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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you think there is a Rich and Poor Mindset?

185 replies

Brogues · 23/08/2021 17:15

I only came across this theory (Rich dad Poor dad) a couple of weeks ago and I’m not sure or maybe we’ll never be able to not think ‘poor’?

Me and DH were brought up ‘poor’ - comfortable but in council housing, with working parents but worried about unexpected bills. We both went to university are now professionals in our work and are high earners (not top 1% of Mumsnetters by any means Wink admittedly) so ‘rich’ but we still buy stuff like TVs rather than focusing on investments. Can we get out of our ‘poor’ mindset or isn’t there one in the first place?

Nicked from google:

Do you think there is a Rich and Poor Mindset?
OP posts:
DoubleEx · 23/08/2021 18:07

That list in the OP is a load of shit. But I do think there is a grain of truth in the rich/poor mentality.

I grew up ‘rich’, family money, family tradition of going to university - mainly Oxbridge, etc, etc. I am absolutely not a spendthrift. I don’t have expensive taste, I don’t own particularly expensive or flashy things, but I do have that sense of security that knowing there’s money in the background can give you. I’m more willing to take risks, I guess. If something breaks, it’s not the end of the world, most of the time I can afford a new whatever it is (up to a point!). Things feel ‘possible’. It’s definitely a mindset.

Contrast this with DH, who grew up poor, to a single mother in a council flat. DH had a shit education at school, but is one of those exceptionally intelligent people and now does a highly skilled job with a six-figure salary (MN cliché klaxon). Obviously he earns wayyyy more than me. But to hear him and his mum talk, you’d think they were still in that council flat. It annoys me that she treats him as if he’s still the poor kid who’s reliant on handouts. His company had a restructure recently and she was getting panicky about what would happen if he lost his job. In truth, DH is now at the level where if he did lose his job he could probably walk into another one straight away and name his price. But MIL still treats him as if he’s some mediocre loser who’s lucky to be clinging on to employment. I feel like she won’t let him level up, if you know what I mean? If he mentions that we’ve been out to dinner or something, she will always ask what it cost. And then there’s a lot of handwringing and disbelief about the prices and it makes him anxious.

There’s a general reluctance to splash out on treats we could comfortably afford and, if we do, it always feels like there’s a sort of underlying anxiety about having spent ‘so much’ money, which spoils it all a little bit.

DH was left quite a large inheritance a few years ago and at the time we needed some building work done on our house. He was really reluctant to spend any of the money on the building work, but my perspective was that what else is the money for if it’s not to help improve our lives and our living conditions? It’s just gonna sit there in the bank while our house falls down around our ears? We did pay for the work to be done in the end, but convincing him was like pulling teeth and it killed him to do it.

My attitude is that it’s important to be sensible with money, of course, but if you can afford to spend some on having fun and nice experiences, then why not? But I realise the only reason I can say that is because I have privilege coming out of my arse, which is nothing to do with ‘hard work’ and everything to do with circumstance and luck really.

dreamingbohemian · 23/08/2021 18:09

what the fuck did I just read

Yes there are different mindsets but that list is ridiculous and insulting

The poor mindset 'causes problems' while the rich mindset 'solves problems', yeah right
I'm sure most of the problems people have to deal with today are caused by rich elites fucking things up for everyone

safariboot · 23/08/2021 18:09

That image and the poor-bashing attitudes it represents can fuck right off.

GrrrlPwr · 23/08/2021 18:10

This is the growth mindset book

smile.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01M036N60/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_E7T89ZCZVYS3NC0F1N83

dreamingbohemian · 23/08/2021 18:12

But putting that stupid list aside, yes of course rich people and poor people approach life differently. But what people often fail to understand is that it's having money in the first place that lets you 'embrace change' and 'take risks' and have a more positive and ambitious outlook.

TheVolturi · 23/08/2021 18:12

This is fucking insulting 🙄 basically poor are bitter twisted and useless?

