To ask who buys the card and present

[PenelopeWhipStop]

It was a ‘big’ birthday for paternal grandparent. Grandparent likes to make a fuss of others on special occasions so is definitely a card and present type of person however her son is a self confessed ‘not a card person’.

Would you expect child’s father to supply a card and present for his child to give to his mother?

Or is it the job of the primary care giver to supply a card and present in case nothing was organised?

He should sort his side when you are separated.

However, I think for the sake of your dc which could be upset if he didn't get anything, keep some cheap emergency cards around. I have like 20 for different occasions so no one ever gets forgotten😂 Our families don't do cards, but other people do so easy to forget.

Not my blood relative, not my circus.

@ChickpeaCrunch

As you've split up then it's 100% up to him to buy for his family.

If you were togehter it would be 100% up to him to buy for his family but he could maybe ask you to pick something up if you were going shopping or ask for your input if he was stuck for ideas.

This.

I don’t do presents for ILs but I do ask out of interest in the run up to Christmas etc what he’s getting them. I think I’ve picked up a birthday card once or twice when he’s asked me (in advance and because I’m off to the bookshop for instance not because he’s forgotten).

If you’ve split up I don’t see why you’re doing anything. If your child turns up with nothing surely the exILs would just be angry (if they get angry at such things) at their son?

Absolutely not your job if you are separated. If you are together that's a conversation to have, generally I buy for my family and DH for his, but for example just before his mum's birthday I was going to a really nice shopping area for the day with a friend and DH was at work, I just said have you got a present for your mum yet, what kind of thing were you looking for and do you want me to keep an eye out while I'm shopping this week? He said I've got a little something but was going to get her some earrings at the weekend , let me know if you see anything you think she'll like. I messaged him a few photos while I was out he picked one and I bought it. He gave me the money. Your ex is a dick

Absolutely not your job.

That said I did used to organise presents on birthdays and Christmas for my girls’ paternal grandparents. My ex is a selfish sod who wouldn’t bother his arse with anyone, sometimes not even the girls.
His parents were lovely. Came to me to organise seeing the kids when he wasn’t bothering. Made a big effort with them. The girls loved birthdays and Christmas and for their sake I did it until they were old enough to shop themselves.

Thanks for the responses. I guess it’s not my job (like many other things that aren’t my job). I do them for the sake of my child I suppose, who’s a young teen. She’s got some anxiety in social situations so I’d rather protect her feelings and keep it sweet with granny than let her go empty handed.

I’m feeling extra meh as apparently dad bought a card and present on behalf of the 3 children that he’s living with (I suspect he didn’t and his girlfriend bought them for her kids but he’s BU to leave his child thinking he did).

Thanks for letting me have a stealth moan 😊

I was going to ask how old the dc is, thinking they were little, or even a toddler. My answer would be nothing if a baby / toddler / too small to make a card, but to encourage them to make one if they spent most of the time with me, if they were older.

Now you've said she's a teen, I wouldn't have got involved.

Teens are old enough to know that if they have been invited to a birthday party or gathering of any sort, then they take a card.

I would not be buying cards / presents for an ex's family unless there were some really exceptional circumstances.