"Just can't believe she has children"

[puzzledbythis]

Hi mumsnet - a sneaky namechanger here, of course.

Accidentally overheard this said about someone today.

The context is that someone said that XXX is on leave today due to something to do with her children - and the reply was the subject line.

Not a native speaker, so not completely sure of the implied meaning here. If I directly translate it to my own language, it sounds quite rude, with a hint of "I can't believe someone decided to reproduce with her", unless, of course, when about a very young woman. Not the case here, as it was said about a woman in her late 30s.

I would definitely not think it meant ‘that anyone would reproduce with her’ unless there was a specific characteristic that someone mean would hone in on. For instance, that they have a horrible personality or smell bad. I would automatically think it was because they looked too young or came across as energetic (and not beaten down like a normal mum). It might be because of their lifestyle, like if they went out a lot which would perhaps raise questions as to where they got the time and money to do it.

Unless they were saying nasty things about you as well, it's totally a

a) she's so slim, especially her stomach/waist
b) she looks so young, no wrinkles
c) there are no dark circles round her eyes
d) her hair, makeup and clothes always look perfect
e) she looks relaxed, happy and carefree

situation.

dialled in into the scrum meeting on my day off, by phone not teams, so wasn't a "named" participant.

Again, why?
This seems like an odd thing to decide to do, especially to then question what was 'overheard'

@Bluesheep8

dialled in into the scrum meeting on my day off, by phone not teams, so wasn't a "named" participant.

Again, why?
This seems like an odd thing to decide to do, especially to then question what was 'overheard'

Did not want to miss it... it is that environment where everyone seems to dial in not to miss things, even if on holiday. My line manager, for example, dials in from his honeymoon trip every day. It is a 30+ people meeting.

I initially thought I would not be able to do this as would be on the way, but then the journey itinerary has changed so had 15 minutes spare. Why is that odd?

Thank you everyone, you reassured me. I was unsure about this. I am definitely not glamorous or thin (and no one has seen me in person anyway), but yes I can see how that could be meant as a positive. The AIBU was probably "AIBU to overthink this?".

I initially thought I would not be able to do this as would be on the way, but then the journey itinerary has changed so had 15 minutes spare. Why is that odd?

Because if a group of people in a meeting don't know that someone else is listening, that person might hear things that they're not meant to, or might not like

@Bluesheep8

I initially thought I would not be able to do this as would be on the way, but then the journey itinerary has changed so had 15 minutes spare. Why is that odd?

Because if a group of people in a meeting don't know that someone else is listening, that person might hear things that they're not meant to, or might not like

I see. It is a regular daily project team meeting, covering a department of 30+ colleagues + invitees, not like I dialled in into a meeting I was not invited to with an intention to eavesdrop.

If the person who said it had known you were listening, they probably wouldn't have said it in the way that they did.
If they'd known you were there they'd have said "Oh I didn't know you had children"

So they were talking about you thinking you weren't there? So you joined the meeting, but kept quiet so no one knew you were listening? That's just odd, tbh.

The context is that someone said that XXX is on leave today due to something to do with her children - and the reply was the subject line.

The person was reacting to being told the reason you were on leave and not in the meeting, completely unaware that you actually were.....

@Kanaloa

I’ve thought this about a manager I had when she told me she was trying for a baby. She was a very harsh/cold person and didn’t seem the maternal type. I wouldn’t have said it out loud, but I just couldn’t imagine her cuddling a baby.

I’ve read many times on here people saying they weren’t maternal before they had children.

I've said this about someone (but a man, not a woman) because they never mentioned their children before and don't act like they do (in this case, always the last person to leave a social event, go to every social event often didn't bother going home and be very tactical with certain women (whose houses they were staying at when they didn't go back to their own house).

Do you work a lot? Long hours (and still attend meetings one you day off...) and never mention your family

Because I'd think the statement suggests that they can't believe you have children because you act like you don't.

If it were the looks thing then - because you don't look haggard fat or unpresentable or aren't organised (like many on this thread think women with children look!) then it would be more "wow, I can't believe she has children" or more likely "I didn't know she had children".)

Equally if it were what you thought, then it would be more a "eurgh/yuck I can't believe she has children"

But seeing you dialed in to a scum meeting because you didn't want to miss it on your day off, I would hazard a guess it's because your work ethic/dedication doesn't fit into the stereotypical the speaker has for women with children.