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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he's nasty?

90 replies

RainbowBriteUk · 23/08/2021 17:37

I've recently been getting close to an ex. Had a few dates and everything was going well.

We've been texting and I called him an old affectionate nickname that he once said he loved when I called him it. When I used the term of affection (it's nothing romantic or lovey dovey) he text back saying 'please don't start all that shit again'. I was a bit taken aback by his reaction to be honest. AIBU and being overly sensitive?

OP posts:
MouseInCatsClaws · 23/08/2021 18:20

You don't need to answer why he is like this. All you need to know is that he is not for you because, yes, he is nasty, and you have standards.

Suzi888 · 23/08/2021 18:20

YANBU he sounds nasty, unpredictable.

SparklingLime · 23/08/2021 18:20

Don’t get tangled up trying to make sense of his behaviour. He doesn’t sound like a healthy, happy relationship option, that’s all that matters. Exes are tricky at the best of times.

AllTheSingleLadiess · 23/08/2021 18:21

You need to remind yourself why you broke up the first time.

He's clearly not seeing the current situation the way you are.

browneyes77 · 23/08/2021 18:21

Too many red flags.

He’s an ex for a reason. Keep it that way.

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 23/08/2021 18:25

We broke up because he said negative things about me and my weight and when I confronted him he said he didn't realise he was saying them in a derogatory fashion.

OP posts:
tegannotsovegan · 23/08/2021 18:26

@RainbowBriteUk

Do you think he's stringing me along then? He's definitely not in it for the sex. Does he enjoy the power?
@RainbowBriteUk

I think you should stop overthinking this and just let it be done with. He’s clearly a bit of a prick, an ex for a reason and you need to let him go and move on.

AllTheSingleLadiess · 23/08/2021 18:28

@RainbowBriteUk

We broke up because he said negative things about me and my weight and when I confronted him he said he didn't realise he was saying them in a derogatory fashion.
That's a bloody good reason to end things. I would stop seeing him like this- he's clearly not changed.
CorrBlimeyGG · 23/08/2021 18:31

This man has never treated you with kindness. That's not going to change.

Refreshpage · 23/08/2021 18:40

@LemonFantaGin

Did you ask what he meant by 'that shit'?
This. That comment is a massive red 🚩. Is he hoping fir a shag and possibly you seeing more?
COPPER3 · 23/08/2021 18:45

This reminds me of an EX of mine! You tend to find these sort of people are controlling and a little/or a lot narcissistic. When your gut feeling is telling you something isn't right, or you are not understanding each other....GET THE HELL OUT! Stand your ground and remember your worth. Go and have fun with some nice men and leave this nasty B!

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 23/08/2021 18:46

@RainbowBriteUk

We broke up because he said negative things about me and my weight and when I confronted him he said he didn't realise he was saying them in a derogatory fashion.
What the fuck are you thinking getting back with him then?
rubbletrouble · 23/08/2021 18:51

"Don't start that shit again" sounds like something that has happened before in the relationship.

If it's an affectionate name, does he maybe think you are trying to turn this into something more and he's not interested.
Was it an actual date yesterday or were you just meeting up as old friends,

billy1966 · 23/08/2021 19:05

He's a nasty little shit but you somehow think he's changed and need a round two?

He's shown you who he is.
Believe him.

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 23/08/2021 19:16

I think it's largely immaterial whether he sees the relationship in the same way as the OP; it's a pretty fucking nasty thing to say to someone even if you've put them in the friend zone.

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 23/08/2021 19:19

@rubbletrouble

"Don't start that shit again" sounds like something that has happened before in the relationship.

If it's an affectionate name, does he maybe think you are trying to turn this into something more and he's not interested.
Was it an actual date yesterday or were you just meeting up as old friends,

Definitely a real date. He put his arms round me and cuddled me and everything else. All him going for it and not me, although I reciprocated.
OP posts:
Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 23/08/2021 19:21

He's not just after a shag. We both agreed yesterday not to go back to either's house because we know what it might lead to and we wanted to take things slow. I just cannot read him.

OP posts:
NotYourCupOfTea · 23/08/2021 19:26

Issues after a few dates
Why do you want to get back with him? he doesn’t sound nice

ChristmasFluff · 23/08/2021 19:29

You are someone he is passing time with until something better comes along.

You are an ego stroke, and he may even get a kick out of treating you badly then seeing how eaisly he fishes you in again.

He's bored and you are there

It could be any of those things, or none of them. The question is, why do you care about his motivation for treating you badly and blowing hot and cold.

Did you dream of being treated like this by your partner when you were a child? Is this how you want to be treated for the rest of your life?

If the answer to either of those is 'no' then end it.

Stop competing to be chosen as a partner, and have more of a recruiter mindset in dating. He's nowhere near good enough for the job of being your partner.

OnceTheyDid · 23/08/2021 19:33

You broke up once because he was a knob.

He is still a knob

LadyJaye · 23/08/2021 19:36

He was vile to you once, now he's been vile to you again.

As per the MN classic, you do not need anybody's permission to end any kind of relationship or interaction that makes you feel bad, and this man clearly does.

Say 'so long, and thanks for all the fish' and move on. Loads of nice men out there.

Longdistance · 23/08/2021 19:38

Well, clearly he hasn’t changed.

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 23/08/2021 19:45

Thanks for all your replies. Glad it's not just me being overly sensitive.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 23/08/2021 19:58

No idea what he is up to, just passing the time away for now I think, and letting you know how he want's you to behave, as you are probably on trial for the time being.

RedHelenB · 23/08/2021 20:29

@rubbletrouble

"Don't start that shit again" sounds like something that has happened before in the relationship.

If it's an affectionate name, does he maybe think you are trying to turn this into something more and he's not interested.
Was it an actual date yesterday or were you just meeting up as old friends,

I was thinking this. He enjoys your company but doesn't want a relationship. Up to you as to whether that works for you or not.