Aibu to be annoyed at this comment?

[SausageRollFan]

it's more the principle and what the comment reflects than than the comment itself.

I went to get the washing in from the line and my partner said "I would have got it in if you'd asked me". I just looked at him, told him he's perfectly capable of assessing if the washing needs bringing in himself and I'm not his mum who's here to tell him when to do stuff!

I hit 40 this year and wow people weren't kidding when they said you stop accepting shit when you turn 40 and I've become increasingly feminist to boot. The other day I told my daughter I'd buy her a file to start storing her own paperwork (she's 18 now) and he asked whether that was a step into womanhood and I said "why, because only women file paperwork?"

I'm about to leave his dinner in the oven and when he looks perplexed announce I would have got it out if he'd asked me. There's also no plates to eat off and he hasn't asked me to wash one up so.....

Am I being too harsh?

You’ve turned 40 and changed your attitude and views, and expect him to just adapt to it. You sound like you just don’t like him to be honest. And with dinner, did you put it on the oven? If so why would he take it out? It’d drive me nuts if DH just took over cooking at the end of the process. YABU

You should have asked:

english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/amp/

It doesn't sound a very loving harmonious home tbh! When people (any gender) put up with crap from their partner then suddenly take issue with it, it's not surprising the partner is surprised. You've gone with it for years, so just kicking off is just going to be confusing and probably the person you will upset the most is you.

DC go to sports classes which are 10 min walk away
DMIL once said that DFIL might not be able to take DGC to one of their classes in her absence because “he might not know how to”
What she meant was that he couldn’t be bothered and that she would enable it.
Women enable this shit so much

But men just don't think the same way we do.

Oh please, it's absolutely all about not having to because whatever you wanted turns up anyway.

Step back, let him work it out for himself.

I know this, because I was a lazy and spoiled younger sister, one elder sister, no brothers. I was given chores which I did very badly and then sloped off to do my school homework. Nothing ever happened, the kitchen was still spotless and everything put away.

Now, in my own house I'm pretty house proud and can't tolerate any mess. I know yo just stand there and wait until whoever created the mess cleans it up.

Can't fool me into doing more than my share.

I have resorted to the 'oh, I would have done _ if you'd asked' tactic to encourage independent thinking about chores, though with my dc not my dh (who does not need me to tell him the chores need doing!). It works great.

Do it, OP.

Hmmm my DH comes with an auto programme that allows him to see shit and do shit.

He must be defective

@SnarkyBag

I wonder how many men at the top of the career ladder wandered aimlessly around waiting to be told what to do because They’re not programmed to think about what jobs need doing. Maybe they are secretly shadowed by women hiding in corners whispering “psst John you need to put a clean surgical gown on before you cut that guys open and take his spleen out”

Wins the thread 😂

For your viewing pleasure OP

@HalloHello

Not to be sexist here, although it definitely is...

But men just don't think the same way we do. They're not programmed to think about jobs that need doing, especially if they aren't normally involved in these jobs. I don't know why this is but it's a problem across all my friends and family.

Absolute rubbish. They’re socialised not to think the way we do, because other people (female) have been socialised to do it for them. Do you genuinely believe that the male brain is wired not to notice what housework needs doing, but that they can manage to figure out what tasks need doing in their work environments? 🤦🏻‍♀️

@HalloHello

Not to be sexist here, although it definitely is...

But men just don't think the same way we do. They're not programmed to think about jobs that need doing, especially if they aren't normally involved in these jobs. I don't know why this is but it's a problem across all my friends and family.

'Not to be sexist here'

This is the biggest load of sexist claptrap ever written!

And this...

Well I don't think you should deliberately burn his dinner for ham fisted attempts to be nice. Do you expect him to defer to you generally in house keeping? Are you the boss in that area? Would you have been snippy if he'd brought it in not quite dry? Do you ask him to deal with anything that Teresa May would call a boy's job? Not that it's ok but we can all be part of a change, rather than punishing someone for pointing out that they could have been helpful if they weren't a duffer.

@HalloHello

Not to be sexist here, although it definitely is...

But men just don't think the same way we do. They're not programmed to think about jobs that need doing, especially if they aren't normally involved in these jobs. I don't know why this is but it's a problem across all my friends and family.

Bollocks.

My dad did the vast majority of the childcare for me when I was young. He managed to do things like the food shop, take me shopping for school shoes and he even managed to feed me, bathe me and put me to bed without being given instructions!

Twenty years later and he retired - he then managed to run the home (my mum was still working), do the shopping, organise a house move, cook dinner, do the laundry, clean - all without prompts!

He's not unique either. Both my husband and my FIL are the same. They do housework, cook, wash up, do laundry, make beds and get the animals and garden sorted without a word said by myself or MIL.

Maybe you need to raise your standards?

But men just don't think the same way we do. They're not programmed to think about jobs that need doing...

BULL-SHIT they are not programmed. I'm not programmed either. I hate it, it's annoying, it's boring, I don't want to do it, I'd rather be working / reading / exercising / drinking wine, but I do it because otherwise we'd have no clean clothes to wear, no clean plates to eat off, no food when everyone gets hungry etc. I used to not do it when I lived with my Mum who did it all, and now that I'm a grown ass woman I do it. Men who don't do it aren't "programmed differently", they are able to avoid it because someone else (usually mother or wife, but I've seen husbands etc) pick up the work and do it instead. If you are old enough to drive, vote, buy alcohol, and serve on a jury, you're old enough to keep track of how many clean socks you have.

I recently turned 40 too.

Wow. Turning 40 really got to you. 🙈

But men just don't think the same way we do. They're not programmed to think about jobs that need doing, especially if they aren't normally involved in these jobs. I don't know why this is but it's a problem across all my friends and family.

What a load of shit! Do all your male friends and family need step by step instructions for every single task in their jobs.

I despair. No wonder men get away with this shit when there are women making excuses for why the poor men just can't use their brains ☹

Personally I think you're over thinking the washing thing.

If you did that load then, in my world, that's 'yours'. When I peg out then I keep a rough eye on the time it's been out and fully expect to bring it in myself, not do half a job.

I can imagine dh saying the same to me and yes, it would be 'helping me' as that job had already been claimed by me.

The same as if dh is cooking a meal and then gets glasses out, I might say 'oh I'd have done the drinks if you asked'. He'd already claimed 'meal prep', that's his job he's in the middle of, so I'd be helping him out.

It makes sense to me anyway!

If you think 40 changes you, wait till you hit 50 and every subsequent birthday there after.

Those around you who don't shape up, don't last long.

YANBU

@HalloHello I hope if you have sons you’re not enabling that kind of bs with them. As loads have others have said, the menz seem to manage fine at work… just miraculously lose the ability to problem solve at home? Nah- I don’t buy that for a second.

I've never put up with this shit. I don't know why women do

**Loads of others

@HalloHello

Not to be sexist here, although it definitely is...

But men just don't think the same way we do. They're not programmed to think about jobs that need doing, especially if they aren't normally involved in these jobs. I don't know why this is but it's a problem across all my friends and family.

You need better people in your life. Honestly

I am somewhat confused by your snipe at your daughter.

@gannett

It's a mildly annoying comment and there are much bigger feminist issues than this.

I disagree, I think if every parent in the country taught their children that you can use a washing machine/dishwasher/hoover etc regardless of what genitals you have, we might get somewhere with the next generation