In pointing out the negatives of dog ownership to a pal considering getting one?

[Firingpingpongs]

I'm not against getting a dog but some of my friends who have recently gotten a puppy are having such a hard time and it's of their own making - life too busy to properly train dog, other pets in household don't get on with dog, separation anxiety by both owners and dog. These friends look nothing but hassled and anxious and constantly moan about their decision.

Other friends have gotten dogs and it's been totally fine.

The latest friend is considering getting puppy that is a very big dog breed whilst she also has a middle aged cat.

AIBU in mentioning anything or should I just assume that they are grown ups and able to make their own decision.

BTW I'm not considering this because I'm a busy body type, I am actually a real animal lover and my concerns are for the animals themselves (one friend's cat's life has been traumatised by the arrival of a dog and it hasn't gotten any better 3 years down the line).

Maybe tell the second friend to ask the first friend how it's going.

Unless second friend works full time in which case yes, speak up.

If they bring it up I would say something along the lines of “but what about the cat? Do you think he’ll cope with a puppy?” Maybe drop in how your friend X’s cat is really stressed out by their dog and pees all over the house

Different friends that don't know each other. Am due to meet second friend in about 3 weeks.

I am sure most of the abused animals that are neglected and starved had owners who originally thought it a great idea to get a pet. So I would definately point out the negatives.

I love my dog, and the one I recently lost, but they have cost me thousands in vets bills, insurance, food, flea/tick treatments, dog walkers, etc etc over the years. Worth every penny but I was able to afford it.

My remaining dog is so elderly now that we can't leave her home for very long and won't be going on holiday until she's no longer around. it's a huge tie.

I agree with @Dacquoise it is a massive tie - I cannot remember the last time I had a lie in after 7 a.m. because I have to let the dogs out. Also the cost, my eldest dog's insurance started at £18/month, it's now £105/month

Please also mention that the bloody big dog will need exercising and it is not fair on other human walkers to plan to just release this bloody big dog to run around in a countryside area with poor recall off the lead where other people and animals are. This seems to be most people's plan - oh well, it is big and energetic, I will take it to the countryside and let it run free
In this case, it needs keeping close by, to possess perfect recall and putting on the lead around other people, even in the countryside, or else the dog owners really need their own land.

And yes, poor cat. They have already undertaken to look after this cat and must take responsibility for that commitment before taking on any other commitments.

Definitely talk them through it.

Not fair on puppy or cat if they can't look after it properly or haven't thought what it entails.

I wouldn't mention anything unless you're asking for your opinion.

As an adult, you'd like to think they'd consider these things themselves. If they haven't, most people won't like you pointing them out.

*they're asking for your opinion, not you're!

Is your friend an idiot? Generally irresponsible? Is the cat mistreated or neglected?

Because I would assume that any friend considering a dog had already thought about the difficulties of dog ownership, same as I wouldn't say to a friend who was TTC, hey, have you thought about the sleepless nights and the cost of childcare? Like that would be news to them and had never crossed their ignorant minds.

Fair enough to discuss breeds with her if you have some specific knowledge to share. No? Then stay in your lane.

You sound condescending.

I've warned friends off having dogs before, and would do it again - not in the sense that I would tell them 'don't get a dog', but I'd be very open about the downsides of owning my two so they had a full picture from which to make a decision.

Some PPs have suggested people will have thought through the implications of dog ownership but sadly, as numbers in dog rescues show, that's just not the case - a lot of people assume a dog will fit in and require no work and they simply have no concept of the needs of an animal, so I'd speak up.

Yes I would point out how having a dog will impact their lives. It’s not fair on the dog to be left for hours in end or to not be trained properly etc

I would think the negatives are self-evident, but clearly not, given all the tales of lockdown dog buying not ending well!

I would have appreciated hearing more about the sleepless nights & cost of childcare!

People who have never had a dog may not realise for example that they may get anxious if left on their own too long I read somewhere that the longest you should leave a dog is 4 hours and so should arrange for someone to come and walk your dog if you are out all day. I never know that before I got one but luckily my husband is retired so at home a lot

Have you got a dog? I'm not sure I'd take dog ownership advice from someone who's never had one.

Unless you could bring it up casually like, my friend X had YZ experience with their dog. But I wouldn't go out of my way to give advice, otherwise it might sound a bit lecture-y.

Opinions can be a bit like bums. Everyone's got one and no one appreciates having to deal with someone else's unless they've asked to.

I'd tread carefully. Perhaps mentioning you know people who were surprised to find their (new) dog was a lot more difficult than they thought it would be. Or asking how they think their cat will be around the new dog etc. Otherwise, you risk them becoming defensive and more dug in about going ahead.

Much depends on how close and honest you normally are with this friend, though. e.g. I have very close friends I could just say "are you mad?" to but not everyone appreciates such bluntness.

Tell them all you like but I’d bet money they won’t listen to you, unfortunately.

I would tell them flatly that it is a huge and expensive responsibility for the whole of the animal's life. It is unfair for the cat to cope with it.

I've had dogs and I loved them but my god walking them in the dark, cold, wet mornings nearly did me in.

Many people go through the puppy blues,understandable when your life is tipped upside down,and you suddenly have this little bundle of fluff depending on you for everything and wanting to be only with you.it's exhausting,fun,hard work and brilliant.can she borrow a friends dog,a dog who would be ok with leaving mum for the night,many aren't,to see if she can cope?and add up the costs with them,vet.food.bowls.First aid kit,vet,bed,leads and collar,flea,worming,car harness,insurance,vet,treats,poo bags,grooming equipment or grooming costs,dog day care,holiday cover,chipping,speying,,damage to property,buying suitable dog walking outfits.vet.
They are loyal loving,funny,amazing and a huge welcome home,good morning,or just a cuddle is always guaranteed.

My friend tried to put me off getting my puppy . I don't think she said 1 positive thing about getting one . It was all very negative. I hadn't asked her opinion either. But I got the puppy who is now a much loved dog.
But I knew getting her would change things ,maybe not the way they did, but that is life. As dh we never thought it possible that we could love a dog so much. She has been wonderful on so many occasions including a few times when I fell, what she did was unreal. Yes we walk more but that has benefitted us, she has helped ones though depression.
Yes she has a few small faults ,but they are nothing compared to what she gives.
Yes you do need daily walks , training classes, vets bills, insurance and food as well as bed toys and such.
We tend to be outdoors in all weathers .
Depends why your friend wants a dog and if it will work with her. Most people do think about it ,given the cost.
Any dog owners I know love their dogs and they are well looked after.
My only problem is when we are out and children grab my dog usually by the ears( thankfully dog is placid ) then mummy goes" oh look little darling is so good with dogs we must get her one to play with " They don't like me saying they are not toys .
You cannot let dogs off lead in public mostly and can only do this if you have enough space. .
Given the cost and general keeping of a dog I would be surprised if your friend has not seriously thought about it.

Why are so many pps assuming the op's friend won't look after the dog?

When I told a friend we had our names down for a puppy (8yrs ago) I was a bit shocked when she said she didn't think it was a good idea and that we should take our name off the list. She then reeled off everything from it costing a lot of money to how much proper care they needed and how we'd have to walk it every day. It came off a bit like a lecture. It was sadly the start of our friendship souring, so tread carefully. A 'wow are you up for that?' will be much nicer than 'you shouldn't do that'.

Do you have dogs OP?

Because giving advice on ownership from someone who has never had one (and I don't count childhood dogs, where parents are the ones doing the training and admin) is akin to a childless person giving parenting advice