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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let him sell this?

46 replies

Icantthinkofanewname9876 · 25/08/2021 20:32

DS was given a Lego set last year it was a large and expensive one. He has autism and the set was related to his special interest at the time. The interest changed quite soon after and it wasn’t used, it just sat in cupboard for months. I encouraged them many, many times to do the set but they wouldn’t. I’ve let the sell the set for half of what it was paid for so they can get themselves something that will be used.
The gift giver has found out (sibling is a blabber mouth) and isn’t happy, they spent time, effort and a fair amount of money getting the set and they feel he’s been ungrateful not building it and selling it. Was I being unreasonable in letting them sell this gift?

OP posts:
Original poster
Icantthinkofanewname9876 · 25/08/2021 21:20

@LoislovesStewie I learnt the first time I totally redecorated his bedroom to match the interest, wallpaper, curtain, bedding the lot and then less than a year later he moved on.
He was stuck with the curtains and wallpaper for years 🤣

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 25/08/2021 21:21

Bloody hell you could've got more than 50% for it!!!

Lego is extortionate!

Original poster
Icantthinkofanewname9876 · 25/08/2021 21:23

@ViciousJackdaw don’t worry old blabber mouth has had a good talking to, although to be fair the person asked if it had been built and they just piped up with “no we sold it to another child”.

We’ve been having a chat about white lies and thinking about people’s feelings!

OP posts:
Original poster
Icantthinkofanewname9876 · 25/08/2021 21:24

I’m now having serious regrets about what I sold it for!

OP posts:
romdowa · 25/08/2021 21:24

Ywbu to let him sell it for half price. Some lego sets can be worth quite a bit, especially mint it the box.

FuckingFlumps · 25/08/2021 21:26

@Mammyloveswine

Bloody hell you could've got more than 50% for it!!!

Lego is extortionate!

Agreed.

As the giver of the gift I wouldn't be mad you sold it it pay for something he actually now wanted, I would however be pretty pissed off you let it go so cheaply.

ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 21:27

I completely get why you sold it, just think it would have been best to leave it for a year or so so the recipient then thinks about their next gift for them. (Unless they are going to keep asking regularly if they've built it I guess).

I also think if asked you shouldn't mention you sold it for 50% of the price, pretend you got full whack and have bought him something else?

HugeAckmansWife · 25/08/2021 21:27

I also have an asd child and know exactly what you mean. No you couldn't force him to build it but you absolutely could and should have looked to get near full price for it so you could replace it with something currently favoured.

ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 21:27

Especially if the purchaser spent ages looking for it, suggests it might be limited editon.

TwoLeftElbows · 25/08/2021 21:31

I can see it's hurtful for the giver to see him selling it so soon, and unused. Either leave it longer or don't get caught!

HerRoyalNotness · 25/08/2021 21:31

I appreciate you not having the room but we have Lego in every nook and cranny. Two of mine have sets from Xmas they haven’t built. If it goes on much longer I just build them myself.

I wouldn’t be annoyed as the gift giver,
Once it’s given it’s yours to do what you want with

Pendhxa · 25/08/2021 21:32

Clearly this adult has no idea how difficult bringing up a child with ASD is.

MichelleScarn · 25/08/2021 21:37

[quote Icantthinkofanewname9876]@ViciousJackdaw don’t worry old blabber mouth has had a good talking to, although to be fair the person asked if it had been built and they just piped up with “no we sold it to another child”.

We’ve been having a chat about white lies and thinking about people’s feelings![/quote]
Poor other child! Being called a" blabber mouth" and having a "good talking to". Mean in my opinion. Did you make it clear that they weren't allowed to talk about this? What were they meant to say, and what if the gift giver asked to see it?

NewPapaGuinea · 25/08/2021 21:39

I really want to know what set it was

Freddiefox · 25/08/2021 21:43

I don’t think either is right or wrong, not unreasonable to sell, but also not unreasonable to be a bit disappointed that it wasn’t used

TheRebelle · 25/08/2021 21:50

The sibling was wrong to tell them but if they’re young then it can’t be helped. Once a gift is given then it’s up to the recipient what to do with it, you should never give a gift with any expectations on it.

Whinge · 25/08/2021 21:53

A large and expensive Lego set could easily be £200+

Whilst I don't think you were wrong to sell it, although definitely wrong to sell it so cheaply. I can understand why the relative would be upset at choosing such a thoughful and costly present only for it to have never been used. Could your son's sibling not have built it?

Bethany7 · 25/08/2021 21:57

You are not being unreasonable at all. Your son has autism and his interest changed, you are just thinking of him and also being practical and sensible.
Maybe just explain that to your friend, I'm sure they would understand

MissUhuragotolder · 26/08/2021 08:28

Poor other child! Being called a" blabber mouth" and having a "good talking to".

Lolz

I have a blabber mouth who sometimes misinterprets and tells people the most inappropriate things! (Think : "mummy gave our dinner to the cats" when she meant "I ate my dinner didn't like it and mum made something else then our remnants of uneaten meat on our plates dinners into cats bowl as it was roast chicken" type thing !

Or "mum says you drive her car round corners" when she'd overheard me saying "my mum's driving me round the bend" (she must have bat ears as it was said in another room on phone to a friend!) !!

To be fair your other DC said the truth you had sold it, in response to a question about whether it had been built. Not much you can do about that. It's also fine to say " try and be mindful of other people's feelings" but I suspect that would be too complicated for a child to understand in relation to OPs issue in the Lego.

OP I'd just say sorry to the gift giver and explain as you've done
It was a kind and thoughtful gift, brilliant at the time
The SEN of older DC means he gets fixated and black and white about hobbies and unexpectedly changed his interest - and all the efforts you went to but he refused to build it and it is mortifying
You have such little space eventually had to accept it needed to be sold to make room for current hobby storage
You're sorry they found out this way but didn't know how to tell them, didn't want to upset them and wish you hadn't put it off now

user1471538283 · 26/08/2021 08:38

My DS was like this. Mad for things and then go off them. It was your DSs property once it had been gifted so it was up to him to sell it. I'm sure the expensive stuff I bought my Godchild over the years was sold and I hope the money was used to buy something else he enjoyed.

knittingaddict · 26/08/2021 08:51

Was it unused and in it's box?

If it was then I think you have been unreasonable. If you had kept it for a while longer there is a pretty good chance that you could have sold it for full price. When lego sets become scarce people will pay serious money for them. As the gift giver it would bother me more that money had been wasted than the fact it had been sold.

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