RyanReynoldsHusband · 23/08/2021 18:13

I grew up in poverty. I am now, I would estimate, top 10% of the uk.

Before clicking on the image I assumed this was going to be about having money but still shopping around and watching the pennies, which I still do because I can’t believe I have money now. I can’t believe I own properties (yes, multiple) outright. I can’t believe I earn so much.

I find the image really condescending. ‘Poor’ people don’t study? Nurses are ‘poor’ or on a lower wage and we are saying they don’t study? What utter drivel.

diamondpony80 · 23/08/2021 18:15

Definitely I believe in there being a poor mindset and a rich mindset. Not everything on the infographic will apply to everyone, but I definitely can see a few things that apply to me. I think it's easier to work on your mindset if you're working for yourself though as you have the freedom to make your own choices and decisions about where to put your time and money. If you're in a minimum wage job and scraping by I think it'd be pretty difficult to improve your mindset. You have no choice but to be "work driven" and "income driven".

Mixitupalot · 23/08/2021 18:16

I was brought up what was considered “poor” council Eatate, benefits, anoholic father however my parents though they were ok.

Growing up I was encouraged to leave school at 15 and get a job, education was not important because “don’t get about your station” & “where do you think you come from” was the common motto from my parents.

I was a teenage mum, heading down the same path as my parents when I decided to change my path. I went to university, against the wishes of family at the age of 24 that’s when my life changed & I realised that sometimes, poor is a mentality.

I couldn’t be further from where I started and I encourage my children to strive for better. Needless to say my family call me snobby and above myself because of how I changed my life.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 23/08/2021 18:17

I don’t have expensive taste, I don’t own particularly expensive or flashy things, but I do have that sense of security that knowing there’s money in the background can give you. I’m more willing to take risks, I guess. If something breaks, it’s not the end of the world, most of the time I can afford a new whatever it is (up to a point!). Things feel ‘possible’. It’s definitely a mindset.

I think that screenshot is very poorly worded but I’d agree with the above. And ironically I’m far happier to use coupons/shop at Aldi/drive a banger/dress my kids in holey tights because these things don’t signify failure for me.

MoneyWhatMoney · 23/08/2021 18:17

I don't think it's about poor vs rich mindset and that pic you posted stinks of snobbery - poor people don't study, wastes time, criticise others and cause problems and rich people do the opposite? I don't think so - it reads as something written by an out of touch member of the aristocracy, someone who thinks if everyone just worked harder no one would be poor 🙄

I personally think it often has more to do with your upbringing and where you start off.
Like a lot of things, it's harder to get yourself out of a mess than it is not to get into one in the first place which means being brought up with money will likely mean you don't have to get into debt to buy a car / go to uni etc and from there it's much easier to save / invest / plan your financial future.
If you aren't rich, you take out finance (because it's hard to buy a decent car outright and bangers can be a false economy), you have student loads etc - then your outgoings are higher than the rich persons which means you don't have the money left over to invest.
I saw something that demonstrates that the other day so I've attached it.

As an aside, I also think there is something very sad about people who hoard money but won't spend any on making their lives easier or more fun.

Do you think there is a Rich and Poor Mindset?
episcomama · 23/08/2021 18:23

I don't rate that graphic, but I do think there is a difference in the way poverty affects how people think about money. For example - we have money. Top 10% of the population, maybe? But we are "self-made" in that we did not come from money. Born and raised in a council house, first person in my family to even get A Levels, never mind a degree. If I came into say $50k, I'd likely put it in my kids' college accounts, pay down the mortgage or pay for home improvements. As would many/most of our peers.

My husband's clients are typically people of very little means. Part of his job is obtaining financial settlements. One client received about $50k. She and her kids were living in an apartment in an unsafe neighborhood. I asked my husband what she was going to do with the money, assuming she'd use it to put a deposit on an apartment in a better neighborhood. Pay a year's rent, get her kids into better schools. Nope. She rented out an entire floor of the local cheap hotel/motel with a pool and paid for all her friends to stay there until the money was mostly gone. I was agog, but apparently it's pretty typical for the money to be spent this way - prioritizing a short term lift rather than long term improvement. Maybe she figured she'd never get out of her old hood, so what was the point? I don't know.

