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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban people from kissing my baby?

42 replies

BertiesMangos · 23/08/2021 13:32

My baby is 6 weeks old and I originally was being fairly relaxed when friends and family came to hold him.

But MIL has just been to visit and kissed him - leaving a glossy red lipstick patch all over his eyelid. She apologised and roughly brushed it off, laughing that she meant to get his forehead but must have missed.

I really didn't like it and would now like to say something upfront for future visitors - but my DH thinks this would be unreasonable as he thinks other people aren't likely to try to kiss baby anyway, and that 'there is nothing particularly harmful in a little bit of lipstick anyway'.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Shirleyphallus · 23/08/2021 13:35

You don’t want your baby’s grandmother to kiss him? Are you sure that’s a hill you want to die on?

I AS’d you cos this seems like a slightly hairy handed post and it seems you have many posts with high levels of anxiety. I think you could seek some help to deal with this, relax and enjoy your baby. Some lipstick on the head isn’t going to cause any harm at all.

Congrats on your baby. These early weeks can send you all over the shop!

SmidgenofaPigeon · 23/08/2021 13:38

Sure- but next week you’ll be anxious about something else.

UnsuitableHat · 23/08/2021 13:43

Most people probably won’t try to kiss your baby. Surely his grandparents, who love him, could be allowed to though? Agree with your DH

Original poster
BertiesMangos · 23/08/2021 13:44

@Shirleyphallus

You don’t want your baby’s grandmother to kiss him? Are you sure that’s a hill you want to die on?

I AS’d you cos this seems like a slightly hairy handed post and it seems you have many posts with high levels of anxiety. I think you could seek some help to deal with this, relax and enjoy your baby. Some lipstick on the head isn’t going to cause any harm at all.

Congrats on your baby. These early weeks can send you all over the shop!

I don't want her to kiss him wearing lipstick, essentially, and particularly not in the eye! No lipstick, forehead - I could deal with that. I wanted to know whether to expect others to try to kiss him too - or just grandparents/ that generation?

And yes - I'm naturally somewhat highly strung, though anyone else the same will agree that it's completely what we don't need when our nervousness/ anxiety becomes the focus, rather than the question. We've probably already "sought help" at various points.

OP posts:
cleckheatonwanderer · 23/08/2021 13:44

I'm kind of with your husband and think others aren't that likely to kiss your DS.

As a new mum you feel the fierce desire to protect your baby, it's instinctive. I think this will be a situation where in a few years time you'll look back and wonder why you were bothered, in the nicest possible way OP.

SionnachRua · 23/08/2021 13:46

First baby? I think this is one of those things that you'll look back on in a few years and cringe to yourself over.

Holly60 · 23/08/2021 13:47

There won’t be many other people who want to kiss your baby. It will be you and baby’s GPs. No one else will be that fussed about him, I wouldn’t have thought. Enjoy the fact his grandmother loves him.

But you wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask she doesn’t kiss his eye with lipstick on again.

CoalCraft · 23/08/2021 13:48

What about the lipstick in particular bothers you?

Most people will not try to kiss your child. Grandparents, well, it would be off if they didn't!

Freddiefox · 23/08/2021 13:49

By all means tell family not to kiss him, but don’t complain later down the line that parents/in-laws treat your son differently, and you feel he’s left out and not treated the same as cousins.

CausingChaos2 · 23/08/2021 13:54

@Freddiefox

By all means tell family not to kiss him, but don’t complain later down the line that parents/in-laws treat your son differently, and you feel he’s left out and not treated the same as cousins.
Well that would be truly horrible, grandparents treating their grandchildren differently just because they were asked not to kiss them. Confused

OP, I don’t have children due to fertility issues but have to admit I wouldn’t be keen on people kissing my children. I think we can show we love people with cuddles and words. I love my nephews dearly but don’t kiss them.

Kitkat151 · 23/08/2021 13:54

@Freddiefox

By all means tell family not to kiss him, but don’t complain later down the line that parents/in-laws treat your son differently, and you feel he’s left out and not treated the same as cousins.
This
girlmom21 · 23/08/2021 13:57

I don't think it's fair to stop everyone kissing the baby after 6 weeks (so presumably everyone who's wanted to meet baby already has and has already kissed him) because of one mistake.

Grandma slipped when she kissed him. That's all.
She apologised. No harm done.

