance you can find. Don't be hard on yourself.

Babynames2 · 26/08/2021 08:09

You lower your standards for housework. As long as the necessary stuff is done then everything else just has to wait. Hobbies and work, then DC go to your partner or childcare.

It is bloody hard to juggle it all. I have a 4 year old, an 18 month old and I’m due with DC3 in October. I’m having the full mat leave and then taking an extra year out before I return to work this time as it’s so difficult to juggle it all (and my partner does his fair share. I know lots of people who have cleaners once they return to work.

Dozer · 26/08/2021 08:11

Possible - though challenging, depending on the DC - if parenting and domestic work are fairly shared.

FawkesThePhoenix · 26/08/2021 08:12

I had a jumparoo thing that I used to put him in for 15 mins whilst i zapped round the downstairs with the vaccine and mop although it does depend how well baby is holding themselves ect.

Is he sitting yet? You could always pop him in his cot with some bright toys and see if he will play. Even if it's just for 5 minutes whilst you give the toilet a scrub. I also used to take mine out in his pushchair and of he was still asleep when we got home I'd run around then.

I was in the same situation as you sometimes and I hate mess so I used to get really stressed about it. Some ages were easier than other for trying to get things done. Mine is 4 now and it's back to not being able to get anything done as he just follows me around complaining that he is bored.

Your baby is loved, fed, comforted and well cared for...thats the main thing!

Iggly · 26/08/2021 08:13

Where’s your partner?

maddening · 26/08/2021 08:14

Possible with help and organisation and a baby that sleeps.

My baby did not sleep well until 2.5, after that I did get better.

Moraxella · 26/08/2021 08:15

The frustration is really stressful. Their naps get more predictable as they get older and then the battle is whether you have the energy to clean the entire house while they have their lunchtime nap 🤣

You are not alone! Our house looks like a tornado has blown through it five mins after it’s cleaned. It’s relentless, so please don’t stress about it and know you are in good company 💐

89redballoons · 26/08/2021 08:16

Mine was a catnapper until he dropped to one nap aged about 15 months. 20 months now and he normally sleeps for 2 hours+ after lunch.

I still haven't worked out how to keep up with the hobbies I had before he was born, though, but keeping the house vaguely tidy is easier. Work gets done because it has to.

MayorGundersonsDogRufus · 26/08/2021 08:16

In the 50s they used to leave babies in their prams at the bottom of the garden all morning. So it's not like previous generations were superheroes or something!

Confusedandshaken · 26/08/2021 08:20

@Shrewoodle

Housework, hobbies, work. I have a 6 month old DS, and feel like I should be able to do more than I do. How do other mums manage? Women have been having babies for millenia and getting on with it, how?? I can't stick him in a sling anymore because he screams if I'm not walking, he'll cry if put down without undivided attention. How do I get sh*t done with this tyrant who wants my attention all day (he only catnaps, no glorious hour long naps anymore Hmm).
Women have had babies for millennia and coped by having many, many babies so the older children look after the younger ones and also by living in extended family groups so the older adults take care of the little ones whilst the fit young adults do the heavy work. It's a very recent modern development to live in one couple households with just 2/3 kids.

We also have higher expectations nowadays. Our ancestors didn't have hobbies or want to maintain a show home or regain a 'beach body'.

Ragwort · 26/08/2021 08:24

I think to some extent previous generations were 'tougher' with their babies, there was no expectation to pick up the baby when they cried for example. I was born in the 50s and we were put in a nursery at the top of the house whilst the adults were two stories below Grin ... I don't recall being scared or frightened and have a great relationship with my DPs.

My own DS was an incredibly 'easy' baby, two very long (2 hours+) naps a day plus he would self settle at 7pm and wake at 7am ... and would sit happily in a bouncer chair/playpen ... so I was very lucky in that I had plenty of time to do whatever I wanted. He was also the opposite to clingy so happy to be picked up/cuddled/taken for a walk by anyone else ! I (deliberately) never had a second so can't comment on what might have happened with another child.

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 26/08/2021 08:24

It depends on the baby and how much support and help you have from family and friends. I found it impossible to do anything when mine were little and lived in permanent chaos. The game-changer for me was paying a childminder for one morning a week. I got more done in those three hours than the rest of the week combined, and it was wonderful to have that child free headspace.

Oogachuckachopsy · 26/08/2021 08:24

I had an easy baby so it was never an issue to do anything. He would scream about 10am most days for some reason so I’d just put him in a sling and crack on, but also remember that five minutes crying while you do something won’t actually kill them.

Elkey · 26/08/2021 08:28

Getting nothing done here too! Also wondering how other people tidy, fix their garden, paint their nails, or keep on top of absolutely anything.