Driftingblue · 23/08/2021 18:26

Most of that is drivel. People can only do what their circumstances allow. Not all people with money are misers.

I do notice some differences in mentality by economic status. The one that seems to be the most dramatic to me is planning for children’s futures. I don’t mean in terms of money. I mean in terms of an expectation that there is a plan for education or training. The idea that a person could get to 16 or 18 and not be working towards a career goal is just completely bizarre to me. The idea that a parent wouldn’t be absolutely tearing their hair out because said child was slacking is even more bizarre.

episcomama · 23/08/2021 18:27

Contrast this with DH, who grew up poor, to a single mother in a council flat. DH had a shit education at school, but is one of those exceptionally intelligent people and now does a highly skilled job with a six-figure salary (MN cliché klaxon). Obviously he earns wayyyy more than me. But to hear him and his mum talk, you’d think they were still in that council flat. It annoys me that she treats him as if he’s still the poor kid who’s reliant on handouts. His company had a restructure recently and she was getting panicky about what would happen if he lost his job. In truth, DH is now at the level where if he did lose his job he could probably walk into another one straight away and name his price. But MIL still treats him as if he’s some mediocre loser who’s lucky to be clinging on to employment. I feel like she won’t let him level up, if you know what I mean? If he mentions that we’ve been out to dinner or something, she will always ask what it cost. And then there’s a lot of handwringing and disbelief about the prices and it makes him anxious.

Yes! I have the same experience with my mum. I still remember her commenting on the price of a sweater I was buying (along the lines of "you could get two and get change if you bought it in Target and not Macy's") and it was so indicative of "don't spend unless you absolutely have to." Almost a case of "this isn't for the likes of us."

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 23/08/2021 18:28

(and the author can't even use apostrophes)

Not just me, then! Even though I am a good-for-nothing, obviously-all-my-own-fault 'povvo, far from fearing change, I was itching to make one straightaway - by crossing out that aberrant apostrophe.

Hmmmmm, now let me think for a moment to see if I can guess whether it was a rich or a poor person who compiled this steaming great big pile of research....

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 23/08/2021 18:28

And then, I went and missed out one of a pair of inverted commas!!! That's why poor scum like me will never be successful, clearly!!!

diamondpony80 · 23/08/2021 18:33

@RyanReynoldsHusband

I grew up in poverty. I am now, I would estimate, top 10% of the uk.

Before clicking on the image I assumed this was going to be about having money but still shopping around and watching the pennies, which I still do because I can’t believe I have money now. I can’t believe I own properties (yes, multiple) outright. I can’t believe I earn so much.

I find the image really condescending. ‘Poor’ people don’t study? Nurses are ‘poor’ or on a lower wage and we are saying they don’t study? What utter drivel.

Do you think you had some aspects of the rich mentality to become rich?

I grew up quite comfortable but because I had a poor mentality (I can identify with a few of the points on the image) I could never hold on to money and ended up becoming poor for a while. Having worked on my money mindset over the years I'm doing very well now, but I still have to work on overcoming certain aspects of the "poor mentality".

I don't think these self-help articles/images are suggesting that poor people don't study at all. But studying for a job that won't ever pay well isn't really part of the "rich" mentality. I read alot of this kind of stuff and they generally suggest studying things like personal finance, investing, self improvement, time management, money mindset etc. I definitely think the self help genre is more targeted towards entrepreneurs and high earners rather than those working in jobs with a low fixed income.

episcomama · 23/08/2021 18:33

My parents, Dad particularly, grew up quite poor and associate second hand with not being able to afford to buy new. My parents wouldn't have countenanced me wearing anything second hand as a child and all my toys and things were new. Partner's mum's attitude is why buy a brand new bike when there's a child up the road whose grown out of his perfectly good one, my Dad's would be I can afford to buy my daughter a new bike so I will.

