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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask who buys the card and present

32 replies

PenelopeWhipStop · 23/08/2021 22:03

It was a ‘big’ birthday for paternal grandparent. Grandparent likes to make a fuss of others on special occasions so is definitely a card and present type of person however her son is a self confessed ‘not a card person’.

Would you expect child’s father to supply a card and present for his child to give to his mother?

Or is it the job of the primary care giver to supply a card and present in case nothing was organised?

OP posts:
youdoyoutoday · 23/08/2021 22:06

Nope each parent sorts cards and presents for their own parents/grandparents.

Is it safe to assume you're ex is being a dick about this?

Terminallysleepdeprived · 23/08/2021 22:06

Are parents together?

WandaVision2 · 23/08/2021 22:07

I sort out gifts/cards for my side of the family, DH for his.

NumberTheory · 23/08/2021 22:09

If the son is of an age to normally be buying presents then I would not expect either parent to supply one. But I'd probably be disappointed in him for not going the extra mile for grandparents who tend to make a fuss of him.

If the child is not really of an age to be independently getting presents and cards I would expect the parent who is the child of the grandparents to get one.

Cryalot2 · 23/08/2021 22:09

We used to discuss and I would have helped him choose. Mind you he often went for the option of taking her somewhere special for the day and a nice lunch. Which she loved or flowers sometimes.

FlorenceNightshade · 23/08/2021 22:10

You should buy for your own sides of the family in my opinion. I wouldn’t but unless specifically asked and even then I’d likely just give my DH ideas and still leave it up to him. His family are utter pricks though so perhaps if I liked them I’d be inclined to do it

Wishihadanalgorithm · 23/08/2021 22:10

I do my side and DP does his. Occasionally I will pick up a card in the supermarket for him but he has to pick a present, postage card and present.

Original poster
PenelopeWhipStop · 23/08/2021 22:10

@youdoyoutoday define dick 🤣

I bought a card and a small token present so the fruit of my loin wouldn’t go over empty handed but fully expected that he would’ve sorted something out. Good job I still remember the wife work!

OP posts:
Cuddlyrottweiler · 23/08/2021 22:14

If she buys for you, then I'd buy for her. If she doesn't, leave it to her son.

Original poster
PenelopeWhipStop · 23/08/2021 22:15

Parents are separated

I would absolutely not expect my ex to buy a card for my mother on behalf of our child and I’d find it odd if he did.

OP posts:
Hopeislost · 23/08/2021 22:16

I buy cards and presents for my side, dh buys for his. I buy small token presents on dd's behalf (think 'best grandma' mug or similar) and will facilitate her making a homemade card.

youdoyoutoday · 23/08/2021 23:10

[quote PenelopeWhipStop]@youdoyoutoday define dick 🤣

I bought a card and a small token present so the fruit of my loin wouldn’t go over empty handed but fully expected that he would’ve sorted something out. Good job I still remember the wife work![/quote]
Breathing 🤣🤣

Returnoftheowl · 23/08/2021 23:33

The blood relative should supply the card and present.

BigRedFrog · 24/08/2021 01:22

I buy for both sides. Always have.

Driftingblue · 24/08/2021 04:26

Blood relative has default responsibility.

I’m not opposed to taking helping DH out with some of his gifting duties if he asks and takes a chore of mine in exchange. We often reallocate tasks to better align with our personal abilities and preferences.

Shoxfordian · 24/08/2021 05:52

If you’re separated then why are you still doing the wifework of card buying? He should do it

GeorgiaGirl52 · 24/08/2021 06:11

@BigRedFrog

I buy for both sides. Always have.
Same here.
ChickpeaCrunch · 24/08/2021 06:19

As you've split up then it's 100% up to him to buy for his family.

If you were togehter it would be 100% up to him to buy for his family but he could maybe ask you to pick something up if you were going shopping or ask for your input if he was stuck for ideas.

ChickpeaCrunch · 24/08/2021 06:20

If DH bought something for my DSC to give their maternal grandma he'd get an angry text about boundaries not a thank you.

MsSquiz · 24/08/2021 06:26

In our house, I do pretty much all card/present buying but that's because I enjoy it.

If DH and I weren't together and I knew he "wasn't a card buying person" I would probably get the grandparent a card from the kids, but that's all.
I guess it also depends on your and the kids' relationship with the grandparent

CeeceeBloomingdale · 24/08/2021 06:41

@BigRedFrog

I buy for both sides. Always have.
Me too, although I wouldn't if we were separated. Well maybe a small token like OP did and I thought the GP would be upset to not receive a card but that should be the other parent's responsibility.
SpiderinaWingMirror · 24/08/2021 07:01

Mmm.
My dh was like this. When dd was born I told his whole family that we were each doing our own side of the family from that point on. There were masses of them.
However I did always make sure his mum was not forgotten!

Belli668 · 24/08/2021 07:06

I do my side, DH does his.

Or doesn’t do it. He had a strange relationship with my MIL; they’re not estranged as such, but she is a very distant person who seems happy on the fringes of our life (we haven’t seen her in person since 2018 after giving up trying to maintain contact which was never reciprocated). MIL does send stuff for the DC on occasion, always addressed to me.

phishy · 24/08/2021 07:10

@BigRedFrog

I buy for both sides. Always have.
Are you separated?
TheWordsmithsApprentice · 24/08/2021 07:12

I get the Dc to make or draw a card for IL's because I'm the one with them most of the time. They are old enough now to have ideas so I ask what they want to give or suggest they give the latest offering from school art class and organise a token gift.

I expect DH to sort a proper present or organise a meal that mainly he will cook.