Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let him sell this?

46 replies

Icantthinkofanewname9876 · 25/08/2021 20:32

DS was given a Lego set last year it was a large and expensive one. He has autism and the set was related to his special interest at the time. The interest changed quite soon after and it wasn’t used, it just sat in cupboard for months. I encouraged them many, many times to do the set but they wouldn’t. I’ve let the sell the set for half of what it was paid for so they can get themselves something that will be used.
The gift giver has found out (sibling is a blabber mouth) and isn’t happy, they spent time, effort and a fair amount of money getting the set and they feel he’s been ungrateful not building it and selling it. Was I being unreasonable in letting them sell this gift?

OP posts:
RoseRedRoseBlue · 25/08/2021 20:33

Not at all, what’s the point of having it sat in a cupboard? Gifts shouldn’t come with any expectations.

Backtobacktheyfacedeachother · 25/08/2021 20:34

It was wasted money sat, un-built, in a cupboard. At least now the can buy something they want so not totally wasted.

DuckDuckGooses · 25/08/2021 20:35

Maybe if you'd let them know beforehand it wouldn't be such an issue? I'd be upset if I found out through a third party, especially if it had taken a lot of time and money. If you'd explained the whole thing they might have understood?

purpleme12 · 25/08/2021 20:37

Ah I don't know
I think maybe it depends how long it's been since she gave it?

Original poster
Icantthinkofanewname9876 · 25/08/2021 20:38

@DuckDuckGooses maybe your right. I guess it’s something to consider in the future. I honestly thought they would rather he had something he wanted and it didn’t enter my head to ask if it was ok to sell it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Icantthinkofanewname9876 · 25/08/2021 20:38

@purpleme12 it’s been sat in a cupboard for over 6 months.

OP posts:
RosaBaby2 · 25/08/2021 20:39

YABU selling Lego for 50% off but YANBU for selling an unwanted/unused gift Grin

ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 20:42

I would have waited a couple of years. It might have been worth more as harder for people to get hold of.

IHateCoronavirus · 25/08/2021 20:42

I think if she had gone to time and effort, plus expense it might have hurt her feelings to have found out through a third party.

Had she been asked to get that specific item, or had she found it herself based of your DC’s special interest at the time?

CorianderBee · 25/08/2021 20:44

@DuckDuckGooses

Maybe if you'd let them know beforehand it wouldn't be such an issue? I'd be upset if I found out through a third party, especially if it had taken a lot of time and money. If you'd explained the whole thing they might have understood?
Why? Kids sell gifts all the time once they've outgrown them. It was a gift, not a loan, and as such is his property to do what he wants with.
ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 20:46

6 months is a bit soon.

purpleme12 · 25/08/2021 20:48

Mmm I think if it was a present I wouldn't have done it after 6 months
I understand your reasoning but I guess this is why...

DuckDuckGooses · 25/08/2021 20:49

@CorianderBee because it's polite to give someone a heads up? Especially if there's an idea it might upset them!

@Icantthinkofanewname9876 I'm sure it'll blow over if you explain it as you have done here, your reasons all make sense. You never know what the other person has said (Chinese whispers when it doesn't come from the source)!

Original poster
Icantthinkofanewname9876 · 25/08/2021 20:49

@IHateCoronavirus she found it herself based on his interest. I really do appreciate what a thoughtful gift it was and I do feel really bad that their feelings are hurt. dS has had a few special interests over the years and once they have moved on that’s it really it forgotten about and the next interest takes over completely. I’m very used to spending money on things which are loved deeply for a few years or even months and then are abandoned forever!

However we live in a tiny house with no storage space, we want to move next year and I wanted to slowly start making space and getting rid of things we don’t use so that if we do manage to move we aren’t taking stuff we don’t need with us.

OP posts:
IHateCoronavirus · 25/08/2021 20:54

Just explain all of that to her, it is understandable. She may need some time for her emotions to settle but just try to be patient with her. She obviously cares a lot about you to be so thoughtful in the first place. You’d have got a tenner in a card from me! Grin

IHateCoronavirus · 25/08/2021 20:54

Is anyone else itching to know what the set was?

purpleme12 · 25/08/2021 21:01

@IHateCoronavirus

Just explain all of that to her, it is understandable. She may need some time for her emotions to settle but just try to be patient with her. She obviously cares a lot about you to be so thoughtful in the first place. You’d have got a tenner in a card from me! Grin
Yes agree with this
MissUhuragotolder · 25/08/2021 21:02

It can't be helped but understand your friends feelings
It feels ungrateful for such a well thought out considered expensive gift - although can certainly understand it wasn't intended

HugeAckmansWife · 25/08/2021 21:03

Thing is if it was totally unused it could have been sold for near enough full price and the giver might not feel like it was a waste. This wasn't an unwanted gift was it, or unsolicited and random, it was bought in the reasonable expectation it would be appreciated. Normally I'm 100% about returning unwanted gifts or exchanging them but your DS just changed his mind. I can see why the giver is a bit annoyed.

greenlynx · 25/08/2021 21:10

6 months is too soon. I understand that you are going to move and your DS’s interests has changed but you could have started clearing from something else.
My DD has additional needs and often receives gifts which she can’t use or they are not suitable for her interests so I know about this dilemma. However selling so soon looks like you haven’t appreciated the gift.

Whaleandsnail6 · 25/08/2021 21:11

I'd be gutted that it hadn't been used at all if I'd put so much thought into the gift and was pleased I'd thought I'd got something special that in my mind they'd love.

But I'd have to remind myself that the gift was for your son so I'd try and put those feelings aside. Its pointless it sitting unused and they may as well get what they want with the money.

Original poster
Icantthinkofanewname9876 · 25/08/2021 21:14

The thing is he didn’t “just change his mind” his special interests are because of his autism. His interests are pretty much all he cares about, it’s talked about constantly and he uses those interests to bond with people. It’s very black and white though once he has a new interest that’s it, everything else is forgotten and the new interest is all consuming. Another child might have kept and built the set just because it’s fun my son wouldn’t do that. At the time he did appreciate it (in fact he was saving it because it was a big special one) but his interest changed very suddenly, he was busy doing other sets related to his interest at the time which were also just left half built.

I do see why they are annoyed, it was expensive, it was chosen with care and love but I can not force him to build something, it would probably have cause a massive meltdown had I tried to.

OP posts:
LoislovesStewie · 25/08/2021 21:14

As I know to my cost the interests/obsessions of an ASD child can change rapidly. I wouldn't buy anything really expensive or where I would be cross if I felt that it wouldn't give long-lasting value. I have made that mistake too often!

LoislovesStewie · 25/08/2021 21:17

And I understand exactly the point you are making. I suspect the person who bought it didn't realize that the interest would disappear, and another equally passionate interest would take over.

ViciousJackdaw · 25/08/2021 21:18

The mistake wasn't selling the Lego, it was letting blabbermouth sibling know that you were selling it.