Perfectly summed up. My parents cringed when I told them I taken my daughter to a consignment store to spend her birthday money - even offering to send her more "if all she can afford is second hand." Wouldn't come with me to Goodwill (massive charity shop). It's about confidence, to be sure. If I was ever concerned about people thinking I had no money (not that I would be, but as an example) I could just tell them my address. My parents did not have that, working class through and through, and are so concerned about "what people think".

Bigoldhag · 23/08/2021 18:38

There’s definitely different mindsets, but by rich, I would class it as those were born into wealth, possibly several generations.

I see it most noticeably with events like Christmas. People I consider very wealthy tend to spend far less, and also buy far less, less cheaper elements, less trinkety things. Maybe because things ar bought year round, rather than saved for an event. People with less income (at least in my sphere and please note I consider my family in this!!) spend a much higher proportion of income - and buy so much - I think as a residual of poorer childhoods and the need to be seen as generous.

Unfashionable · 23/08/2021 18:42

The line about ‘invests money vs spends money’ is definitely true. I know plenty of people who have high incomes but they will never be rich because they spend fortunes on new cars, designer clothes / shoes / bags, holidays, electronic gadgets, caravans, hot tubs etc etc rather than investing most of that money in assets, eg property, funds, gilts etc. Their money, their life, their choice, of course.

The problem is that investing effectively requires a certain amount of knowledge, financial literacy and willingness to accept risk, none of which are taught at schools. I include myself in this. If I had invested my savings in property & equities over the last 30 years instead of squirrelling them away in ISAs, I would now be wealthy and retired.

ragged · 23/08/2021 18:44

I'm finding list in OP quite offensive.

Go to a dirt poor country. People are SO Entrepeneurial there. And no-nonsense about seizing every opportunity. They highly value education & will make huge sacrifices for their children to get educated (& expect their kids to make those sacrifices, too).

People don't complain about their lot because A) nobody cares & B) most people are struggling & have to live day to day. Nobody dwells on the personal past because it's not today's problem.

Nellodee · 23/08/2021 18:44

God this list reminds me of a man at my work who harped on about how some types of people just didn't realise the importance of hard work. The next year, he moved into a £450,000 house. He was 2 years out of university in the second year of teaching, with an income around £20,000.

Privilege likes to convince itself that it is privileged because it has earned it somehow. It very often hasn't.

stepupandbecounted · 23/08/2021 18:47

There is some truth to some of the points, but many/most of the points can apply to either financial bracket.

I find the whole obsession with class and wealth so completely depressing. I have just spent the last week in a place that is rife in poverty (not in this country) and the people were so happy with their lot in life, swimming in the sea, talking on the beach, sharing a sandwich.

We SHOULD be measuring quality of life, until we start doing that we will never ever get anywhere - and we should hold our government accountable for clean water, clean air, free time, strong communities and excellent schooling for all children and something approaching an even and equal society.

We are still living in the past. An outdated class system that should have died out once and for all thirty years ago.

stepupandbecounted · 23/08/2021 18:48

*with poverty

SchrodingersImmigrant · 23/08/2021 18:51

@stepupandbecounted

There is some truth to some of the points, but many/most of the points can apply to either financial bracket.

I find the whole obsession with class and wealth so completely depressing. I have just spent the last week in a place that is rife in poverty (not in this country) and the people were so happy with their lot in life, swimming in the sea, talking on the beach, sharing a sandwich.

We SHOULD be measuring quality of life, until we start doing that we will never ever get anywhere - and we should hold our government accountable for clean water, clean air, free time, strong communities and excellent schooling for all children and something approaching an even and equal society.

We are still living in the past. An outdated class system that should have died out once and for all thirty years ago.

I agree!