To think we shouldnt go to the wedding?

[Jezlouise]

Me and dp are constantly arguing at moment. We have been invited to a wedding, that isnt a relative but close to it. That's fine. But thing is dp is up to his ears in debt and loans. He owes numerous people money. We are both unemployed at the moment. We dont even have money to go on dates or pay rent. So I dont think we should be forking out to go to a wedding that isnt in this country.

There is the cost of clothes, food, transport there.

Dp has said his family will offer him up the money. But accepting that money will just add to the I.o.u pile on and we will never be getting anywhere.

I cant see reason with dp. Our whole financial situation is really starting to piss me off. Most of it is due to his recklessness with money and more than once I've helped him out with his payments. But if I say I'm not going I'm being the downer and his whole family will think I'm the problem since they are none the wiser about his debt.

Aibu?

Why are neither of you working?

Could one/both of you find a job and then you would not have to borrow the money?

Yanbu to say that you can't afford to spend any of your (combined) money on this. However if his family would give (not loan) him what he needs to attend including everything travel, accommodation, food clothes etc then it is fine for him to go - so long as it is clear that this doesn't add to any IOUs.

I'm out of work as I've recently had a baby. Which is where most my money goes towards. Dp came out of a job recently and is looking for work. Thing is even if he gets a job all our income should be going towards clearing his debt so we can start saving for our place.

I agree you shouldn't go to a wedding that's going to get you into even more debt.

Definitely wouldn’t go, I hate debt so that would be a deal breaker for me in a partner as would not working.

You are not paying rent? How does that work? Asking for a friend.

I've told dp he can go and tag along with his family and I will stay behind. That way no money has to be forked out. It just annoys me as we havent been able to afford anything for ourselves and if we had excessive money like this I'd rather spend it on something we need or something we want. Dp tells me I should see this as a holiday. Trying to look after a newborn abroad is NOT my idea of a holiday. I've asked countless times if I could just have a well needed spa day after a horrific birth. I'd much rather use my money on a massage than this.

@Esspee we are currently living with family. Sorry there is no way getting around the paying the rent bit, trust me I would of been the first person to know 😂

Why do you need clothes. Most people just wear what they have

I’m going to be brutally honest here—the issue is not the wedding. It’s being with a dead end loser and trying to convince yourself he’ll ever change. Sorry

Yanbu, going seems highly irresponsible in your circumstances.
I hate (most) weddings and the expectations that come with them.

Also, even if he goes on his own, there will likely be extra costs for drinks, gifts, outfits ect.

@MauveMagnolia I dont own anything nice enough and dp doesnt own a suit

[quote Jezlouise]@MauveMagnolia I dont own anything nice enough and dp doesnt own a suit[/quote]
I’ve shared outfits with friends in the past-is this an option?
He doesn’t need to wear a suit, as long as he doesn’t wear trackie bottoms and whatever he wears is clean and well ironed not one person will bat an eyelid

Of course neither of you should go. You can’t afford it.

What do you mean that he came out of job? Was he sacked or did he quit? He’s got a family to support, he’s got far more important things to focus on, like earning a wage, that splashing out on a jolly.

Are you getting SMP? Are you claiming all the benefits you can?

That seems ridiculous and so does the situation of being lumbered with him!
Find yourself a job and move on from him would be my advice. It's crazy to prioritize a wedding abroad if you can't pay rent/bills imo.

This is a no brainer. Don't go to the wedding and while he's away, break up with him.

He needs to get a job ASAP. You need to make sure you are claiming all benefits you are entitled to.

Nope I wouldn't go either.
He needs to pull his finger out and get a job.
The quickest one he can get for now whilst looking for something more suitable.
If people complain you aren't going, tell them how much debt your DP is currently in and that's the reason why.

So are you employed but on maternity leave? If you're only receiving stat maternity pay then that really won't leave you with much.
What does came out of a job mean? If he was fired or quit with no other job to go to, then he sounds reckless. This won't change, do you really want a life of financial instability?

Tell him he needs to address the debts before even considering going to the wedding. Being told exactly where he stands by the CAB will probably have more impact than from you.

This is madness, but f the individual is close enough they will know you are both out of work.

You say the wedding is in another country? Hard to tag along at no cost. Passport, clothing, food, drinks, general spending money and that’s before you look at travel, accommodation, covid tests, insurance.

If only my dp could see the madness is this too! I'm tired of having to be the voice of reason. His family knows we are both unemployed at the moment so they have offered to lend money but that is only going to add to the problem. Seems I'm going to have to put my foot down on this one and just say I'm not going and then brace myself for the arguments and complaints from his family. Great.

Seriously, why are you with this gem? What would your financial position be if you needed things?

Madness, enlighten them of debt, madness to go

Stand your ground your being the sensible one here.
Let them know what situation he has got you in.