This will be a long one, just trying to establish if I'm being overly dramatic so I've posted here for traffic. I have name changed as this could be outing.
Married young when I was 23, we now have one DS aged 6. Been married almost 10 years. When we met DH was very kind, generous and charismatic. He has a very wide social circle, whereas I am much more introverted and have a few very close friends.
About 2 years ago DH became convinced I was conducting an emotional affair with a male work colleague, this was very much not the case and I tried to explain this to him. After much discussion it was clear that the friendship was upsetting DH, and I took him at his word that I had possibly been blind to this man trying it on with me, and me inadvertently leading him on. As it was upsetting DH I reigned in the friendship, and established boundaries to downgrade it to a purely professional relationship with my colleague. DH wanted me to find a new job so I didn't have any contact with the colleague but I put my foot down as I had just been promoted to a more senior role and didn't want to set my career back. DH ordered me not have any male friendships, and any text messages should be purely on a professional basis (no banter etc). I agreed to keep the peace as I didn't want to risk breaking up our family.
DH was very forceful about making me accept that it was an EA even though I disagreed. In the end after much protesting to avoid us divorcing I conceded on this point even though I didn't agree. DH actually threatened me with divorce and threatened to prevent me getting any custody of our child. He threatened to use my PND, and past depression as evidence I was an unfit mother. So I conceded on the emotional affair to avoid this.
Since then we've worked hard on our marriage, but every time we have any slight disagreement he brings it back round to the "emotional affair". Even trivial things like who's turn it is to take the bins out, he throws the EA back in my face and it escalates into a massive argument.
He's constantly berating me for being on my phone. He can spend hours watching sports and that's his hobby, but of I spend more than 5 mins on social media, reading news or MN he starts grilling me about how much time I spend on the phone and that I'm neglecting the family. Apparently when he and DS are watching hours of cricket or football I should be gleefully joining in even though I have zero interest in sport. On top of this is always commenting on what I eat, I can't even sniff a cookie without him passing comment. He is always reminding me I can stand to lose some weight. As an aside I'm very happy with my weight, I have a slight tummy pouch but I'm a size 12/14 and healthy BMI.
Whenever we go out he has to pass some comment on what I'm wearing, as if I'm not dressed up enough or haven't put any effort in.
It's all low level stuff, but slowly eats away at my confidence.
I always give him the option of not going round my family's at the weekend, especially if he has a football match on. But whenever there's something with his family I absolutely have to go and it escalates into a big argument that I "hate his family" if I say I don't want to go.
He's lovely to DS and is a great dad, the comments are only ever directed at me. I secretly suspect that he's just putting up with me to avoid the shame of a divorce.
Whenever we argue he makes a point to put me down Infront of DS and points out to him that I'm a bad mum.
I don't really know what I want from this thread tbh, I just feel like I'm slowly losing the plot.