MissyB1 · 23/08/2021 13:59

How many people wearing lipstick do you imagine are queuing up to kiss your baby?
Let it go! Grandma was wearing lipstick and missed his forehead - it’s not a huge deal!

Freddiefox · 23/08/2021 13:59

Well that would be truly horrible, grandparents treating their grandchildren differently just because they were asked not to kiss themconfused

What’s to be confused about, people that foster relationships for their children with their grandparents tend to have better and closer relationships with them. If you Keep them at arms length, they tend to stay were they are put.

Nicknacky · 23/08/2021 14:00

The only time I would worry bout kissing is if someone suffered cold sores. Other than that o would loved that they are getting expressions of love from family.

Are you thinking of stopping your immediate family too?

CausingChaos2 · 23/08/2021 14:04

What’s to be confused about, people that foster relationships for their children with their grandparents tend to have better and closer relationships with them. If you Keep them at arms length, they tend to stay were they are put.

So asking someone not to kiss your DC sabotages any hope of a good relationship? Hmm

phoenixrosehere · 23/08/2021 14:04

I don’t think yabu tbh. People really shouldn’t be kissing very young babies any places near their eyes and lips anyway. Not sure how someone can completely miss a baby’s forehead and get their eyes.

RedMarauder · 23/08/2021 14:05

You are having a case of PFBitis.

Just point out to your child's grandmother were his forehead is next time.

cleckheatonwanderer · 23/08/2021 14:27

"Not sure how someone can completely miss a baby’s forehead and get their eyes.

Sometimes I go to take a sip from a mug and just chuck it down my face and neck. Accidents happen!

Original poster
BertiesMangos · 23/08/2021 14:39

I wouldn't have a rule for some and not others, no, and I haven't really noticed whether others have kissed his head as he hasn't ended up with a lipstick mark on his eye until now... I think I've always just thought it's not very hygienic or socially acceptable to wear lipstick that transfers onto everything and anything... let alone when it's my son's face! Maybe a lipstick wearer will explain!

OP posts:
Acrasia · 23/08/2021 14:53

I wish someone had banned people from kissing me as a baby. I ended up in hospital because someone kissed me with an active cold sore and because my DM doesn’t get cold sores I could have died. It also means that I can get cold sores anywhere on the left hand side of my face, and in recent years I have frequently had them on my eyelids, which is quite stressful because if they spread to the eye itself I could go blind in that eye. I know a lot of people will say you’re over reacting, but so really wish my Mum had too.

phoenixrosehere · 23/08/2021 16:55

Sometimes I go to take a sip from a mug and just chuck it down my face and neck. Accidents happen!

So really comparing a mug to a baby? There is a reason you’re not supposed to be kissing babies that young on their face and Acrasia gave a perfect example. Babies have been seriously ill and even died from being kissed by people who had things unknowingly or had a condition but didn’t think they could pass it on My own FIL didn’t kiss his grandchildren when they were that young because he knew he suffered with cold sores. I didn’t kiss my own sons like that when they were babies. I kept it to their hair, hairline, sides of their cheeks near their ears and giving Eskimo kisses. It’s weird to kiss a baby on the lips imo when there are much safer places and other ways to show affection.

Ozanj · 24/08/2021 09:39

@Acrasia

I wish someone had banned people from kissing me as a baby. I ended up in hospital because someone kissed me with an active cold sore and because my DM doesn’t get cold sores I could have died. It also means that I can get cold sores anywhere on the left hand side of my face, and in recent years I have frequently had them on my eyelids, which is quite stressful because if they spread to the eye itself I could go blind in that eye. I know a lot of people will say you’re over reacting, but so really wish my Mum had too.
Just in case someone misuses your example I should point out that the risk of this type of reaction is highest in the first 4 weeks after birth (as per the NHS) and that a mum who doesn’t get cold sores is more likely to be immune than someone who hasn’t been exposed to the virus. Immune people can still spread the virus which is why you get advised to wash your hands before breastfeeding.
Howshouldibehave · 24/08/2021 09:42

You’re happy for people to transfer germs to your baby by kissing them, but you aren’t happy with them if they do it wearing lipstick?

Sceptre86 · 24/08/2021 10:26

Your baby, so ultimately your choice however I think you are being silly. She's his grandmother, presumably loves him and kissing is a way of showing affection. Obviously if you have a cold sore you shouldn't be kissing or even touching a newborn baby. I have said that I prefer that noone kiss my kids on the lips as I don't do that as their mother.

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